There have been some interesting comments on my Proverbs 31 woman post.
J from Hot, Holy, & Humorous said, “I hear from more wives these days who wish their husbands were stronger and led more. I think they have an innate sense that if that happened, those women could be as strong as they wanted but still feel the security of their husbands as a foundation in their lives.“
I am well aware of this issue, and it seems to be increasingly common; she wants to follow, but he will not lead.
Why would a woman want her husband to lead? The easy answer is “God made them that way” but let’s go deeper. I think any wise person understands just because a feeling, thought, or desire is strong does not make it right. We all make mistakes, but the more wise counsel we have, the fewer mistakes we make. A strong woman wants and needs a strong man who will give her a safe place from which to do what she does. (As an aside, some who are perceived think as “strong women” are not – they are scared and desperate, and that makes them aggressive and harmful. Men can be the same way.)
Why would a man choose not to lead?
- The world has told us men are mean, manipulative, abusive, and so on. A man may think if he just sits back and lets life happen around him, he can’t be accused of these things. Of course, many men do nothing and are still blamed. Regardless, they are ignoring something God told them to do.
- A man may think, “What qualifies me to lead”? I actually think such a fear shows he is in the right place to lead, because if he does it in his own strength, he’s going to make a mess of it. If we turns to God, we’ll find amazing things happen.
- Some men say trying to lead would result in their wife divorcing them. While this is probably true for a very few, I doubt it is common; especially if he leads as God intends.
- The world teaches men and women are the same other than for a few minor differences related to reproduction. There are no difference in callings, abilities, strengths, or weaknesses. Based on that, no one should lead in a marriage.
- The church has twin errors here. Some are teaching the world-view, while others promote a version of headship that is completely at odds with what the Bible teaches. Some men don’t lead because the church teaches them not to, while others don’t lead because the version of leading they have heard feels wrong or even abusive.
- Some men just don’t care much about anything.
- Other men don’t care enough about their wife to do what is right.
God didn’t say men could be the head if they felt like it, or if their wife signed on. God expects men to lead, regardless of how they or their wife feel about it. This is a “Just Do It” kind of thing!