I think we all have a desire to be fully known and fully accepted by at least one person. We also have a fear of being rejected for who we are. This creates tension in all our relationships, and especially in our marriage.
It can feel like we’re rolling the dice each time we reveal another part of ourselves. Is this too weird? Will she misinterpret what I’m saying? If she doesn’t like what I show her, what will it cost me?
I wish I could tell you the risk is all in your head, but it may not be. Still, I advise you to push forward, with appropriate caution. The better you and your wife know each other, the better your marriage will be. You’ll feel closer and enjoy being together more. Additionally, other people will be less of a temptation.
A few thoughts on how to proceed:
- If you feel the need to reveal yourself one layer at a time, avoid lying or giving the wrong impression – it will cause problems later.
- Encouraging her to share all of herself – but only if you have the ability to react with love and grace.
- Accepting what she shares about herself in a loving way will encourage her to do the same with you.
- I’m not suggesting you should ignore sin. If something is sin from the past, don’t treat is as if it is current. If it’s current sin, speak the truth with love and grace.
- Be aware of her injuries and weak places. Don’t share anything that might cause her to stumble. There may be things that will be difficult for her no matter when or how you share them – pray about how to discuss those.
- Sexuality may be a particularly difficult area. Work on other areas first, building a solid foundation.
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