I Didn’t Finish My Meal!!

January 15, 2014

in Change, Seeing Clearly

Lori and I ate lunch out today, and I am very excited to say I did not finish my whole meal.

Why is that exciting? Because I had it drilled into me as a kid that you ate every last bit of food on your plate. (Yes, starving children were mentioned, and yes, I got in trouble for suggesting we mail the rest of my meal to said children.) I understand that my mom grew up during The Great Depression, but why is it sane to teach children to keep eating when they are no longer hungry?

 Clean Your Plate! © Jetrel | Dreamstime.com

Still, I learned that lesson, and I have not left food on my plate in decades. Why was today different? I am very serious about losing a lot of weight this year, and eating more calories when I was comfortably full did not seem like a good plan. Even so, it was a struggle to put down my fork and push the plate away.

What does this have to do with marriage?

I was taught something wrong as a child, and I kept doing it for more than three decades. What we learn as children can be that way – so automatic we do not even consider doing it any other way. If someone suggests we do it a different way, we reject their idea as wrong or bad. If we try to do it another way we find it difficult.

What in your life has been so set in your mind that you do it without thinking? Are any of those things a bit less absolute and correct as you were taught? Are any of those hurting or limiting your marriage?

What about her?

Of course, your wife may have the same kind of thing going on. I think some sexual issues are directly or indirectly a result of this kind of wrong childhood learning.

Dealing with such issues is exceptionally difficult because you are asking her to change something she has seen as foundational. Just telling her she is wrong is only going to reinforce her thinking. The way to see change is to find reasons for her to reconsider her thinking. I was pushed to rethink because I really want to lose weight. What could cause your wife to rethink things she sees as fundamental?

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3 comments
CrackingTheRomanceCode
CrackingTheRomanceCode

Paul,


Many of us have grown up with the issues you mention here. In my upcoming book, I have written an entire chapter about the bad syndrome of what you say, "I was taught something wrong as a child" as I saw many bad habits from my parents about marriage. They were not bad people, just bad role models.


After many years of addressing these negative issues to be cast out of our marriage, we can now heartily show that our family heritage does not need to be our future legacy.


Thanks again for a good reminder about marriage and a "hint" as to how to shed some weight in the process. Hope we continue to see less & less of you this year!  You can do it!


----- Jerry 

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Best of luck on your weight loss journey! I lost 50 lbs last year counting calories with LoseIt. I am working on getting myself to exercise this year to keep the progress going. I was also a "clean your plate" kid, I can definitely relate to this struggle!

TheGenerousHusband
TheGenerousHusband moderator

@CrackingTheRomanceCode  "we can now heartily show that our family heritage does not need to be our future legacy."


Very true, but also a lot of work! Thanks for showing it is possible. 

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