Her Orgasm(s)

June 14, 2014

in Sex Positive, Sexuality, Survey Says ...

This post comes from a couple of recent surveys we did – Female Orgasm During Intercourse and Multiple Orgasms. There were not any big surprises in the results, but they do support what follows.

The Big "O" © Paul H. Byerly

We know most of the women who take our surveys are serious about following the Lord. We also know they are far more sex positive than Christian women as a group. As such, I think they represent what we should see in a good solid Christian marriage. In these two surveys, these women give us a good picture at what is possible for wives who love Lord and want to enjoy sex.

Intercourse Alone May Not Be Enough

A third of the women have never had an orgasm during intercourse without some added stimulation, and another 29% have only managed it a few times. Only 18% of women climax from intercourse alone at least 60% of the time. I suspect more could if both husband and wife were willing to work at it, but some will never manage it, and most will never do it often. The bottom line here is most women cannot reliably climax from intercourse alone.

Add Something Clitoral

Adding clitoral stimulation (her hand, your hand, or a vibrator) to intercourse improves things a great deal. Only 11% of women have never climaxed this way, and that includes some who have never tried. With added stimulation, 51% of women say they orgasm at least 60% of the time they have intercourse.

The addition of an egg vibrator between your bodies during intercourse could be a game changer for her. If you man the speed control, you can make it even better for her by letting her get close then slowing down. Tease her a few times, then blast her into orbit.

Over and Over Again?

It seems most men really want their wife to have multiple orgasms. I get that – we men tend to be one and done, and the idea of multiple orgasms captures our sexual imagination. Based on everything I have read, including our survey, this is an individual preference issue for women. In theory, any woman who has learned to climax should be able to have more than one. In practice, some women find it easy and some find it difficult. Even more critical, some want multiples, and some do not.

One woman commented, “I feel totally and completely fulfilled after one — and at that point not interested at all in pursuing another.” Another said, “I have never had less than 2 orgasms in our entire marriage.” Some women say going for another takes away from sex, while others would feel cheated with only one. Figure out what she wants, and give it to her. Be willing to work for more if she wants to, but do not push her. You can easily make her feel inadequate for “only having one”, which does not help either of you.

She Is Unique

Female sexuality is not one-size-fits-all. Among men, the range of orgasmic experience is small, for women it is deep and wide. Some of this is the result of her brain (thoughts and emotions), and some is because of her sexual biology. Some of it can be changed, some can be nudged, and some is not going to budge. Learn to appreciate and enjoy her sexuality as it is, while being willing to explore more. If you push her to go further without convincing her she is fine as is you are both going to end up frustrated.

On a Side Note

A post I did two years ago looked at evidence saying duration of intercourse is more important than amount of foreplay. I think it is worth discussing this with your wife.

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5 comments
amy65
amy65

Great article!  A couple things I would add as a sex positive wife, ;), you mention if a couple uses a bullet or egg shaped vibrator during intercourse that hubby can be in control of the speed.  I would caution that if the wife is getting close and suddenly the speed is turned down to 'tease' her, it could actually cause her to lose the orgasm all together or to make it harder to get to the peak again.  I know for me if I'm there and suddenly whatever stimulation we're using stops or changes intensity suddenly, I can lose the sensation of it and either not be able to orgasm or have a hard time getting there again.

Also, I would say to women that struggle with achieving orgasm you need to be proactive if it's something you want to have.  Hopefully you have a husband who is willing to help you get there and take any amount of time needed, but even so if you need to step in and lend your own hand and/or show him just how to send you over the edge then by all means do so!  He will love you taking control and either watching or helping out. 

Just a few of my thoughts! :)

Roomtogrow
Roomtogrow


I'd like to know what sources or information you are using to support the statement that "most of the women who take our surveys...are far more sex positive than Christian women as a group." 


TheGenerousHusband
TheGenerousHusband moderator

@amy65 Good notes - it is certainly important to know one's wife. Some women enjoy being teased, some do not. Even if she does, he has to know how to do it. Generally the best bet is to slow things down gradually and before she is too close. 

The other side of it is knowing when and how much to turn the vibe up to push her over the edge. Again it can leave he with less, but done right is can be awesome for her.

Like most things sexual, it is all about trial and error.

TheGenerousHusband
TheGenerousHusband moderator

@Roomtogrow Good question. We see this by comparing the answers we get with those from other surveys of Christians. 

For example, if you look at http://www.todayschristianwoman.com/articles/2008/september/best-sex-survey-ever.html and http://site.themarriagebed.com/surveys/sex-how-often, you find in their survey 38% of the women had sex more than once a week, while in our study 55% said more than once a week.

Granted "sex positive' is how I define what I see in the results.

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