Do You Remember How You Felt?

February 3, 2014

in 2014 Marriage Upgrade, YOU4HER

It’s a wonderful and motivating thing to watch a couple deeply in love get married. My son broke into a smile when his bride appeared at the back of the church and was visibly happy the rest of the afternoon. They touched constantly and often whispered to each other. They didn’t ignore their guests, but the guests were very much second on their minds.

Do you remember when you were that way with your bride? Your heart jumped at the sight or thought of her, and it ached when you separated.

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Some say it wouldn’t be healthy to live that way all the time. Maybe that’s true, but maybe it’s a truth exaggerated by those who secretly feel bad they’re no longer so madly in love.

If a couple does it right their love gets stronger over the years, but maybe it would be good if we kept a bit more of the excitement and longing to be together. Do we fall into a culturally accepted version of married love? Do we learn to downplay it so others don’t feel uncomfortable? Is the discomfort about someone acting unacceptably, or is it about feeling bad because we no longer love that way?

In many ways, I’ve not bowed to this pressure, but in some ways, I have. I’ve not gotten into the box, but I don’t stray very far from the box. It’s time for me to give that some serious thought. I think I would like to be known as that guy who loves his wife “too much” or “too openly” or something like that. I think it would be a help and a blessing to other marriages, and I know it would bless my bride.

I realise this is easier for me than for most – I get a bit of a pass because I am involved in marriage ministry. For the same reason, my doing it has less of an impact than when those who do not have a reason or excuse do the same. How about rattling some cages by being more openly loving with your spouse?

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Paul, thank you for the post.  I too must challenge myself and be more openly loving towards my wife.  When we are intimate in front of the kids they giggle and may say "gross" but there is a smile on their face when they say it.  We try to teach that being intimate with your spouse is a great thing.  I know it made me feel good when my parents flirted or were intimate openly in front of me and my siblings.

On the unfortunate side of things, my wife and I have taken some grief for how close we have been both from inside the family and outside the family.  It is difficult to change other people's minds, especially if they have been raised a certain way.  Keep up the good work and let's all show a little more affection toward our sweethearts!


Amen Paul & Stringbean We've been married for nearly 23 years. I tell everyone I love my wife more with each passing day. I also cringe when men say they love their wife the same as the day they got married. They have missed it. They've not really learned that loves either grows or dies. It is never static.


Thank you Paul for this posting .  I have heard all my life that you shouldn't be too close.  I remember a leader of  our church saying shortly after we were married that it will be over in a few weeks.  Well 

I thank God that 27 1/2 year later our love grows deeper every day.  Realizing even stating this 

Satan will try to attack us.  But I praise God that the longer we live together the deeper that TOTAL

love is growing!!


Who cares what others think? I live by an adage, "What other people think of me is none of my business." The only ones that matter are my wife, my kids and the Lord. If I want to dance in a store I dance. If I want to plant one on my wife in public I will (even though she does tend to look around nervously). I freely share when the opportunity arrives how much I Iove my wife. It's amazing what a witness it is. Women love it, and, sadly, many men cringe.

TheGenerousHusband moderator

@stringbean  I think comments like that of your pastor a sour grapes - a misery loves company kind of thing.

TheGenerousHusband moderator

@UBAwesome  Good for you!

I am generally do not care what others think of me, but I have at times stopped myself out of concern that I might offend someone. I am starting to understand that some offence is a good thing. Jesus offended the religious leaders all the time, exposing their hypocrisy and error. Doing the same thing by loving my bride openly and without reserve seems like a good plan.

We did once have a couple come to us and tell us we were too close. We needed more time apart from each other to be healthy. Sadly but not surprisingly that couple divorced less than two years later.

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