There’s a long-standing argument about if and how viewing sexual images affects a man’s sexuality. There are those who claim what we look at has no impact on what we think and want sexually. This has always seemed silly to me, given how obvious it is we are affected to some degree by everything we see.
The article The Sexual Objectification Spillover Effect links to a number of studies about this issue. The clear conclusion is seeing any sexualized image of any woman causes men to view all women as less intelligent and less moral.
What do you think looking at porn does for how we see women? Does the “spillover effect” apply for porn? Of course, it does. Porn causes us to see women as things for our pleasure rather than people. If you’ve spent hundreds of hours looking at porn you’ve horribly distorted your image of women and sex. Please don’t think you’re somehow immune to this, you are not. Please don’t think stopping porn use will magically fix things, it will not. Your thinking about sex and women has been changed; fixing it will take time and effort (and hopefully plenty of prayer).
If you’re using or have used porn, your wife is in a sexual relationship with a man who doesn’t have a normal sexuality. You’re messed up, which makes sex difficult and not nearly as good as it should be. If you deny this truth you will continue making a mess of your sex life. If you accept what you’ve done, you have a chance to deal with it.
If you’ve used porn much at all I suggest you tell your wife you realise you’ve made a mess of your sexuality. Ask her to forgive you for that, and for all the pain and struggle this has injected into your sex life. Commit to learning to see women and sex as God intended.