Choose to be Empowered

February 10, 2014

in Change, Seeing Clearly

A hard fact of life: You can’t change your spouse.
An empowering fact of life: You can change yourself.

Empowered Button © Stuart Miles | freedigitalphotos.net

If you decide all your marriage problems are your wife’s fault, you are powerless to bring about a change in your marriage. You have given her all the power and you are at her mercy.

If you realise there are things you could/should change in your marriage, you have power to bring about change in your marriage.

I am amazed at how many men seem willing to put all the power into their wives hands and just wait for a miracle. I know these men would not agree with my perspective on what they are doing. Some would argue most of what needs to be changed is all about their wife. Others would say the changes they could make are minor and would not matter. Still others would admit there are things they could change, but they would then say most of the problems are on their wife, or the biggest problems are hers.

Frankly, I do not think very many men are that close to perfect! Yes, I have seen marriages where the problems are primarily hers, but it is the rare exception. Even when it is mostly hers, if he can make changes he should. Aside from being the right thing to do, it moves the marriage in the right direction. It is also a form of leadership. When you make changes to improve your marriage you are setting an example for her to follow. Do not tell me she will not follow your lead; you do not know that until you make a significant effort!

Empower yourself – deal with your stuff!

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7 comments
A Jardine
A Jardine

There is a circle in the bottom left corner of this box and it goes around and around but doesn't stop.  Didn't happen with the short posts.  Then I have to refresh the page to get the circle to stop.

sbmeans
sbmeans

Great wisdom here!  If only we could really get this into our heads and hearts!

UBAwesome
UBAwesome

I am aware enough to know that I am a work in progress and I am grateful to God for the gift of my wife, Nancy, who has a responsibility to help me be the best me I can be - as God intended. She knows she cannot change me (and I know I cannot change here). It has taken me years but now I ask for her feedback regularly. What she shares is out of love. I have to remind myself of that sometimes. I learned early on in our marriage I cannot make her change. Nancy has to want to. I am there to help when needed. I pray for her to change where she needs to change (of her own admission). I aks her where she needs help regularly. I also ask God to change her more into who she is to be (since I don't have the big picture). 


As you say, no one is perfect but we are here to help one another to be perfected into who God created us to be.

timothybaird
timothybaird

Gary Smalley has a  book called 'If He Only Knew..' it blew me away the first time I read it.  I have to keep going back to it and looking at the headings and remind myself that most of the problems in my marriage are my fault.  And the longer I look for answers the more I realize that it is true,  And that everything I try to blame her for, eventually comes back to me not doing something.  Even as simple as not understanding her when she tries to TELL me there is a problem, then 4-5 years later its snowballed to a gigantic problem and I am saying "well if this was happening why didn't u say something and the response is "I tried, or I did". 

TheGenerousHusband
TheGenerousHusband moderator

@UBAwesome  It is such a blessing when you can ask and receive honest feedback from your spouse, and especially wonderful when it goes both ways! Getting to that place can take some real work, but it is well worth it.

UBAwesome
UBAwesome

@TheGenerousHusband Not so sure about the both ways? My wife has few areas for which she needs constructive feedback. That said I affirm her all the time. :)

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