Imagine climbing a rope, and at the top is a chocolate bar – or whatever you really like to eat. Any time you climb the rope, the treat is there. There would be times you wouldn’t be willing to climb the rope, even though you would enjoy the reward when you got to the top. The reward wouldn’t be worth the effort on some occasions.
For most women sex is like this at times; even if they’re sure there’s a great orgasm at the end of the climb, there are times when they’re just too tired, or too stressed, or too something else to find the reward worth the effort. For men feeling sex is “not worth the effort” is rare, and some younger men may never have felt that way. However, most women feel this way from time to time, or maybe most of the time depending on how chaotic their life is.
If you understand this, you can empathise with your wife when she feels sex isn’t worth the effort. Expecting her to climb the rope just so you can have what is at the top seems a bit selfish, does it not?
Of course, this doesn’t change the reality she is supposed to be there for you sexually, but if you understand how she feels, you’ll likely be more reasonable. On occasion you may willingly choose not to have sex. Another option for some women is sex “just for him”. Some women can have sex without getting so aroused they need a climax that’s more effort than it is worth. Such a woman may be more than happy to have sex, as long as you understand it’s just for you, and you don’t try to get her worked up.