What Women Want (Part 4)

February 21, 2014

in Communication, Her Needs, Series

What do women want?  

  1. To be heard
  2. To be understood
  3. To be accepted
  4. To be respected

Being Respected:

Admittedly, acceptance and respect are similar. To me, respect is deeper. Respect says you have value, you matter, what you do is important.

Scrabble - RESPECT © Paul H. Byerly

Respect happens on two levels. The first level is based on how the other person affects us and what is important to us. The second level is what they do beyond us, how they affect society. Because we all want to matter, the second level of respect is also important. 

Some respect can be positional, based on who a person is. However, some respect only happens when it’s “earned”. You can’t respect how your wife helps others if she’s not helping others. Even if she desires to benefit others, she has to do it for you to respect her for it. You can help in this area by supporting her dreams and helping her reach beyond herself. 

What about …

There have been several good additions suggested to my list of what women want. My theory is the man who gets these four right is going to know what his wife wants, and is going to be motivated to give her those things if possible. When a woman feels heard, understood, accepted, and respected, she feels comfortable telling her husband her desires, dreams, fears and so on. She will be able to share her individual wants and need, and he will be able to understand and address those things.

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4 comments
Gaye
Gaye

This has been a helpful series.  It's something that could be shared easily with men who really don't know where to begin to address issues in their marriages.

tori7879
tori7879

My husband has struggled with these things for 10 years.  We both came into our marriage as abused children with horrible coping skills.  I have spent many years changing and he and I have believed the whole time that it was just me and my failing.  About 2 years ago, it became apparent that he was not meeting these needs.  I have been patiently learning boundaries so I could say "this is not my issue".  While I know that it will not be fixed over night, he is moving towards fixing the issues that prevent him from hearing me, understanding me, and believing that I have value.  Your blog helps me so much to put words to the feelings that I never learned how to voice.  Thank you so much.

TheGenerousHusband
TheGenerousHusband moderator

@Gaye  Thanks Gaye. I've had several positive comments from women, so I must have doen alright.

TheGenerousHusband
TheGenerousHusband moderator

@tori7879  Glad you figured out how to draw a line, and very glad he got the point and started to work on himself!

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