The Ugly Side of Choice

March 6, 2014

in 2014 Marriage Upgrade, Change, Words of Affirmation

I’m overweight (but I’m working on it!). Why am I overweight? Because I chose to be. I don’t mean I sat down and decided to be overweight. However, when I stopped working a job that had me burning up to 5,000 calories a day, I chose to keep eating the same.

I’m in debt (but working on that too!). Why? Because I chose to be. I chose to spend more than I was earning. 

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Choice is a powerful tool, which we can use for good or bad. Choice can make your life better or worse. It’s common to think/claim we’re victims of circumstances beyond our control, but this is rarely the case. Our choices frame our lives. Our refusal to choose also frames our lives. For example, what if I choose to put myself one “emergency” from financial disaster? When an “emergency” happens, I have no one but myself to blame for the resulting financial crisis. The emergency wasn’t my fault, but I chose to put myself in a position where something out of my control would wreak havoc. When I choose a plan that only works if everything goes just right, I’m asking for problems.

We do this in our marriages too. We choose to build our marriage on a weak foundation because we don’t want to take the time to fix it. We choose a lifestyle requiring so many work hours we don’t have enough time for a healthy relationship. We choose to spend so much time with our electronic devices we fail to interface with our spouse. We choose a life so busy we don’t have time for the sex we desire.

Your current marriage situation is the result of the choices you and your wife made in the past. That includes choices made before marriage. However, if past choices are still limiting you, it means you’ve not chosen to work past them. You’re not a victim of your marriage; your marriage is a victim of your choices. You may be a victim of your wife’s choices, but you still have choices. Have you chosen to go along with her bad choices? Have you chosen to remain silent when you should have spoken up? Have you chosen to accept something you should have rejected? Have you chosen to agree to keep the peace? Have you chosen to match her bad choices rather than being better?

If you want to change your life, you must own your choices. Admit where you made wrong choices, and change. Make the right choices, and stick to them.

Two years ago, I chose to stop adding debt and started paying off debt. We’ have made great progress. A couple of months ago I decided to stop eating too much and start losing weight. I’m down 24 pounds. I have to keep making those choices every day to keep making progress. It is not easy, and it’s certainly is not fun, but the results are worth the effort.

mini-upgradeMake the choice to build your marriage. In particular, choose to be more loving, give more grace, and speak words of encouragement.

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Before I would consider engagement or marriage, I warned my wife that I had a lifelong nightmare where I got married and then my wife got obese. My exact words included: "Having a wife who weighed more than me would be worse than suicide." That is based on Proverbs 23:2: "Pot a knife to your throat if you give in to appetite." This is the only sin compared relatively worse than suicide in the Bible.

Our bodies are the temple to the God of our religion, 1 Corinthians 6:19. How people respect their God and religion is upper-limited by how they respect their body.

All that said, my wife had to fail at her agreement for me to start researching a healthy diet seriously. It was at the right time, as I was starting to get allergies due to dietary sins, and a healthy probiotic and saturated fat based diet predictably cured those allergies. It further made me realize that at my prior 6"1', 180 lbs, I had been obese myself: the sin of slow suicide worse than slitting one's own throat. That sin was corrected and people noticed with compliments on the improvement. I've since been able to complete a marathon without specifically training for it despite permanent bone scarring in my knees from Osgood-Schlatter disease.


If you go back and look at your choices, the "why" created a lot of your decisions. When your "why" is big enough or motivated by someone else who has a lot of influence in your life - doctor, wife, Jesus!, we can alter our circumstances to accomplish any goal we set before our self.

You seemed to look at your debt and say "why" do I want to change this situation? To honor God? To help others? To not be controlled by those companies! When you reached that level of frustration, you had your target in front of you.  Apply it to your weight and any other goal to be reached and your motivation is set.

When you write it down and declare your goals to another person ( or as you have done to those people in your audience) and you have the fuel to remain steadfast in your work. Most folks will only reveal their goals to a few carefully chosen friends. You have shown real courage to declare your goals to anyone who reads your information. What a trend setter!

Congratulations on setting these awesome targets for yourself. You are a good role model for men to watch and imitate in their life.

By the way, becoming debt free after being over $65,000 down is a wonderful feeling. It is liberating. Now if I can only get these extra 30 pounds off!  My "why" is my family and my health.  Thanks for the challenge!

----- Jerry


We are exactly where we are meant to be. I know I need to make better choices every day to get where I desire to go. We may not be where we planned to be. We are where we are because of those choices. To change where you are you to somewhere better, must make better choices.

TheGenerousHusband moderator

@CrackingTheRomanceCode  I've written about they why several times - why is so critical.

Publicly sharing things certainly does help!

Congrats on getting out of debt. We started with a bit less than you, and we are approaching the half way point. 

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