Porn is Poison to Real Sex Lives

October 19, 2013

in Links to good stuff, Sex Positive

There is a massive debate (argument, fight, whatever) about porn going on. There are those who say there is no “proof” porn is harmful. This reminds me of the claim from tobacco companies when I was a kid – they kept saying repeatedly “there is no scientific proof cigarette smoking causes lung cancer”. This was all built on manipulation of the word “cause” (not everyone who smoked got lung cancer, so clearly smoking could not be causing cancer) and the general public’s lack of understanding of science (there is no such thing as “scientific proof” and since everything is always open to further study and revision, science does not say something is 100% sure).

Long before courts looked at the evidence and said yes, smoking causes cancer, many had seen more than enough correlation to say, “Smoking causes cancer”. (Yes, I know correlation does not imply causation, but as you weed out other possible causative factors, the options drop to one.)

Caught! © Scott Griessel | Dreamstime.com

Over the past decade, I’ve seen many secular folks start to express concern about porn. This is especially true for those who work with couples/marriages, those who do any kind of sex therapy or counselling, and general therapists and counsellors who have had men come to them with problems associated with porn use. There are now a number of “no fap” message boards on the web, places where men encourage each other not to masturbate – especially to internet porn. The members of these boards are overwhelmingly secular. They are trying to give up porn because they started having problems having sex with real women; they could not get or keeping an erection or found it difficult or impossible to reach climax. Most of these men are mid 20’s to mid 30’s.

Then you have something like this recent article: Experiment that convinced me online porn is the most pernicious threat facing children today: By ex-lads’ mag editor Martin Daubney. A “lads’ mag” is soft porn, a lot like Maxim, expect they show naked breasts and butts, so this is a significant turnaround for the author. (It is also a scary article for anyone with kids!)

Much of the focus in on protecting children, but the evidence of harm goes well beyond the horrible things porn is doing to our kids. It’s very much like smoking – some seem to escape major harm, but the risk is high and the cost extreme. Porn is a fool’s game, in my opinion. It’s done by men who put something ahead of their love and desire for their wife.

If you know it’s hurting you and you want to get free, take action. Confess to someone and ask them to keep you accountable. Look into software that reports where you go on-line. Go to bebroken.com or xxxchurch.com and get some help.

Another interesting articleA Porn Star’s Letter to Her Unborn Son  

 

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10 comments
JR Bob
JR Bob

It's interesting this is another man / women difference thing.


Many or most men think its wrong and potentially dangerous.


Many or Most women REVILE it, to the point of being nauseated by it.


Women seem to see watching it as a form of adultery.  I'm not sure men see it that way.


I wonder what the reason difference is?

ersula_mcrae
ersula_mcrae

This could go SO much further. I think it's interesting to also look at Songs of Solomon, where sex is explicitly described but not perverted. I think sexual material is vital but a line has to be drawn between what's pornographic and what's helpful in fascilitating great marital sex.

stevevan
stevevan

a must read in this topic is SURFING FOR GOD by michael Cusick. Not a don't do porn book and try harder but deals with the deeper issues of why porn is addictive and how to stop. real life transformation.

Eleutheros
Eleutheros

Thank you for posting this, especially the links. Reading the articles was like having my face slapped to awaken me from sleep. The human soul, especially a still developing one, was never meant to be subjected to this kind of subtle evil perpetrated in the name of Eros. It was a frightening thing to be made aware of just how easily social media has given children access to the most extreme pornographic imagery produced by 'The Industry'. 'Pretty porn' was what I found in the trash bins when I was young. The porn that the children of this generation are finding on-line and sharing is horrifying. A soul exposed to the imagery produced by this extreme degradation of our sexuality cannot possibly emerge unscathed and so I was reminded of the words of Jesus:" And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold" Matt 24:12 KJV.

What can be done?

marseille55
marseille55

Paul,

Greatly appreciate the article and the linked articles which were powerful.  

I am currently working with a man who first discovered porn when he was 9.  His marriage of 10+ years has barely survived because he has preferred porn to his wife, by his own admission.  He is, by God's grace, working to break free but recognizes that this is a long trek due to the "brain damage" done by so many years [and in his formative years] of watching porn.  


TheGenerousHusband
TheGenerousHusband moderator

@JR Bob  Men see sex primarily as physical, and there is not physical contact when you watch porn. Women see sex as mental and emotion, and that does happen when you watch porn. 


BTW, based on Matthew 5:28 I think the ladies have a valid point.

TheGenerousHusband
TheGenerousHusband moderator

@marseille55 What most do not realise is just how common this is. How horrible to enter marriage unable to enjoy sex with your wife!

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