Reasonable vs Unreasonable

September 12, 2013

in Be a grownup, Marriage Killer

Yesterday I talked about setting a reasonable amount for “your share” of the work in your marriage. Today I want to expand on that idea.

What do you do if your spouse has unreasonable expectations of you? What if she treats you unreasonably? What if she is just unreasonable in general?

Stacked Stones © lkunl |

The human tendency is to counter balance. If she expects too much in one area, you do less. If she focuses on something too little, you focus on it too much. This is our normal reaction, but it is not a good reaction. Doing this means, you are letting her determine your behaviour, limits, and choices; you are not acting, you are reacting.

Imagine what life would be like if your spouse were reasonable. What would she do and what would she expect of you? What would you gladly do if she were reasonable? To the best of your ability do those things even when your wife is not reasonable. Give her what should be right, and hold to that knowing you have set a reasonable tone.

Bottom Line: You cannot force her to be reasonable, but you can choose to be reasonable even when she chooses to be unreasonable. 

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Well said, we all need to remember we can only be responsible for our own actions.  We can try to motivate others to certain actions, but ultimately it is up to them to do the action. (I apologize if this comment is a repeat - had trouble posting.)

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