It’s easy to get our lives so cluttered with the past we don’t have time or room for making changes.
I’m big on looking at our past to see how it is affecting our present, but eventually, it’s time to move on.
In particular we need to move on from things we can’t fix. If, for example, you had an affair; nothing will ever make up for that. No amount of “good works” will balance the scale. You repent, you make changes, you make concessions, but it will never go away. If you and your wife can both move on you can build an awesome marriage. If either of you expects you to “fix it”, your marriage is in trouble.
I know a number of couples who have awesome marriages despite the fact one – or both – of them had an affair. Their marriages aren’t good because of the affair, but because of how they reacted to the crisis caused by the affair. Going on like before was no longer an option, and they chose to heal and grow. Other couples don’t survive an affair because one or both is unwilling to heal, move on, and grow.
An affair is a major example, but the same holds true for much smaller wrongs. What did you do last year that can’t be fixed? What have you done since the day you met her that can’t be fixed? Have you repented and made proper changes? Have you learned from the experience? If you’ve done those things, move forward. Do all you can to bless your wife not because of what you did in the past, but because you want to bless her and you want to make your marriage awesome.
When you upgrade software, you are often asked to delete the old version to make room for the new software. A marriage upgrade is much the same – you have to get rid of some of the old to ensure the new will work.
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