A couple of weeks ago I posted a survey entitled “Are you getting enough sex in your marriage?” You can see the results here, but I wanted to expound a bit on a couple of things.
Yes, half the men said they were having way less than they wanted, and another 29% were having less than they wanted. However, 34% of the women said they were having way less sex than they wanted, and another 21% said less than they wanted. That means 55% of the wives would like to have more sex.
I know this result doesn’t represent Christian woman as a whole, and if your wife would very much like to have less sex you may wonder why you should care other women want more. What the finding proves is women can want and enjoy sex. This should give you some hope.
There is something else found in the numbers that should give you even more hope. The 3o’s was a time of limited sex for many couples. See below the percentage of couples in each age range who were having sex three or more times a week:
- 35% of those age 20-29
- 24% of those age 30-39
- 30% of those age 40-49
- 46% of those age 50 & up
What’s more, those 50 and better were more likely to have sex six or more times a week than any other age group! It seems couples slowdown in their 30’s, pick back up some in their 40’s, and really get busy after 50!
That may sound very odd, but it actually makes sense. The 30’s are very busy time for most couples, with kids, a home, trying to build their career, and so on. Time and energy are short, which cuts into everything – including sex. At the same time, female sex drive usually goes up in the 30’s. This would explain why wanting way more sex peaked in the 30-39 age range in the survey. These women are having less and wanting more. At 40 life starts to get easier for most women (primarily due to the kids getting older) and sex drive continues to rise. With both the time and desire for more sex, frequency goes up. At 50 drive is no longer going up for most women, and may even be down a bit, but there’s a lot more freedom as the kids move out.
- If you’re in your 20’s, be aware there’s a very real chance your sex life is going to become less than it is now over the next decade or so. Do all you can to fight it, but understand it’s common.
- If you’re in your 30’s and deeply frustrated by your (lack of) sex life, you’re not alone. Know there’s a good chance it will start to get better over the next five to ten years. Just don’t make such a fuss about sex you make your wife mad and put her off sex altogether.
- If you’re in your 40’s and see no sign of sex getting better, it would be wise to start making a gentle push for change. In many ways, it’s the best time of her life for her to become more sexual, and you don’t want to let that sail by without trying to get on board.
By the way: The survey did not break down ages over 50, but one man who said he had sex daily mentioned in the comments he and his wife were in their 70’s! Sex can continue well into the silver years!