Warning: This will be graphic and possibly disturbing. Feel free to just say no and skip it.
A wife who reads this blog asked if I would “do a piece on anal sex”. Sure, why not – maybe I can upset everyone all at once!
For starters, I’m not going to say anal sex is sin. Frankly I’d like to say it’s sin and leave it there, but I have one little problem with saying that – I can’t find it in the Bible. I could probably paste together some out of context bits of Scripture to “prove” it’s wrong, but I am allergic to that kind of thing. I’ve often said the burden of proof is on the one who wants to add to God’s rules, and I abide by that even when I don’t like it.
Many blame porn for the recent increased popularity of anal sex, and this seem to be valid. While heterosexual anal intercourse is hardly new (there are artistic representations going back to 300 AD), it has become far, far more common in the last few decades, with the increase closely following an increase of anal sex in porn. I have no doubt porn has made anal sex more popular, but that does not make it wrong. Porn includes plenty of sex acts that aren’t wrong (when done by husband and wife) so being done in porn doesn’t make it wrong.
All that said, according to Craig Gross, founder of XXXchurch.com, porn actresses are paid twice as much for doing anal intercourse as for vaginal. Does that mean they are less willing to do anal for some reason? Makes you wonder. I’ve also seen reports those who revice anal in porn do an enima, or two, before hand. Additioanly, grimices or vocilisations of discomfort/pain are apperently clipped from anal porn sceans farily often.
So is it Okay?
“Not sin” and “okay” are two different things… and good is still another matter.
A lot of women who find the idea gross are being pushed to try anal sex, which I find unloving and selfish. Porn and society have convinced many men anal sex is the ultimate, and they feel cheated if their wife says no. Some talk about anal sex as a gift, a way of proving her love for your man. Ladies, if he needs anal to believe you love him, he needs help!
It’s difficult to find good information on how harmful anal sex might be. Because the act is associated with homosexuality, speaking against it can bring on the wrath of “pro-gay” groups. I’m aware of several medical articles dealing with anal sex removed from the Internet, and at least one was confirmed to be because of such protests.
The short answer is yes, anal sex can cause damage. It can cause or aggravate haemorrhoids, cause anal fissures (tears), an anal fistula (a tunnel from the anus to some other part of the body, most commonly exiting the body a short distance from the anus), or cause rectal prolapse (a part of the rectum slides out of place). How commonly these result from anal sex is not known. All of these can occur for other reasons, and those who suffer from them may not tell their doctor they engage in anal sex. A 1993 British study compared 40 homosexual men who received anal sex with 18 heterosexual men. Thirty-five percent of the homosexual group suffered regular anal incontinence, while only 6% of the heterosexual men had the same problem. This shows a clear problem, but it can’t be applied to women. Most homosexual men have far more anal sex than heterosexual couples, which would make their risk greater. However, men are usually larger than women, including their rectum and anus, so women would be more easily damaged. It’s been claimed the incidence of anal fissures in women at college clinics has been rising, witj anal sex is the cause. While many will confirm they’ve seen this, no one has done a study.
Most of the research on the danger of anal sex is focused on STDs, which are far more easily contracted through anal sex than any other sex act. Given how big a problem STDs are, it is understandable other problems with anal sex aren’t a top priority. The bottom line is there is a risk, but no one can say how great a risk.
The other danger of anal sex is contamination. The bacteria in the rectum can cause problems, particularly if they make their way to the vagina. Unless a condom is used, the penis should be washed thoroughly immediately after being withdrawn from the anus.
Those who are in favour of anal sex are fond of saying “If it hurts, you’re doing it wrong”. Their mantra is “go slow and use a lot of lube and it will be fine.” However, some women never get past the pain. One well-done study of women who had tried anal sex more than once found 9% of the women had extreme pain with every attempt. Those who avoid extreme pain may still suffer lesser amounts of pain. Many women who have tried it repeatedly have never been able to do it without pain or discomfort.
Do some women like it?
Yes, some do. Some even say they climax from it (some with added clitoral stimulation, some without). The surveys I could find on this are Internet or magazine surveys, so they’re less than ideal. Rates of women who found it at least somewhat enjoyable range from 5% to 40%. Even on surveys where the “like” rate was high, at least half the women didn’t like it, and most surveys found the dislike rates higher. Clearly, a majority of women do not enjoy anal sex.
How many heterosexuals are engaging in anal sex? The following is based on the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior. This chart shows how many men and woman, by age, say they have engaged in heterosexual intercourse in the year prior to answering the survey:
There is far more anal sex among younger individuals, with a peak in the latter 20’s. Studies asking if people have ever in their life engaged in anal sex find rates for those over 45 are lower than for younger individuals, and it becomes rarer with greater age. This means anal sex isn’t something people do when they are young then give up; rather it is being done more often now than in the past.
You can’t call anal sex sin without playing loose with the Bible. Some women enjoy it, but most do not, and some can’t do it without physical discomfort – or worse. Insisting on this when your wife doesn’t want to do it is the opposite of love, and asking for it after she has tried it and rejected it is even worse. Unlike oral sex, there is some real potential harm, and many women can’t “learn to enjoy it”.
If you feel cheated because your wife won’t have anal sex with you I would suggest you’ve been brainwashed by porn, or by a culture brainwashed by porn.