Choosing to Enjoy What She Enjoys

February 25, 2016

in Good Marriage, Her Needs

Andrew made an interesting comment on my A Good Marriage Takes Time post:

“‘Liking’ is, to a large degree, intentional.” ~ BudekSchmeisser

At first glance, you may find that incorrect. It certainly doesn’t sit well on one level. However, I think he’s right.

Much of what we like and dislike is learned. We learn it from our family of origin, our culture, and our friends. There are times in our development when it’s easy to enjoy new things, and other times when our default reaction is like kids who look at food they’ve never eaten and say “What is it, I don’t like it.”

Pecan pie and coffee © believekevin |

The last few years I’ve been actively retrying things I “don’t like”. A couple of months ago I became a fan of pecan pie, something I didn’t enjoy decades ago and had not tried since. Last year I learned to enjoy oatmeal – as long as it’s not instant or quick oats. Before that, I learned to drink coffee, and afternoon coffee has become something Lori and I look forward to.

If we can learn to enjoy tastes we didn’t once like, what else can we learn to like? Maybe not all of something, but a selected form, such as steel cut oats or some of the less twangy country and western music. 

Do it for your wife. If you find a new pleasure in life, consider it a bonus.

Links may be monetised
Image Credit: © believekevin |

Shop AmazonShop to give links page
We are donation supported – thanks for your help!
Where we’re going – Contact us about speaking

Not Completed Yet
Not Completed Yet

I decided a couple of years ago that most (if not everything) was not so much what I wanted to do, or what I liked to do, but what I decided to do. I may not expect to enjoy something, but know that my wife does, so agree to it, really saying 'I know that this is good for us as a couple'. Sometimes I don't necessarily enjoy it, but knowing that we have done it together is good, and maybe brings us closer together. Certainly deciding to do something for the benefit of my wife/ marriage can't do us any harm, and probably some good.


Thanks for the callout, Paul!

I am learning this lesson even now...a few weeks ago I would have said that I loathe "American Idol" and "The Voice", but in choosing to not find the furthest part of the house to escape these shows that The B loves, I have found that there is a certain winsome innocence to them.

It was just a matter of getting past my 'tastes'and trying to look at them through the lens of wanting to spend more time with my wife.

themarriagebed moderator

@BudekSchmeisser  Americal Idol? You're a better man than I! Of course Lori has no interest, so I have no reason to try...


Yes! My hubby has a hobby I couldn't care less about in my own life, but because it is a big part of his life I have found my own niche in it so I have some measure of welcome inclusion without intrusion. He seems pleased with my level of input and understanding, and it gives me a little chance to exercise my creative mind. So I like it. I choose to like it. Otherwise, I wouldn't like it at all.

themarriagebed moderator

@libl  I do the same with some of Lori's hobbies. I'm not opposed to them, but I would have no interest were it not for her.


  1. […] Choosing to enjoy what she enjoys — It’s about pecan pie, but applies to sex, too. Maybe the thing your spouse loves isn’t your favorite, but you can choose (and learn) to enjoy it as a blessing to her. […]

Previous post:

Next post: