Apologise – for Real

November 20, 2013

in None of the Above

Odds are you need to apologise to your wife on occasion. Maybe you need to do it more often than you actually do so. Regardless, a poor apology is worse than no apology at all; it just adds insult to injury.

Apologising is difficult because it means admitting we aren’t perfect. It is okay, though because your wife probably knows you’re not perfect! So work on doing it right, and reap the rewards for both of you.

Teddy Bear Apology © Anke Van Wyk | Dreamstime.com

First ways of apologising you should avoid:

  • Put it on her. Making it about her hormones, her being too sensitive, or her misunderstanding. If you have any fault, please admit it.
  • Expecting her to reciprocate. “I’ll apologise to you if you apologise to me” is insulting.
  • Justifying yourself. Either you were wrong or you were not. Extenuating circumstances do not excuse you.
  • Trying to buy your way out of it. Give flowers and gifts to show love, not to be forgiven.
  • Doing it by email, text, phone, or card. You need to make this personal.

A great apology has all of the following:

  • Admit what you did and make it clear you know you were wrong.
  • Explain what happened. This is about clarity, not excuses.
  • Express appropriate remorse.
  • Do whatever you can to fix any damage done. Asking how you can fix it is a good idea.
  • Tell her what you have learned from this, and how you plan to handle a similar situation in the future.

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4 comments
Romance Man @ CrackingTheRomanceCode.com
Romance Man @ CrackingTheRomanceCode.com

You have good articles for us Paul!  Men seem to find it difficult to admit we have done something incorrectly. It seems some men believe that admitting to something we did is less "manly". Actually if you ask your wife, admitting that you were wrong is often very "manly" in her eyes. As Eleutheros mentioned, speed is important. Do not wait until she brings up the subject. However, if you sense there is an issues, you might ask her, "Is there some problem between us I don't seem to see?"  If you are honest with her, she can then relate the problem. This is only if you are completely unaware of the issue.

Be ready for her defenses to go up. It is at this time when you need to be ready to submit to her. She is feeling injured and you need to be ultra sensitive to her, not on your offensive.

Eleutheros
Eleutheros

GREAT ARTICLE! One thing more I would add is that the quicker the apology comes, the better. Immediately is preferred.

Anyone of us knows when we are in the wrong because we all have a conscience, that is, 'the knowledge of the difference between good and evil' within us. So, a clean and well-calibrated conscience, tuned to loving your spouse, is a sensitive and quick conscience. Therefore, even if you are in the right in the differences between you and you know it, but you have presented yourself with self-justification, you are now in the wrong and you know it. A quick apology goes a very long way when things like this happen, both toward improving communication between you and your spouse and toward making you a better human being.

A clean conscience is from Jehovah, but it is our responsibility to maintain it.

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