Change is Hard and Slow

March 11, 2014

in 2014 Marriage Upgrade, Change, Encouragement

Let’s be honest, change is rarely fast or easy. I mentioned I am losing weight. Still going down, but it is soooo slow! And saying no to all the food I love? That’s hard!

Changing your marriage is no different. It takes hard work, and it requires not falling back into old habits. Even when you do what you should, it takes time for your wife to see the change.

Marriage Upgrade 2014 © Stuart Miles | freedigitalphotos.net

If you have been part of the 2014 Marriage Upgrade you may be starting to get discouraged. After more than two months, you may wonder what you have to show for your efforts. Maybe you have not done as well as you would like. Maybe you feel you have done well, but your wife seems blind to it. Are you starting to think the whole thing is a waste of your time? Do you feel it is more effort than it is worth?

PLEASE hang in there! You are still fighting your own habits, but you are getting close to beating some of them for good. Do not give up just before the victory! Your wife is still thinking your changes are too good to be true. She knows anyone can fake changes for a while. Maybe you have made a big show of changes in the past, but failed to keep with it for the long haul. You are getting close to the point where your changes can no longer be ignored. As you approach three months it will become increasingly obvious something has changed.

It may look bleak now, but it will get better. Keep going!

mini-upgradeIf you are filling out the upgrade checkpoint surveys, it is time to do another.

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4 comments
hiswifeagain
hiswifeagain

If you're making the changes to get your wife to change, it will be hard to persevere when things are hard. If you're changing because you believe it's what God calls you to do as a husband it's more likely to produce lasting change. Then you're not looking for any reward other than the one that's already been promised to you as a follower of Christ.

This applies equally to women. ;)

UBAwesome
UBAwesome

As Jim Rohn said, "When the why is strong the how is easy." When you know why you do something and how you'll do it you are more than half way there to seeing the change, the result.

TheGenerousHusband
TheGenerousHusband moderator

@hiswifeagain  I agree motivation is a major concern, and does affect our ability to keep going. I see precipitating her change as a bonus, not the reason to change yourself.

That said, the issue here is not her changing, but her seeing the changes in him. It is very discouraging to feel you are making good changes and not have your spouse see them. 

UBAwesome
UBAwesome

@hiswifeagain Indeed. If you want others to change you must start with changing yourself. I've learned when I want my wife to change I cannot change her only God can. Often when I begin to change so does my perspective. And often it negates my original perception that my wife needed to change. It was me!

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