My parents didn’t have a bad marriage. It was better than most, maybe much better. However, I doubt it was good, and I know it wasn’t great.
I think we grade marriage on the curve – if my marriage is no worse than most I have a good marriage, and if it’s better than most then I have a great marriage.
I had a physics test in college where the scores were so low getting 32% correct resulted in an “A”. Thing is that “A” didn’t mean you had mastered the material; it just meant you didn’t do as poorly as most of the students.
Do you want a marriage that gets an “A” graded on the curve, or do you want a marriage that’s really good? Do you want “passing” or great?
All well and good, but what does a great marriage look like? Have you ever seen one?
When Lori and I married, I was convinced it was possible to have a much better marriage than any I had ever seen. Why did I believe that, and believe it so strongly? I blame God.
It took more time and a lot more work than I expected, but with His help, we have reached the point where we are “blowing the curve”. I don’t say that to brag. I say it to tell you that you and your spouse can have a great marriage if you’re willing to do the work.
A great marriage is a custom fit type of thing, so I can’t tell you exactly what it will look like for you. However, I can give you some common components of a great marriage.
- You enjoy each other and want to be with each other more than anyone else.
- You trust each other deeply and fully.
- You want to bless each other. Not to get something in return, but because you have a need to do it.
- You offer each other a huge amount of grace.
- You have an active, mutually enjoyed sex life.
- You have no fear of what your spouse will say to you or about you.
Lori and I have a great marriage today because I believed we could have a great marriage. I’ am not downplaying the hard work and what God did for us, but without that belief, I don’t think it could have happened.
Can you believe? Can you strive for a goal you can’t fully see? Can you keep at it because you know it is possible? If not, ask God to help you with that, because you have to believe!