Marriage Destroyer: Immaturity

February 17, 2014

in Be a grownup, Grass-roots Movement, Marriage Killer, Must Read Marriage Book

The next few Mondays I am going to write on some common major causes of marriage problems. If you see yourself in any of these, I hope my words will spur you to action. If you see others in what I say, I hope you will pray and look for an opportunity to help. 

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Today, Immaturity. 

Immaturity comes in a number of forms. Some people are mature in some areas while being horribly immature in others. Some manage to act mature at work or church but are immature at home. Selfishness is a common sign of immaturity, but it can also be displayed as not being willing to listen to others, not being able to see outside of the box, a lack of empathy, impatience, or a lack of understanding and grace for other people’s weaknesses, inabilities, or struggles.

One of the difficulties with immaturity is those who are immature are blind to the fact. When we’re immature we see all our problems as being the fault of others. If they just thought and acted as we do, life would be good! Another difficulty is that going beyond immaturity means giving up selfishness, something no one wants to do. Becoming mature means taking on new levels of respectability and being more willing to sacrifice – more things we do not want to do.

How immature are you? Most of us have areas of immaturity. I keep finding areas of immaturity I didn’t see before; it seems to be a never-ending process.

For me, the book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: Unleash a Revolution in Your Life In Christ has been a huge help in growing up. Lori and I are a part of an amazing group of people who are slowly making our way through this book. We’re all seeing things about ourselves we had never before admitted to ourselves, and we’re starting to “confess” these things to one another. It’s a scary and amazing journey. If you want to know more, I wrote a review of this book last year.

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5 comments
Rosemary West / forbetterorwhat.com
Rosemary West / forbetterorwhat.com

Blaming others for one's problems is a major component of immaturity, and one that sometimes lasts a lifetime. I see it a lot in the comments people make on marriage blogs, in which they believe all their marriage problems would be solved if only their spouse would change. In the meantime, it's quite possible the spouse is thinking the same thing, and so they are deadlocked. When you are totally convinced that your spouse is wrong and you are right, it is very difficult, even painful, to be the mature one and make the first change. But that is exactly what it takes to break the deadlock.

UBAwesome
UBAwesome

That is a valid concern inside and outside the marriage. I believe it is a cause for "men" not committing to marriage. In cahoots with that immaturity is selfishness. Sadly, many today are more intent on what's in it for them in a marriage / relationship. If they don;t get it they get rid of the relationship.

TheGenerousHusband
TheGenerousHusband moderator

@UBAwesome  Yup, it is a widespread problem. And cut and run is a common response, for marriage, jobs, and other responsibilities. 

Some needs to coach men! ;-)

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