Marriage Destroyer: Needing Her Approval

June 16, 2014

in Headship/Submission, Marriage Killer, YOU4HER

I have a confession. When I first married my wife, her approval was far too important to me.

Of course, what our wife thinks should matter to us, but we can easily go beyond what’s proper or wise. If her lack of approval makes me feel horrible, I may be tempted to do things I shouldn’t, or not do things I should. I can honestly say I fought against that, but I’m sure I didn’t avoid it as well as I want to think. I got my self-worth wrapped up in what she thought and said, and that’s not a good place to be.

Woman leading man © Zebrik |

John Eldredge talks about taking our problem to the woman. Rather than turning to God, we turn to our wife. Instead of seeking the counsel of godly men, we ask the woman with whom we sleep.

If you’ve read me much, you know I am all about listening to the wisdom God gave your wife. However, you need to listen to more than just your wife. Men who fail to find the proper balance are at risk of being led astray. Even most wise Solomon made this mistake (see 1 Kings 11:4)!

Sometimes doing the right thing means disappointing or upsetting people. Sometimes your wife will be one of those people. If you care too much about her approval, you’re inviting disaster. Base your self-worth on the Lord and you’ll avoid some big problems.

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This is important to note.  I have been caught up in that way of thinking as well.  We as men need to have a vision and mission for our family that is God-ordained.  Too often it is easier to seek out our wife's approval. I do appreciate that overall in your posts you emphasis we should be considerate of our wives and live with them in an understanding way, however that does not mean we are quick to agree they are always right.  

For those men who are living in healthy relationships I think this comes much easier, but for men who have abused their wives in a variety of ways it is harder to distinguish and takes time to break old habits and develop new skills in listening and truly understanding our wives.

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