Settling Can Lead to Divorce

January 5, 2014

in Be a grownup, The "D" word

As I talk about being a better husband and making your wife happy, please do not hear me saying you should let things go to keep the peace. This is a sure way to hurt your marriage.

Research estimates a majority of divorces occur in “so-so” low-conflict marriages. There’s little or no fighting or arguing in these marriages, but also little or no love. The couple stays together for the kids, or because splitting up would be embarrassing, or too much effort.

A sure way to get into a so-so marriage is to avoid rocking the boat, downplay your needs and desires, and ignore wrongs committed against you – just going along to get along. Initially, a wife may be thrilled to get her own way, but there’s a problem. A woman can’t respect a man who does not stand up for himself, his needs, and his opinions. She may take advantage of it, but she won’t love a husband she doesn’t respect. 

More than once I have seen a wife take advantage of her husband’s desire to “get along”. She takes and takes, then when she can no longer stand the sight of him she leaves him, or leaves emotionally, or pushes him to leave.

So how do you give without losing respect? I think why we give is what matters. Jesus didn’t help others to be liked, or to get along; Jesus helped out of His love. He didn’t sacrifice to get something in return; He sacrificed out of love, with no expectation of anything in return.

Jesus also stood up for what was right, even when He knew it would anger people. There are things that matter and you need to hold the line on such issues. Allowing your wife to treat you badly is not love. You can’t change how she treats you, but you can let her know it’s wrong. You can also choose to walk away if she continues. 

There’s no easy, sure way to draw this line. I think examining your motivation is the best way to go.

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Great tweet of the week:

If it’s important to your spouse, it should be important to you, too. @ForBetterOrWhat

NOTE – I have an intestinal bug that is kicking me good. I can only do short bits of work, and I have to read many sentences more than once to get what they are saying. This has limited how many links I have below.

The Generous Wife

Unique You, Unique Goals ◄ The poison of comparisons.
Get Specific ◄ Vague goals don’t give good results.


Genuine Husband

My New Year’s Resolution. (It’s a doozy) ◄ This would be a great resolution for every parent.


Intimacy in Marriage

Be His Porn Star? Here’s the Problem ◄ A good look into a woman’s mind here.


refine us

The One Thing Failure Can’t Do ◄ Failure is not who you are.


Stupendous Marriage

Paul and Lori Byerly from The Marriage Bed ◄ Stu replays an interview we did with him a couple years ago.


…to Love Honor and Vacuum

9 Tips for Great Sex For Her: Making it Feel Wonderful for Her ◄ This was written for women, but you will learn some important things by reading it.

2 comments
DavidWCarr
DavidWCarr

For sure.  You statement  that "Jesus helped out of His love. He did not sacrifice to get something in return; He sacrificed out of love, with no expectation of anything in return." really rang true to me.  If we love that way then I believe we are on the right track as husbands.  It is hard to die to self, but that is what it means to be Christlike.  We are called to serve our wives in this way.

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