Words and phrases can stick in our heads, taunting and haunting us years and even decades after they were spoken.
- Why are you so stupid?
- You’re fat!
- Why can’t you be more like your brother?
- You have funny looking legs.
- You’ll never amount to anything.
- Everyone knows that.
- No one really likes you.
- I’m too busy to help/play with you.
Often we internalize these words, accepting their messages as if they were true. This results in various actions:
- Doing things to prove we’re not what the words said.
- Avoiding doing things that would show the words are true.
- Anger at others who look like what the words told us about ourselves.
- Seeking validation and approval from those who spoke the words, or from surrogates (especially our spouses).
- Compensating by trying to excel to ridiculous extremes in other areas.
- Over reacting to a word or phrase said today that is not intended negatively. (For example, if you were called “silly” in the past as a way of saying you were stupid or irrelevant, your wife lovingly calling you silly making you angry.)
If you examine your life carefully, I bet you can find places where you’re doing some of these things. If you don’t see any, try to recall the words and phrases that hurt you in the past, and then look for things you may be doing as a reaction to those. In particular, look for places where words from the past are harming or limiting your marriage.
Great tweet of the week:
Turn off your phone during dinner. @GenerousWife
Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:
Featured Post – A must read article I saw this week:
Scott at Journey to Surrender posted What Matters Most in Your Marriage? ◄ You really should read and apply this!
For Better – or What?
Apologies Made Easy (Almost) ◄ A great article that covers a few things I did not mention in my post on apologies.
The Generous Wife
And Back Again ◄ “…it’s a good idea to hold traditions lightly”
Intimacy in Marriage
Slippery When Wet: Lubricant Review ◄ Got lube? Maybe you should get some.
In Sickness and In Health ◄ Learn to care for your sick spouse the way they want, not the way you want.
Safe at home
Make Thanksgiving A Lifestyle At Your House ◄ An important aspect of live most of us miss.
Grace Filled Marriage with Dr. Tim Kimmel ◄ Great interview with the author of a great book.