Recently in the comments, there’s been some discussion (to put it kindly) about what headship should look like. Some have kicked around the manosphere terms Alpha and Beta.
A couple of definitions:
Alpha Man: A “man’s man”. Powerful, dominant, confident, good looking, doesn’t show much emotion. Supposedly the kind of man every woman wants to have sex with RIGHT.NOW.AND.RIGHT.HERE.
Beta Man: Nice, kind, a good listener, shows emotions, great with kids. Supposedly the kind of man every woman wants to help her raise her children. (Ideally children she had by an Alpha according to many.)
If your goal in life is to have sex with as many women as possible, the manosphere suggests you be 100% Alpha. If you seek marriage, the manosphere suggests a mix of Alpha and Beta. Enough Alpha to get plenty of sex, enough Beta to make her feel safe and comfortable. This means male traits are either Alpha or Beta, and the perfect husband mixes some of each.
Personally, I think a better way to become the perfect husband is to look at Jesus. Are we not told to emulate Jesus in how we treat our wives?
When I think of Jesus, I find it hard to see Him as either an Alpha or Beta – or a mix of both. Jesus was gentle – “He will not quarrel or cry aloud, nor will anyone hear his voice in the streets; a bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not quench…” [Mt 12:19&20a ESV]. Jesus was harsh with religious leaders who were leading people astray, but He was kind and gentle with others. The disciples said and did all manner of clueless things, but Jesus’ rebukes were few and gentle. Jesus is not the hard Alpha leader the manosphere tells me I must be to be a godly husband.
However, Jesus was in no way wimpy. He spoke truth unapologetically, and He called people on their sins: “…go, and sin no more.” [Jn 8:1 KJV], “One thing you still lack.” [Lk 18:22 ESV], “I have this against you…” [Rev 2:4&22 ESV]. Jesus is no let-things-slide-to-keep-the-peace Beta.
Some try to make parts of Jesus behaviour Alpha or Beta, but honestly, you have to stretch to make these points. Jesus is not a careful balance of Alpha and Beta; Jesus is something else. Jesus is also our example. I suggest we ditch the whole Alpha/Beta concept and search the Bible to learn how to be a proper husband.
Great tweet of the week:
Is what you are considering fair to your wife and family? @drrichardnorris
Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:
How Boring is Your Marriage? ◄ Why and how you should deal with a boring marriage.
Black and Married with Kids
6 Tips to Divorce Proof Your Marriage ◄ Be proactive about your marriage.
The Generous Wife
Journey to Surrender
What If… ◄ Some good “what if”s” to ponder.
Leading Men Only
Marriage Is Meant To Be Addictive Not Disposable ◄ Are you hooked?
Your Discouragement Is Not The End Of The World; It Could Be The Start ◄ Is your experience not meeting your expectations?
One Flesh Marriage
Celebrating the Spiritual Side Of Sex ◄ A guest post by Shannon Ethridge on how to know if what you are doing sexually is okay.
Celebrating the Mental Side of Sex ◄ A guest post by Shannon Ethridge – Why do humans think about sex so much?
We Need a Break From the Four Kids ◄ Some good third alternative thinking here.