If You Want Her to Treat You Well…

July 23, 2013

in Change, Good Marriage

Do you want your wife to be more loving, more giving, and less condemning? Jesus said this about that:

Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.” [Luke 6:37-38 ESV]

Key to love © Stuart Miles | freedigitalphotos.net

Yes I know that was said in general, not about marriage, but it applies to all relationships. When you’re loving you can expect love; when you criticise you can expect to be criticised. You will generally get as much of a break when you blow it as you give her when she blows it. The measure you use with her is the measure she will use with you.

Of course I hear all the time how this is not so, how one spouse feels they are loving and kind and get nothing but nasty in return. I won’t say this is impossible, but it’s not the norm. Either the person making this complaint is unaware how rude, short, and crabby they can be, or they changed recently and expect their spouse to change immediately.

What Jesus said is absolutely how human nature works. If you haven’t made a horrible mess of this for years, any consistent change in how you “measure” should come back to you in a few weeks or months.

By the way, this is one of those places where a modern version can give you a different way to think about the verse:

Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults – unless, of course, you want the same treatment. Don’t condemn those who are down; that hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you’ll find life a lot easier. Give away your life; you’ll find life given back, but not merely given back – given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity.” [Luke 6:37-38 MSG]

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3 comments
Romance Man @ CrackingTheRomanceCode.com
Romance Man @ CrackingTheRomanceCode.com

It is interesting how peaceful life can be when we seek to be peacemakers.  I found out the hard way that it takes two to argue. My wife will not and would not argue with me. Disagree, certainly!  But no matter how hard I tried to force her to my level she would not do it. Turns out she has a very gentle spirit. I was not raised that way but I learned it through her persistence and love for me. God's ways are always the best. Takes some of us (ME) a long to see that.  My wife continued to help me see the true road to forgiveness and kindness.


Thanks again Paul for your encouragement! You are a joy to read my friend.

echu888
echu888

In general, one spouse may be more attacking and critical than the other.  In the case, for example, of a wife who criticizes her husband in order to provoke change, the challenge might be more of the husband not responding in kind when treated in a way that a non-confrontational person finds rather offensive.

By my experience, while being criticized and attacked does not feel good, repaying "eye for an eye" definitely gets you nowhere.  It feels good to hit back for the second but only intensifies the mutual pain and misses a (tough) opportunity to instead sow into the relationship with kindness, care, and compassion.  


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