Got husband points?

August 14, 2013

in Good Marriage, Links to good stuff, Reader Requested, YOU4HER

Someone pointed me to Where do you go to trade in the points? on Seth’s Blog, and asked how I would apply this to marriage.

Point counter © Michelle Meiklejohn | freedigitalphotos.net

Seth’s point is earning “points” for doing something is fine, but trading them in is difficult. He suggests the “best part of earning points is earning them, not trading them in.”

I agree, but I think there’s a bit more to it. The points do matter, if we “earn” them regularly. We can’t trade them in, but we do get some perks for them. We “earn points” for doing things that bless our spouse, or for going beyond what’s expected. This makes our spouse feel loved and appreciated, which generally brings rewards of some sort.

So have fun earning those husband points, and know the rewards are real even though they’re difficult to nail down.

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7 comments
jsdelcamp
jsdelcamp

It would be a great topic of research

jsdelcamp
jsdelcamp

Could this idea be developed a little more fully - positives, dangers, warnings, rewards, where & how rewards can be earned and where and how not.

TheGenerousHusband
TheGenerousHusband moderator

@jsdelcamp I was seeing it as an off the cuff type of thing, with no clear "rules" or standards - so based on that, no.

HappilyMarried
HappilyMarried

I have heard often about making deposits into an emotional bank account are like making deposits into a regular bank account.If there is money in the account, then you can make debits. Our lives as husbands are chances to make deposits into our wives’ emotional bank accounts.Are all deposits equal?Some would say that all deposits to the emotional account are equal, but I disagree.I believe that mowing the lawn earns less than letting her vent to her husband about the day’s woes without him trying to “fix them”.I believe that making her feel treasured and secure earns more than fixing the kitchen sink.And then, how do we redeem those “brownie points”?I don’t believe that we husbands need to worry about the redemption of those points if our motives are sound.If we give only to get, then the return on our investment will be nil, and we will end up in poverty.If our motives are pure, then the return will be more than we could ever imagine or contain.My views are not wishful thinking but being lived out every day, and it is wonderful to be rich!

TheGenerousHusband
TheGenerousHusband moderator

@HappilyMarried I think the bank account idea is right.

I agree all are not equal, but it will vary form couple to couple. For some women mowing the lawn (before it's horrible) is huge.

HappilyMarried
HappilyMarried

Thanks for your response. I would agree with you that mowing the lawn has its inherent "point value"; however, I think the common thread that permeates virtually every relationship is the need for the wife to feel secure. I know that I am making this very simplistic, but my approach is more motive-based than action-based. Mowing grass because it is "my yard" and "my responsibility" is more action-based. You are doing it because it needs to get done. If you know that it is important to your wife to have a nicely manicured lawn and you do it because it is a gift of adoration to her, then I believe that it scores a different point value. When husbands "slay dragons" for their wives no matter what that may entail, then she is able to let down her guards and know that she is safe. And yes, for every woman, things that make her feel secure may be completely different. It is the husband's job to find that out.

TheGenerousHusband
TheGenerousHusband moderator

@HappilyMarried On the other side, if you don't do it, she may feel you don't care about your home, which makes her feel insecure, or that you don't care about her. If how the yard looks if very important to her, she will value this more than most women.

I agree with your larger point, just making the case that what women value varies a great deal.

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