Who or what do you blame when things go wrong? The other day my bride was having a problem with a computer program not doing what she wanted. Watching how she reacted, I realised a difference between the two of us. When something like that happens her default is to blame herself, whereas I would blame the program. Neither of these is a particularly good or helpful reaction. Both reactions are rooted in our childhood experiences.
Who or what do you blame when things go wrong? What is your default excuse or scapegoat? Can you see how your default is a result of early experiences?
Blame seems to come naturally to humans. – just look at Adam and Eve! Blame can make us feel better if we blame others, or make us feel worse if we put the blame on ourselves. What blame fails to do is fix anything. When you blame others, you’re saying you don’t have the responsibility or power to fix a problem. When you blame yourself, you’re saying you are unable to fix it.
Applying blame to marriage problems is anything but helpful. Blame causes hard feelings, which get in the way of dealing with problems.
Be on the lookout for blame, and learn to see it for the danger it is.
If you’re using blame, stop. Figure out why you resort to blaming and work on the roots.
If your wife is using blame, including blaming herself, look for loving ways to help her change. Try to figure out why she blames, and look for ways to deal with those things. Also, look for ways to discuss problems that will not trigger her blame reaction.