We have a need to feel we’re doing something of importance with our lives – a sense of purpose. We also want direction, a goal towards which we can work. While men tend to be more vocal and more driven in this, women feel the same needs.
This is often a difficult and painful issue for women with small children – especially if they have had small children for many years. As important as raising children and caring for a home are, they don’t seem glamorous or earth shattering. Society as a whole looks down on women who choose to stay home, and to a lesser extent on those who work only part-time rather than putting their children in full-time care. Additionally, childcare and housekeeping are never-ending jobs, doing the same thing repeatedly, often with no sense of accomplishment.
How would you feel stuck in such a life?
To some degree this is a season of life, and necessary if one wants to raise their children as well as possible. It’s a sacrifice, and your wife would probably appreciate it a great deal if you understood this and thanked her for it on occasion. If she is stuck in the all-kids-all-the-time phase of life, try to help her by talking about the future. Ask her what she wants to do when the kids are older; when she can leave them unsupervised for more than a couple of minutes. Get her to talk about her hopes and dreams, and brainstorm ways she can start on those now.
You can also be understanding when she has had a particularly difficult day. Just as a rough day at work negativity colours your thinking about your job, a rough day with the kids colours her view of being a mother. What she says in those times of frustration is like what you say in times of frustration, so take it with a grain of salt. Rather than trying to help her solve problems (and risking insulting her by suggesting things she has tried or is doing), commiserate with her and remind her it’s a season of life.
Great tweet of the week:
God will not change the past, but He changes the way the past affects us. @jenniferdegler
Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:
Featured Post – A must read article I saw this week:
refine us posted The Hardest Battle You Can Fight ◄ “We begin to value acceptance more than our identity and in the process we lose both.”
Black and Married with Kids
Why More Money Is Not Always the Answer ◄ The problem might be your choices!
4 Reasons to Take a Summer Vacation – and You Don’t Even Have to Leave Home ◄ Someone else voicing one of my common rants!
12 Tips for a Calmer, Healthier and Sexier Vacation ◄ And how to make that vacation better.
The Generous Wife
Stepping In ◄ Be on the lookout for ways to make her life easier.
A Kinder Do Over ◄ Being rude? Start over.
It’s Crowded Around Here ◄ “Don’t let the Lamb’s Ear of life crowd out your marriage.”
Two a Day ◄ Think of two things they love and admire about her.
Journey to Surrender
The Eyes Have It! ◄ “What are you saying to your spouse with your eyes?”
Toss the Tech? ◄ Are gadgets hurting communication in your marriage?
Amazing Sex, It Takes Work ◄ Another take on the article I discussed last Sunday.
One Flesh Marriage
Lose Your But ◄ Cute title for a great post.
I Give Myself Permission III ◄ I should have linked to this last night.
The Romantic Vineyard
You Could Be Dissing Your Marriage And Not Know It ◄ Five DISSasters.
Safe at home
Why We All Need A Little Sabbath in Our Homes ◄ Yes and Amen!
…to Love Honor and Vacuum
Standard of Living vs. Quality of Life ◄ How do you determine value?