5 Questions: Are You a Great Husband?

October 13, 2013

in 2013 Awesome Husband, Change, Her Needs, Seeing Clearly

How do you think you rate as a husband?

2013 Awesome Husband Project © Paul H. Byerly

It may surprise you that I don’t think of myself as a great husband. Sure, I could look around and conclude I’m above average, but so what? Given how many marriages end in divorce, and how many other couples stay in miserable marriages, being better than average is still rather poor. Besides, I’m not competing with other men, I’m competing with myself

I think I’m a good husband to my wife, and I think I continue to get better, but I have a very long way to go.

The reasons I’m not as great as I would like to be? I’m selfish, and I’m rather opinionated. I’ve done a lot to reduce those things, but they still live in me and they still limit my awesome husband potential.

What makes me a good husband is focusing on what my wife wants and needs. I focus on fixing the parts of myself that most hurt, frustrate, or limit her. Some of my growing up is for and about me, but a good deal of it is about her; about her needs and wants.

Where am I falling short? I don’t always get things done for her quickly. I will often stop and do little stuff immediately (in part because if I don’t I know I may not get it done), but bigger things often take me far too long. I could excuse that based on how busy I am, but I need to be less busy and I need to put what’s important to her higher on my list of priorities. I also expect her attention “right now”. I’m fighting that, but so far it just means a short lag between me being (wrongly) frustrated and doing or saying something to communicate my frustration. This one I have only seen recently, and I am still working on it.

Where have I improved? I used to be very messy, and it truly hurt my wife. I’ve gotten way, way better on this one, and I continue to improve. I’ve attained a level of “neat” well beyond anything I care about, but I keep working on it for her.

Okay, your turn. Answer these five questions:

  1. What attitudes and intentions keep you from being a great husband?
  2. What attitudes and intentions make you a good husband?
  3. Where are you falling short?
  4. Where have you improved?
  5. What are you going to do about this?

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Great tweet of the week:

Don’t be so stubborn @ForBetterOrWhat

Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:

Featured Post – A must read article I saw this week:
Storyline (Donald Miller) posted Why Self Pity is Ruining Your Life ◄ Get over it and get a better life.

A Grown Up Marriage

How to Avoid Growing Apart ◄ Be on the lookout for it, and be ready to act.


Black and Married with Kids

3 Statements Every Spouse Needs to Hear ◄ Got these covered?


Cracking The Romance Code

What do you do for fun? ◄ You know, besides sex.


The Generous Wife

Husbands Too ◄ And even wives!
Better Conversation ◄ A vital marriage building skill.


Marriage Gems

Does Your Marriage Have Enough Grit? ◄ Got Grit?


Safe at home

Home Ain’t Your House ◄ “I wonder how many of us, if we’re honest, put a lot more stock in the buildings we live in than we should.”


…to Love Honor and Vacuum

Women Need Foreplay: When Husbands Don’t Understand Its Importance ◄ You know this, right?

3 comments
Eleutheros
Eleutheros

What makes a man a great, awesome and beautiful husband is not that he has the ability to always please his wife in everything, but that he has the ability to do exactly what you described here; that is, better his Self to become a man fit for his wife to love. Of course a great, awesome and beautiful wife can do the same; better her Self to become a woman fit for her husband to love.

True humility will, of course, insist that if a man can, with a good conscience say that this ability to make himself fit for his wife is a truth in his soul, then it is to be acknowledged that he is indeed a great, awesome or beautiful husband; for true humility is bold where truth is concerned, without being overbearing and prideful about knowing the truth of one’s Self.

The proof of this will come from your own Bride’s lips when she, of her own volition, acknowledges that you are a great, awesome and beautiful husband.

“You will know the Truth and the Truth will manumit you”- Jesus

Romance Man @ CrackingTheRomanceCode.com
Romance Man @ CrackingTheRomanceCode.com

When we focus more on our wife and less on "me" we begin to make some headway. The adage it true, "What you think about, comes about" so when you dwell on the negative, you continue that bad behavior. When you focus on something else (like her needs) you are more likely to accomplish something good for her. 

In some of our date nights, I took the opportunity to ask my wife about what she wanted and needed for me to be doing for her. I told her that I should realize these points on my own, but I wanted to be on target with my actions. She smiled and shared with me a few general thoughts the first time. When I did this "exercise" a couple of times, she became more open to my question.  I also told her my motivation was to put her first in my thoughts more often. She smiled!

After 39 years, my bride and I are beginning to communicate more openly. We still learn about each other.

Thanks for the added questions Paul! -  Jerry

TheGenerousHusband
TheGenerousHusband moderator

@Romance Man Great idea. We will often say "What do you need from me today, or this week, or during this time frame." Of course actually working on what the other says helps them to be more open in the future!

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