It’s Not Your Job

October 6, 2013

in 2013 Awesome Husband, Change, Headship/Submission, Links to good stuff

Early on in my marriage, I assumed it was my job to correct and fix my wife in every possible way. I failed to see the gross arrogance of this. I was the head and that must mean I was smarter and wiser. I wouldn’t actually have said I was smarter or wiser had someone asked, but somehow I still thought being the head both qualified and required me to fix my wife.

Fixing © -Marcus- |

Today I would say I am sometimes part of what God uses to correct and fix my wife. My greatest challenge is knowing when to do or say something, and when to get out of the way so God can do His thing. I realise I’ve often interfered with God’s plans for my wife because of my arrogance, fear, selfishness, or just plain cluelessness.

It’s God’s job to grow up my wife, and He can do it far, far better than I can. What’s more, if I get involved when I shouldn’t, I give her an excuse for not hearing or following God.

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Great tweet of the week:

Normal healthy #relationships go through three stages: falling in, falling out and falling back in love. #sexplanation @AskLaurieWatson

Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:


New blog this week – Cracking The Romance Code. New blog from a fellow with a lot of years of experience.

Featured Post – A must read article I saw this week:
intentionally yours posted Not Becoming the Father I Hated ◄ Is this a battle you are fighting, of should be fighting?


Assume Love

Don’t Take It Personally ◄ And some good suggestions on how to accomplish that.
What to Do with an Angry Spouse ◄ Why am I humming “What shall we do with a drunken sailor” (Good article, BTW)

Cracking The Romance Code

“Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff”, can actually destroy your marriage. ◄ The little things can make a huge difference!
What is Romance? Have you ever consciously thought about how you define romance? ◄ Excellent thoughts on romance!

The Generous Wife

Honoring His Values ◄ Works with the genders reversed too.
Keep in Touch ◄ Even more important for the fellows than the ladies to do.

Intimacy in Marriage

5 Reasons You May Be Sexually Inhibited ◄ Some of these apply to men, but read it for a better understanding of your bride.

One Flesh Marriage

Religion is Hurting Your Marriage ◄ It may well be true – great article!

The Romantic Vineyard

“Don’t Talk To Anyone About This!” ◄ Things hidden do not get fixed.

Sex Within Marriage

You don’t have time for sex? ◄ Something has to go – but what?


I think you are write when you say the hard part is knowing when to help and knowing when not to help.  If you get that one figured out, please let me know, I need to get a better grasp on it.

Romance Man @
Romance Man @


 You bring back such vivid memories! Without all the details, I tried desperately over several weeks to eliminate a lot of my wife's pain at her work place. Time after time she poured out her heart and of course, I responded in typical "guy" style.  After she had had enough one particular time, she looked at me and said in an obviously agitated state, "Why don't you listen to me!"   I have to tell you I was devastated. My heart is to help but I did it in my way, not what she needed. In our marriage seminars, my wife and I have role played that scene numerous times for the audience. Always the guys are right in line on line with me and the wives are completely understanding of Elaine.  Then we turn the tables and ask them, "What did Jerry do wrong?" The guys answer, "Nothing!" and the women roll their eyes and make some remark about the whole "MEN!" gender.

We use this as a great opportunity to open up dialogue between husbands and wives on why men try to "fix" and women only want to "talk" their problems out.

Thank you for the reminder!


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