Maybe it is about the nail?

July 18, 2013

in Communication, Headship/Submission, Her Needs, Links to good stuff, YOU4HER

There’s a good chance you’ve already seen the hilarious video It’s Not About The Nail. If not, check it out before you read my comments.

It's not about the nail © Jason Headley

I’ve said, a number of times, we need to learn to listen to our wives and hear both their thoughts and their feelings before we try to fix things. The standard advice is not to try to fix things at all, just listen. Personally, I think that’s unloving; if you can really give perspective and useful advice, you should. If you can hear her first, both her heart and her mind, she is far more likely to listen to your suggestions. Other times there is no fix, or  there is, but she’s not ready for doing it, and just listening is the best way to go.


If there is a nail in your wife’s head, you need to take her to get medical care immediately, no matter how mad she gets at you for trying to “fix” things! The “trick” is to know when it’s a nail in the head situation and when it’s not. If you don’t step in, is something bad going to happen? Is someone going to get hurt, or put at risk of harm? Is someone going to sin or be put in great temptation?

Do you care enough about your wife to make her mad when it’s for her own good? Do you know her well enough, and hear God clearly enough, to know when that is the situation?

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Good question. After watching the video, I think a better question would be to ask yourself what you would do and what consequences you would be willing to endure while convincing her to, ‘have the nail removed’.

I think that it is more a fear of the consequences, not a lack of concern, that keeps men ‘nice’ when faced with challenging someone who is intimate in their lives, instead of responding to them from the boldness of love. For to remain humbly firm requires love from a heart that is not timid, nor afraid to be wrong- a heart that can stand apart and remain true to righteousness when everyone else is saying, “You’re making a BIG mistake!” ,

I can confirm that there is this fear in me when I need to take a stand and that there will be consequences for choosing to keep this kind of heart in you. I endured, for years, the alienation of my oldest son and lost a good paying job because I took a stand that insisted on changes that were for the betterment of all.

Since then, my son has come around with a renewed respect for me and I am now enabled to go back to school after being laid off for favoring my conscience against the compromises needed to keep my job.

So, for these things and much more, I’ve concluded that righteousness and boldness complement each other and have their best and most potent expression through the humility in agape.

TheGenerousHusband moderator

@Eleutheros Very well said!

Yes, "nice" can result in allowing our wives to suffer needlessly. Taking a stand is scary, and it does not always end as we would like, but it is what we are called to do. 

Romance Man @
Romance Man @

Another way to be sure you are in the right "mode" is to use the universal code for time out (one set of fingers placed into the other hands palm) this way our wife knows we need clarification. Then ask her, "Am I listening or working to fix?"

Hope it helps!

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