What “Great Marriage” Means

January 6, 2014

in 2014 Marriage Upgrade, Hope

My parents didn’t have a bad marriage. It was better than most, maybe much better. However, I doubt it was good, and I know it wasn’t great.

I think we grade marriage on the curve – if my marriage is no worse than most I have a good marriage, and if it’s better than most then I have a great marriage.

I had a physics test in college where the scores were so low getting 32% correct resulted in an “A”. Thing is that “A” didn’t mean you had mastered the material; it just meant you didn’t do as poorly as most of the students.

Do you want a marriage that gets an “A” graded on the curve, or do you want a marriage that’s really good? Do you want “passing” or great?

All well and good, but what does a great marriage look like? Have you ever seen one?

Believe  © thepathtraveler | freedigitalphotos.net

When Lori and I married, I was convinced it was possible to have a much better marriage than any I had ever seen. Why did I believe that, and believe it so strongly? I blame God.

It took more time and a lot more work than I expected, but with His help, we have reached the point where we are “blowing the curve”. I don’t say that to brag. I say it to tell you that you and your spouse can have a great marriage if you’re willing to do the work.

A great marriage is a custom fit type of thing, so I can’t tell you exactly what it will look like for you. However, I can give you some common components of a great marriage.

  • You enjoy each other and want to be with each other more than anyone else.
  • You trust each other deeply and fully.
  • You want to bless each other. Not to get something in return, but because you have a need to do it.
  • You offer each other a huge amount of grace.
  • You have an active, mutually enjoyed sex life.
  • You have no fear of what your spouse will say to you or about you.

Lori and I have a great marriage today because I believed we could have a great marriage. I’ am not downplaying the hard work and what God did for us, but without that belief, I don’t think it could have happened.

Can you believe? Can you strive for a goal you can’t fully see? Can you keep at it because you know it is possible? If not, ask God to help you with that, because you have to believe!

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4 comments
Eleutheros
Eleutheros

The word that came into my mind when you wrote your six points was: 'Friendship'. You and Lori sound like you are good friends to each other. I'll even bet that when you do have an issue of importance between you- when you 'argue'- it is done in a considerate manner with the goal being to understand each other . I'll also bet that you two have a humorous way of ending a stalemate.

This kind of love is a matter of the heart- you cherish each other in your hearts and so it is easy to be graceful and forgiving and above all to trust the other because you know that their intentions toward you are honorable and considerate, always.

This is a great marriage because your hearts are good. And that is a fact because that is what the Spirit of Jesus in you,-in any of us- is all about; making you into a good human being.

TheGenerousHusband
TheGenerousHusband moderator

@Eleutheros Friendship yes, but not for point 5!


We have learned to mostly argue kindly, but it took time and work!

Eleutheros
Eleutheros

*Laugh* I would say that point five is possible because the other points are true!

I would also add, from my expereinces, that any work needed in my marriage is usually uncomplicated and always satisfying because my heart is freed to cherish my wife. It was the emancipation of my heart that proved the difficult thing to do. That came through my God.

CrackingTheRomanceCode
CrackingTheRomanceCode

Paul,


Creating a great marriage is similar to walking UP a DOWN escalator. If you persist, you will get to your goal. If you stop, you go back down again. It is only an analogy but it illustrates the life principals. Keep working to make your marriage better.


As I have often mention on my blog, my heritage was poor.  Dad and mom divorced when I was thirteen and he remarried six more times and mom three.  We have been married 39 years (40 in April!) and it has been a continual learning experience.  You can grow a different marriage than your parents had. 


My role models came from the church after I became a Christian. 


A great marriage comes from what you posted above with lots of kind gestures expressed for the sole purpose of making your spouse's day a bit better. 


Thank you for your emphasis on great marriages!  The Best Is Yet To Be!!!!!!


--  Jerry 

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