A couple of years ago I wrote Wants versus Needs in which I said true needs are very few: air, food, water, shelter, and a few others. I also pointed out we need more than just those things to be emotionalyl and mentally healthy.
Yet, couples will try to defend saying no to something with “It’s a want, not a need.” It seems to me if you only feel obliged to provide what your spouse “needs” you’re not acting out of love.
Love sees wants as important. Love desires to give not just what’s necessary, but what’s wanted. Love is not satisfied with the minimum, love wants to give in excess. If this isn’t how you feel about providing what your wife wants, something is wrong. If it’s not how she feels about providing what you want, something is wrong.
A discussion about this might help, but changing how you act is more likely to be effective. If you start to see her wants through love, it will likely change how she sees your wants.