Ever had a friend say, “My wife is dragging me to a marriage conference next weekend.” You felt his pain, did you not? Even if he wants to work on his marriage, no one likes being dragged into anything!
Many women feel the same way about sex, or at least about certain sex acts. They are not opposed to sex, but they feel their husband is always trying to drag them into bed or push them into some new sex act. A gentle nudge or tug would be okay, but what they experience is far more drastic.
I am a man, so I get it. Sex is one of the best things God created for us, and even if our bodies were not screaming for it, we would do it because it is so enjoyable. The only thing better than having sex with your wife is having sex with her in a new and different way.
Unfortunately, we can come across as a kid in a candy store. A noisy, demanding kid who wants three of everything, and wants them right now! Notice I said, “we can come across as” not “we act like.” There is a good deal of perception and gender difference at work here. Women are less excited about sex than men are, and this is true even for women who are very excited about sex. Women also tend to be less “all in” about sex. They want to move slower. They want to try a taste, and then think about it before taking a big bite. In essence, they are shy about sex, while we are jumping up and down yelling about it. At best, our exuberance puts them off; at worst, it scares them away.
If you are engaged or recently married, what I have said here could save you years of frustration and result in you having a much better sex life in the future. If you have been married for a good while, your sexual eagerness has probably offended wife and caused her to pull back or shut down. The damage is done, so this news is useless to you, right? Actually, there is still hope.
If you understand what I am saying here, you will see why she has reacted as she has. You will also feel sorry for her, and for what she must have felt because of your natural exuberance. If you “get it”, you can make changes. Slow down. Back off. When she does try something new, be patient with her.
She has been putting on the brakes because she feels as if you have the accelerator to the floor. If you can learn to slow down, she should back off the brake a bit. She will also stop being so uptight about sex, which will allow her to enjoy it more. In time, she might forget about the brake and even think about using the accelerator.