The Generous Husband 2001 Archive

2001 ARCHIVE FOR THE GENEROUS HUSBAND Prayer and the Word     Words of Affirmation     Quality Time Gifts     Acts of Service     Physical Touch     Sexuality Prayer and the Word Sunday July 15, 2001 - prayer      Some of us aren't too good about praying for our wife, some of us are, and some of us are good about praying for her, but bad about letting her know we are praying for her.  You might wonder why her knowing would matter, since your prayers are between you and God?  Telling her you are praying for her won't make your prayers any better of more affective, but knowing you are praying for her will bless her. What will bless her even more is knowing that your prayers for/about her are guided, at least in part, by what is important to her.      So today ask her what, specifically, she would like you to be praying for her about. Listen to what she says, and then tell her what you heard so you both know you understand. Start with a quick prayer out loud with her right away, then keep taking her concerns before the Lord all week. Sunday July 22, 2001 - Short and sweet prayers      Effective prayer need not be neither fancy nor prolonged. Pick a time and place to pray for her each day this week, and offer a very short prayer so she can hear you.      Maybe you can pray for her each morning as she is getting ready for the day, or each evening as she is doing some chore, or during the day when she changes the baby. Simply ask God to bless her, strengthen her, give her wisdom, etc.. And don't forget to thank God for giving her to you as a wife. Sunday July 29, 2001 - A timely prayer      One of the most precious resources we have is time. Our society tends to be way too busy, and it's a challenge for each of us to use our time wisely. So this week pray for your wife's time management. It doesn't matter if she is strong or weak in this area, we can all benefit from more wisdom in deciding how to invest our time. Sunday August 5, 2001 - Pray for the jerk        No, I'm not calling your wife a jerk. But there's probably someone in her life who could be identified as such, in the way he or she acts towards your wife. A co-worker, a neighbor, even a relative? Ask your wife to tell you just a bit about a person in her life who is difficult to get along with, then pray for that person and for their interaction with your wife. Sunday August 12, 2001 - Get some prayer      I bet she prays for you. Do you help her by telling her what you would like her to pray about? Do you share your struggles, thoughts and goals so she can pray in agreement with you? Acknowledge her prayers, and their importance, and arm her with the information that will make her prayers an even greater blessing. Sunday August 19, 2001 - doubling the Biblical blessings.      If you don't study the Bible together (or even if you do) try this. Pick a book to read thru at a set rate. Read separately, but then later talk about what you read, what it meant to you, and how you think it applies to your life. Chances are you will often see very different things in the scriptures you read, and by sharing you will get the benefit of what you each saw. Sunday August 26, 2001 - It is not good for the man to be alone      Is there a scripture which really speaks to you about marriage, or about your marriage? A scripture which you see as a guide or a goal? Does your wife have such a scripture?      Spend a bit of time talking about that this week. Share what guides you, and find out what guides her. It will help you understand each other better, and it may make it easier for you to bless her or help her be who she feels God is calling her to be. Sunday September 9, 2001 - If I have not love ....      The 13th chapter of 1 Corinthians is called the love chapter. While it is speaking of Christian love, it can certainly be applied to marriage. Why not read it together, and discuss what you think it means. Then each of you can pick one passage or idea that you feel you are weak in, and promise to work on it. If you are really brave, or have a lot of trust, you can ask her what one area she would like you to be stronger in, and focus on that. Sunday, 16 September, 2001 - Pray for NY and DC      Take some time today to join your wife and pray for all the new widows and widowers in New York and Washington.      Kind of puts into perspective all the little things about her that drive you crazy, doesn't it? Love the wife He has given you, she is a true treasure. Sunday, 23 September, 2001 - Pray about it      Next time your wife expresses or shows frustration with something you have done or said, make a mental note of what it was, and take some time to pray and meditate about it later. Is there some way you can modify your behavior that will reduce her frustration? Are you abrupt, condescending, distant, sarcastic? Even if you're sure it's her, not you, there is very likely something you can do to make it easier for both of you. Sunday, 30 September, 2001 - Pressed down and over flowing      We are told in the Word that we receive in the measure we use for giving. If we want God's blessing on our marriage, should we not therefore be working to bless the marriages of others? Why don't you and your wife choose a couple you both know, and begin to pray for their marriage. Don't tell them what you are doing, just do it. Sunday, 7 October, 2001 - ... and the hands that prepared it.      Saying grace at a meal is the most regular "joint" prayer time some couples have. Whether or not you pray together at other times, grace is a great opportunity to thank the Lord for you wife, or ask Him to bless her. If she has a special need, make a short mention of that. Just don't go so long the food gets cold! Sunday, 14 October, 2001 - "Lord bless this day."      Make a point of starting each day with a word of shared prayer. It need not be fancy or long; think of it as saying grace for the day, just as you bless each meal. A few words out loud, by one or both of you, before you even get out of bed in the morning, puts Him at the head of your day. And if you occasionally get carried away and pray a bit longer, that's okay too! Sunday, 21 October, 2001 - I can't talk to God about that!      Have you ever prayed about sex? ("Oh God, let her say yes" does not count). Have you ever prayed as a couple about your sex life? Many of us have a hard time reconciling sex and prayer, but God cares about our sex lives, and He want's us to bring everything to him in prayer. So no matter what sexual problems you might have, or if you just want a good sex life to be better, grab your wife and pray about it. Sunday, 28 October, 2001 - The little children      If you have children, make sure you not only teach them to pray, but also let them hear you pray. It's the right thing to do, and it will touch a mother's heart. Sunday, 4 November, 2001 - Lord, give my wife health and strength      Be aware of her health and well being and be fast to pray for her when she is suffering in these areas. Pray for her at bed time and in the morning, pray for her during the day, and let her know she is in your prayers. Sunday, 11 November, 2001 - God as referee      Ever let God settle a difference in your marriage? When you just can't see eye to eye on something, agree to pray about it separately for a little (or long) while. Ask God to show you her point of view, and to show you her's. Ask Him to show both of you His point of view. Be open to Him guiding you to another way of seeing it, possibly something neither of you had considered. Sunday, 18 November, 2001 - See her as God sees her      Ask the Lord to show you who He wants your wife to be. Not just a vague direction, but a clear image of who He intends her to be, what He is calling her to do, and how He wants to use her.      Then pray for those things, and be on the look out for things which may prevent God's will for her life. Sunday, 25 November, 2001 - Daily verse      Each day, at a time that works for you, read out loud to each other a verse or passage that has some meaning to you. It can be something you have always liked, or something that you have "just found". It can be something that comforts you, convicts you, or troubles you.      Bonus: If you like different versions of the Bible, read the verse back to each other in your preferred version. Sunday, 2 December, 2001 - Pray against December depression      As much as we love the holiday season, it is also full of busyness, stress, and aggravation. Make a point this year of daily praying for your wife - pray for her schedule and use of time, pray for her to have energy, pray for her to get the food and sleep she needs, and pray to have sensitivity and insight about her needs and her level of stress. Sunday, 9 December, 2001 - On the same page      Buy a gift together that will help you with your joint prayer life or exploration of God's Word. A prayer journal you will both use, a new Bible, a concordance, Bible software, or a daily scripture book or calender. Sunday, 16 December, 2001 - Let her know      Let her know you are praying for her. Call her up or whisper in her ear, "I'm praying for you." Leave a message on the phone or her e-mail that you are praying for her, or put a sticky note where she will find it. Sunday, 23 December, 2001 - Sticks and stones are nothing      The saying goes "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." A nice thought maybe, but in reality words can do a lot of damage, and that damage can last for a very long time. So, pray for your wife and any wounding she has received because of the words of those around her. Sunday, 30 December, 2001 - Start the year with prayer       Some time in the next few days, make some time to get alone with your wife and pray for, and about, the new year. Ask God to bless your marriage and your lives, and ask Him to show you His will for both. New Years night is a great time for this, but anytime between now and the second of January is good.      