A Different Kind of Sex Challenge

March 22, 2014

in Communication, Quality Time, Seeing Clearly, Sex Positive, Sexuality, XY link

Various marriage bloggers have done sex challenges asking couples to try having sex every day for a week, ten days, or even a month. This is all well and good, but wives tend to balk at these because it seems like too much. Even if she’s willing, fitting it into your lives can be difficult. So here’s a sex challenge that doesn’t require you to have sex every single day.

Sex Challenge © Otnaydur | dreamstime.com

Agree to a sexual frequency greater than what you currently have. Make it enough of an increase to be a stretch, but not enough to feel undoable. If you’re at once a week, two or three times a week would be the most I would suggest. If you’re at once a month, going for once a week would be a huge change. If you set the goal too high there’s a good chance she will back out. If your frequency is very low, think of this as the first of several sex challenges. 

If your wife often says no to sex, you may wonder why she would agree to this. This is not just about doing the deed more often. The goal is to have more and better sex. Better means she’s enjoying it as much (or more) than you. The key to this is not what you do in bed! Women generally need to feel connected to want and enjoy sex. If the marriage relationship is weak she will have little interest in sex. For women, great sex must be built on the foundation of a great marriage. She needs you to spend time with her, talk with her, and snuggle without you expecting sex. If you learn to give her what she needs to feel connected, she will become more open to sex. Make learning and meeting her needs a central part of the sex challenge and she might try it.

There are things you and your wife will need to discuss and agree on for this to work.

  1. How do you define “sex”? Must it include intercourse? Can one of you choose not to climax on some occasions?
  2. What’s necessary for her to want and enjoy sex? 
  3. What will you cut out of your schedules to make room for all this? The time needed for more sex is small; the time needed to build a relational foundation for more sex is far greater.

I wrote about this sex challenge on The XY Code yesterday. That post would be a good way to introduce this idea to your wife.

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