What’s Influence Your Thinking?

February 6, 2014

in Change, Marriage Killer

I’m going to assume all the men here have experienced “thinking with the wrong head” and the problems that usually causes. Thinking with our sex drive is just one way we mess up our ability to think rational thoughts.

Thoughts © Salvatore Vuono | freedigitalphotos.net

How often is your thinking influenced by:

  • Pride
  • Anger
  • Jealousy
  • Fear
  • Competitiveness

How much better for our thinking to be influenced by:

  • Grace
  • Mercy
  • Love
  • Self-sacrifice
  • What is best for others

I’d like to tell you I’m mostly influenced by the second list, but that would be less than honest. My desire is to only be influenced by the second list, but I’m not there yet.

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What to do to be influenced by the second list?

Trying But Not Convinced
Trying But Not Convinced

I, too, just said a prayer for @duckindesert. That is a tough place to be. @TheGenerousHusband, I would love if you would address this wrong head topic in XY Code. I have many, many days where my husband is thinking by the first list. I try to be supportive, although I sure I am not always. But frankly, when he is thinking with that first list, I really just want to be someplace else and I feel very distant from him. If I try to say something, I get snapped at or he turns on football. That first list thinking has also led to a lot of very selfish behavior that he doesn't even realize is selfish, because he cannot see himself or his actions objectively when he is thinking by the first list - which is completely understandable, but leaves me really feeling helpless and trapped. And, to the extent I do not feel close then it makes me far from interested in sex, which can really throw fuel on that wrong head fire! The Bible talks about confronting people in their sin. In my house, that does not go over well. So, if you have some pointers for us ladies about how to deal with our husbands when they are in the wrong head, I would appreciate it!


Right now I'm influenced by fear. Fear that no matter what shes going to divorce me anyways. That she hates me no matter what I do, even if its right or wrong. My right will be wrong no matter what. That's the way its always been. I'm burning out, and am thinking divorce myself for the first time in 13 years. Though she's been saying it for 13 years.


TheGenerousHusband moderator

@Trying But Not Convinced  I will make a note on this in my XY Code drafts. 

As for @duckindesert I don't know if his perception of his wife is wrong or mostly correct. I've seen men and women who are like that, and it does leave their spouse with no good options.

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