For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women

August 22, 2013

in Must Read Marriage Book, Understanding Her

First, a confession – I had not read this book until this month. It has been on my “see if it is as good as they say” list” for a good long while. Turns out it is as good folks say.

For Men Only  © Multnomah Books

For men only is a follow up to the very popular for women only by Shaunti Feldhahn. This book, by Shaunti along her husband Jeff, is designed to help men understand their wives. Insights into what women think (as well as just how much they think) give you a good starting place. You will also find information to help you decode her oddest behaviour, and suggestions for how to avoid or recover from common mistakes. Among other things, this book explains just how different male and female brains are, and it does a good job of turning complicated brain science into everyday English.

Every woman is unique, so you can’t read this and walk away an expert, but you will walk away with tools that will help you learn your wife.

For Men Only, Revised and Updated Edition: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women

Hardcover
Kindle
Audio CD

Other Must Read Marriage Books:

The Irresistible Husband 
by Jason Gratehouse

Kindle

Inside-Out Simplicity

Kindle

Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together

Paperback
Hardcover
Kindle
Audio CD

Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives

Paperback
Kindle
Audio

Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs

Hardcover
Kindle
Audio

Love Does: Discover a Secretly Incredible Life in an Ordinary World

Paperback
Kindle
Audio

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Paperback
Kindle

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10 comments
HotHolyHumorous
HotHolyHumorous

I love the Feldhan series. The ones for young women and young men are good too. And they are easy reads with not too much actual bulk, but plenty of substance. Good pick, Paul! :)

Roomtogrow
Roomtogrow

Do you have any suggestions for how to get a husband to read these or any books on marriage? My husband is not a reader, can't seem to hear me or anyone else and doesn't seem interested in learning how to create a better marriage. Even "31 Days to Great Sex" couldn't budge him. He just wants me to be 'okay' with things as they are but I haven't been 'okay' for a long, long time. There's no depth and no real intimacy. Suggestions, please! 

TonyB
TonyB

@Roomtogrow

I guess I have to ask what's wrong with how he wants in marriage?

If you present this as he's doing marriage wrong, too shallow, etc, then it just becomes, "please fix my husband."

If you continue to approach this as the problem is with my husband, it's unlikely that he'll be enthusiastic about getting on board that train.

It's a catch 22 because you say you want "real intimacy" but sound very critical of him.  So the more you criticize, the less likely he is to want your brand of real intimacy.

The other thing is that he may have a totally different view of what constitutes "real intimacy" and every time you tell him in word or deed that his view is inferior, that will simply drive him further and further from where you want to be.

How do you leverage the different skills, talents and desires you both bring to the marriage.  It's not about doing it his way or your way.  It's about cherishing with God has put together in both you.

If you are like him or he is like you, then one of you is redundant.

Instead of finding fault with his approach, is it possible God made him the way he is to provide for you in ways you never thought of?

TheGenerousHusband
TheGenerousHusband moderator

@TonyB @Roomtogrow I mentioned the book for women, which is all about how they can understand men and figure out how to live with them. Given this list if for men, not women, I focused on the man's side. \

FWIW, the book for women talks a great deal about sex, and explains it is how men feel and show intimacy. If either spouse reads and applies the book for them their marriage will improve. If both do, it will improve a great deal.

Roomtogrow
Roomtogrow

@TonyB @Roomtogrow Thanks for your input, Tony. No doubt we have both tried to fix the other, with grave consequence. I can't say what he views as intimacy, other than sex, because either we don't have those conversations or they end in arguing. I try to encourage closeness and growth by saying what I desire or need and he takes it as being critical, and he won't answer when I ask what he needs or desires; he says he doesn't NEED me for anything, but he does want my respect. My 'brand of intimacy' is more than him just showing up wanting a quick sexual encounter (the usual for years) or watching countless hours of tv. I don't expect him to be like me (redundancy) but I thought somewhere this was about meeting the other person's needs (both ways) and growing into togetherness. And, to be honest, the "God made me this way" line is baloney. As Christians we are supposed to be being conformed into the image of Christ, not always doing our own thing. I know I am far from that goal myself and wasn't a Christian for the first decade of our marriage but, living for yourself (hobbies, sports, tv, etc.) how and when you want and merely leaving your paycheck on the dresser and showing up for dinner and sex is not the brand of intimacy that fuels my tank. I remind myself it's not all about me and what I need or my rights... What ways of providing might you be referring to that I should consider?

janna94
janna94

@Roomtogrow What about audio books?  My husband isn't a reader and he is painfully slow at it when he does read, but he'll listen to audio books.  Audio's are great for commutes, road trips, running, or if he's just doing some manual labor in the garage and he can have it on to listen to.

Roomtogrow
Roomtogrow

@janna94 @Roomtogrow   I have tried that; his 'commute' is about 5 minutes. As for road trips he says he can't listen and drive. He does run so I might suggest that one but a lot of books aren't on audio. Basically, he doesn't want to hear anything, sees it all as a cut down, that what he does or doesn't do and does or doesn't know should be okay by me and is as far as we'll go on just about any subject, but especially as it concerns our relationship and marriage. I'm looking for suggestions not only as to how to get him interested enough to consume some information but in how to get him invested in the marriage in general. Thank you for your suggestion:)

TheGenerousHusband
TheGenerousHusband moderator

@Roomtogrow @janna94 You have to get his attention. He won't even think about change unless not changing is going to cost him more than the effort to change.

An ultimatum is one way to go, but not a first choice, and not always appropriate. My suggestion would be to explain to him that the current path is causing you to lose love and respect for him. Spell out what that means, to him.

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