Is Lack of Sleep Hurting your Marriage?

August 20, 2013

in Links to good stuff, Marriage Killer, Understanding Her

I have often mentioned the importance of sleep to the health of your marriageyour sex life, and physical health. I have also mentioned a bad night of sleep for her is worse for your marriage than a bad night for you. A new study from UC Berkeley adds additional proof poor sleep is harmful to your marriage. 

Bed Time! © Stuart Miles |

The study found couples are more likely to fight after a poor night of sleep. What’s more, they learned poor sleep resulted in feeling more negative during discussions of difficult issues. Even worse, a lack of sleep reduced conflict-resolution skills and impairs being able to gauge accurately your partner’s emotions. In a nutshell, bad sleep increases arguments, makes them worse, and reduces the chances of reaching a solution.

You probably know the things recommended for better sleep, but as a reminder:

  • Make your room very dark, and avoid bright lights before bedtime.
  • Keep your bedroom cool.
  • Find ways to make your bedroom quiet; add white noise, or wear earplugs.
  • Get a quality bed. (I am partial to the “sleep number” type beds). Yes a good bed it expensive, but if you understand how poor sleep hurts you, it’s worth it.
  • Avoid caffeine in the afternoon and evening.
  • Avoid spicy food and alcohol in the evening, and don’t have a large meal too close to bedtime.
  • Keep evening liquid intake low so a full bladder doesn’t wake you.
  • Develop an evening routine.
  • Try to keep the same bedtime and wake up time all week, including the weekend.
  • Use your bedroom for sleep, sex, and changing ONLY.
  • Avoid heavy exercise too close to bedtime, but do get good exercise.
  • Sex is a natural sleep aid!

As with anything, your mileage will vary. For example, some folks can drink coffee before bed and sleep just fine, while others have to cut off all caffeine by noon. All of these will have some impact on your sleep, but some will be too minor for you to notice. If you are having trouble, apply everything then back off on them one at a time and see what makes sleep worse.

Please don’t see sleep as a waste of time or laziness. Good sleep is essential to good mental, physical, and marital health. See sleep for what it is, an investment in your life.

Links may be monetised
Image Credit: © Stuart Miles |

Shop AmazonShop to give links page
We are donation supported – thanks for your help!



I know I need to get more sleep. I get up for work at 4:30 am and my wife and I go to bed at 10pm. So I only have 6 hours of sleep on a good night. We have sex only twice a month on average. I am afraid if I go to sleep earlier then it will happen even less than that. I know people talk about morning sex but that doesn't happen and never has in 12 years of marriage. so I continue to run on little to no sleep and make up for it with energy drinks. I know it is bad for me but don't see how to change it.


"Sex is a natural sleep aid!"

Amen. Amen! AMEN!  I can testify to that!  I was one who went from sexual frequency from 4-5 times a month to 5-7 times a week.  I have not slept this good my whole married life, even pre-kids, and on nights that, for whatever reason. we don't have sex, I don't sleep as well.  For the past 5 years, I seemed to have been in a habit of waking up around 3:30 am and staying awake for 2-3 hours before dozing back off, but when we started nightly lovemaking, it stopped, and that has been for 4 months now!

TheGenerousHusband moderator

@janna94 Funny how some folks skip sex because they need sleep, then get less and poorer sleep than if they took the time for sex.

Previous post:

Next post: