We know most of the women who take our surveys are serious about following the Lord. We also know they/re far more sex-positive than Christian women as a group. As such, I think they represent what we should see in a solid Christian marriage. In these two surveys, these women give us a good picture of what is possible for wives who love Lord and want to enjoy sex.
Intercourse Alone May Not Be Enough
A third of the women have never had an orgasm during intercourse without some added stimulation, and another 29% have only managed it a few times. Only 18% of women climax from intercourse alone at least 60% of the time. I suspect more could if both husband and wife were willing to work at it, but some will never manage it and most will never do it often. The bottom line here is most women can’t reliably climax from intercourse alone.
Add Something Clitoral
Adding clitoral stimulation (her hand, your hand, or a vibrator) to intercourse improves things a great deal. Only 11% of women have never climaxed this way, and that includes some who have never tried. With added stimulation, 51% of women say they orgasm at least 60% of the time they have intercourse.
The addition of an egg vibrator between your bodies during intercourse could be a game changer for her. If you man the speed control you can make it even better for her by letting her get close then slowing down. Tease her a few times, then blast her into orbit.
Over and Over Again?
It seems most men really want their wife to have multiple orgasms. I get that – we men tend to be one and done and the idea of multiple orgasms captures our sexual imagination. Based on everything I’ve read, including our survey, this is an individual preference issue for women. In theory, any woman who has learned to climax should be able to have more than one. In practice, some women find it easy and some find it difficult. Even more critical, some want multiples, and some do not.
One woman commented, “I feel totally and completely fulfilled after one — and at that point not interested at all in pursuing another.” Another said, “I have never had less than 2 orgasms in our entire marriage.” Some women say going for another takes away from sex, while others would feel cheated with only one. Figure out what she wants, and give it to her. Be willing to work for more if she wants to, but don’t push her. You can easily make her feel inadequate for “only having one”, which doesn’t help either of you.
She Is Unique
Female sexuality is not one-size-fits-all. Among men the range of orgasmic experience is small, for women, it’s deep and wide. Some of this is the result of her brain (thoughts and emotions), and some is because of her sexual biology. Some of it can be changed, some can be nudged, and some isn’t going to budge. Learn to appreciate and enjoy her sexuality as it is while being willing to explore more. If you push her to go further without convincing her she’s fine as is you’re both going to end up frustrated.
On a Side Note
A post I did two years ago looked at evidence saying the duration of intercourse is more important than the amount of foreplay. I think it’s worth discussing this with your wife.