I heard in the comments recently from a fellow who has no idea what his wife wants. Apparently, she’s not telling him, even when he asks.
Maybe she doesn’t know. If a woman buys into what the world tells her she should want, she’s likely to become confused. The world is full of agendas that colour what people think others should want and do. It’s easy to fall into that and think you want those things. If they’re not what you really want, you’re chasing fulfilment by chasing things that will not fulfil you.
So what do women want? I’m going to suggest women want four basic things. Master these, and you’ll be well on your way to giving her what she really wants and needs.
- To be heard
- To be understood
- To be accepted
- To be respected
She wants you to hear what she has to say. Not just a short overview, the in-depth version. Not just once, but regularly from today onward.
This is the foundation for the rest. Get this right and you can add the others; fail at this one and the rest are out of your reach.
This should be the easiest of the four, but what you think you know will get in the way. If you want to hear her you must set aside what you think you’ve heard in the past. Listen for what you missed, or what you denied to yourself. Urge her to say more. Ask questions based on what she said. I don’t mean argumentative questions; I mean probing, open-ended questions.
Hearing her is not understanding, that comes next. Hearing is about listening, and listening in a way that shows her you really hear her. Set everything else aside and focus on her.
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