“If what you believe does not reflect truth, then what you feel will not reflect reality.” ~ Neil T Anderson
This is one of my all-time favourite quotes, going back a couple of decades. This can be applied to so many things, and is certainly true in marriage.
What we believe is true to us, even if it is dead wrong. Once we accept a belief, we hold to it, guard it, defend it, and even reject people who don’t agree with what we belief. We also judge the world around us, and the people we interact with, based on our beliefs.
When our beliefs are not based in truth, our feelings will not be in line with reality. We can be offended when no offence was intended, angry when nothing was done that should anger us, and worried or scared when there is no reason.
The next time you and your wife can’t even understand what the other is saying, try backing up to what you each believe. If you find a difference in beliefs, you are closer to the real issue. Then make an honest attempt to validate what you believe, and make changes as needed.