A few months back The Forgiven Wife wrote a great blog post entitled Growing, Together. In that post she said:
“My gate-keeping and refusal also taught him that our sex life was for him, not for me and not for us.“
She was talking about gate-keeping in the area of sex, which most of us have experienced. However, gate-keeping happens in many areas, and it’s always harmful to both the one being limited and to the one who is doing the limiting. Gate-keeping sends all kinds of messages, none of which are loving or encouraging. Gate-keeping creates a power struggle, with each spouse fighting for control or feeling wronged for having control taken from them.
Spend some time thinking and praying about gate-keeping, and where you might be doing it to your wife. Are you limiting her access to you in any way? Do you limit her ability to do things? Maybe you limit her indirectly by not being “available” to care for the children or delaying doing things she’s not strong enough to do.
Gate-keeping has no place in a healthy marriage. If you think your gate-keeping is justified, that indicates there’s something wrong with your marriage, your wife, or you.
Great tweet of the week:
Am I listening to what he actually says or am I just hearing what I want to hear or what I expect to hear?@generouswife
Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:
Featured Post – A must read article I saw this week:
to Love Honor and Vacuum posted Can Couples Be Sexually Incompatible? The Myth of Sexual Incompatibility ◄ This is spot on and brilliantly expressed.
Black and Married with Kids
Fellas, Realize that You Need Her Before She’s Ready to Leave ◄ If you feel this way, tell her!
The Generous Wife
Celebrate Your Sweetie ◄ Sweetest Day is a month away.
When You’re Seeing Red ◄ Right and wrong ways to react to anger.
Giving Thought to Thoughtfulness ◄ Little things can be huge. (And a great picture of our dog.)
Take a Week ◄ A great way to make changes.
Genuine Husband: An Intimate Look At Psalm 139 ◄ Why you need to KNOW your wife.
Intimacy in Marriage
3 Ways Financial Stress Damages Sexual Desire ◄ This tends to be harder on women than men – be aware of it!
Journey to Surrender
Truth: Timing is Everything ◄ And how communication can make things better.
…to Love Honor and Vacuum
Anger and the Measure of a Person ◄ So Sheila is meddling now…