About Paul

December 20, 2008

About the ordinary man behind The Generous Husband

All the boring details about me can be found in my bio, and information about this blog can be found at about this blog. Also see Answers to a few common questions

Here’s what you should know about me:

  1. I am very passionate about marriage.
  2. I am very upset at what passes as “a good marriage” in our society today.
  3. My marriage is awesome and getting better.
  4. The above was not always true.
  5. No matter how good or bad your marriage is today, it can be better.
  6. As a result of all of the above, I can not stop myself from doing all I can to see marriages get better. I long to see marriages healing and growing.

I am far from perfect, and I don’t have all the answers for myself, much less for anyone else. However, I’ve learned a good deal along the way, I study marriage and sexuality daily, and I do have things of value to share.

4 comments
Heather
Heather

This is a tough one. From a female perspective, I love to be complimented on attributes both physical and those of the mind. Are you seeing through your dismay to offer her compliments on the things you do love about her? I am not trying to place the burden on you, but we take a vow " in sickness and in health" for a reason. She is sick. In an emotional sense of course. She is expressing that she doesn't love and respect herself. How she got there I do not know but your job is to help her regain self respect, love of self.... Hate to sound cliche but we can't love others if we do not love ourselves. Take her shopping and encourage her to buy a complete outfit that appeals to you. Something casual, not difficult to put on. Don't leave any loose ends like buy the shirt, jeans or skirt, shoes and earings. If she doesn't wear heels routinely buy flats. Help her to regain her respect and beauty. Itch will be dificult getting her to even try if she's really low so compliments may have to start prior to a shopping spree. Draw her a bath and scrub her back for her. Wash her hair. Its sensual and says shes worth your time and effort. Place a simple flower on a marriage bed with fresh sheets. Bring home a dinner for the two of you. If you have children send them to a sitter and set the scene right to take these steps. It's a long process to regain your self. I've been there. My husband and I are now sharing the most gratifying time of our marriage together.... So it is worth it. Most important... Ommunicate! Good luck

ryan
ryan

I am looking for some advice that you might be able to help me with. I have a friend that he and his wife every year go to nudiest resorts. We used to be good friends with this couple I was even in a bible study called Every Mans Battle and I thought that might have changed his thinkning but it didn't. I have already confronted him about it in the past and I thought he would have changed but this is not the case. I have read Mathew 18 :15 over and over and I feel I need to confront him again. Do you know of any verses that I can show him that will help me confront him. I don;t understand how he thinks it is ok and that it is nothing sexual about it. How can you justify this? Seeing a naked women and not being sexually stimulated. Thanks

Arthur Krebbs
Arthur Krebbs

Sorry. There was a major glitch in my earlier comment. Let me restate it. Could you write a blog offering advice on how to deal with a wife who does not seem to care about her appearance? I have grown numb to my wife's sexual indifference, but it would be nice if she could make an effort to look nice when we go out in public. I'm talking about wearing the same ratty jeans and threadbare sweater she's had on all day long when we go to a Christmas party. If I mention it, she'll tell me how tired she is and how much extra trouble it is to change. It all just shouts to me that she takes me for granted and considers it completely unnecessary to continue to attract me. I've heard husbands complain that their wives have become too "comfortable" in the marriage. Comfortable? She's practically comatose.

Shannon Smith
Shannon Smith

Hi, on your main page, "constraint" is misspelled as "contraint" in the title that says Is your marriage a problem or a contraint. Thanks