Bonus: While you are praying, make an out loud commitment to God to be a better and more loving husband. Ask Him to give you the strength and wisdom to bless your wife beyond anything you have done in the past. Words of Affirmation Monday July 16, 2001 - You bless others      We all have a hard time knowing how we come across to others, and most of us under estimate how much and how often we bless others. Watch your wife this week, and look for times when her words or actions have blessed someone else. Then when you are alone with her, tell her what you saw by saying "You really blessed Jill when you ...". Monday July 23, 2001 - Snail mail still works      Send her a card in the mail, telling her how wonderful she is. Mention something she has recently done which blessed or touched you. Thank her for being your wife. Monday July 30, 2001 - I love you because ....      She loves to hear you say you love her, she can't hear it too much; but it's even nicer if you occasionally tell her why you love her. What does she do that blesses you? What was it about her that attracted you in the first place? What does she do that makes you proud, or makes you even more glad that she is your wife? Tell her by saying "I love you because ...." Monday August 6, 2001 - Shhhhh      Try whispering about your love. When you whisper, the listener has to pay extra attention to hear what is being said, and this can result in the message being more deeply received than if you spoke or even yelled. Whispering is also very intimate when you are among others.      When you pass your wife slow down and whisper a few loving words in her ear. When you are in a group lean over and whisper about how nice she looks, or how glad you are that you get to go home with her. And at night in bed, when she is half asleep, whisper an "I love you" or "goodnight my love" in her ear. Monday August 13, 2001 - "I just called to say ..."          Call her up from work, and tell her something she did recently that blessed and or impressed you. Better yet, make a point of calling every day this week to encourage her in this way. No need for long speeches or flowery words, just a simple message of love and encouragement. Monday August 20, 2001 - A rhyme by any other name ...      Don't you just love poetry? Never mind, that's not the point. Even if your wife is not big on poetry, going to the trouble of putting your thoughts in verse should bless her. Use some rhymes to tell her how much you love her, and how wonderful she is.      If you aren't up to starting from scratch, try modifying something she would know. Maybe a song, or a well know poem. Or try rewriting something like Proverbs 31 or Psalm 23, making it about your wife. You don't have to know a haiku from a limerick to bless her with poetry! Monday August 27, 2001 - You can do it!      She may complain you never communicate, but sometimes we male types say too much rather than too little. You have to know when, but there are times when what she really needs is a simple "I know you can do it" or "I trust you" or "You can handle that."      Bonus: When she is going to have to do something difficult, leave a post-it with one of these messages where you know she will find it shortly before she has to do the task. This kind of quick message can be a great boost for her courage or confidence. Monday September 10, 2001 - her children bless her      If you have kids, of any age, encourage them to tell mom how great she is. For young kids ask them what she does that they like, or what she does well, and write it out for them on a picture they have drawn of mommy. Get adult kids to write something and mail it. And for teens - you're on your own there! ;-) Monday, 17 September, 2001 - Speak up, man!      When is the last time you told her what a great wife she is? Don't just mumble something, let her know how much she blesses you, how much you need her, how much you depend on her. Many men seem to assume their wife knows how they feel, but God did not make women mind readers. Besides, even if she does know how you feel, she would really like to hear you say it too. Monday, 24 September, 2001 - Encouragement in a box      Write down a number of short encouraging notes and put them where she can read them when ever she wants to. This can be as simple as folded pieces of paper in an old shoe box, but it doesn't take much to make it a lot fancier. • Go to the book store and buy one of those little blank books. Fill most of the page on some pages, and something short like "I love you" or "You have cute buns" on others. • Write things on pieces of paper, roll them up, and tie them with colored yarn or ribbons. Place them in a fancy container. • If you are computer savvy, set up encouraging notes on her computer. Have a random note show on each start up, or pop up every hour.. Monday, 1 October, 2001 - You look marvelous, darling.      Do you say nice things about the way she looks? She needs to hear from you that you like the way she looks, the way she dresses, the way she does her hair. Make a point of really looking at her so you will know when she has a new hairdo or new dress.      And no, I don't know a safe answer to "does this make me look fat". Monday, 8 October, 2001 - That blessed me.      When she does something that helps or blesses you, make a point of telling her so right then. You don't have to use fancy words or go on and on, just tell her that her actions have made your day easier, or made you happy, or made you feel loved.      Bonus: If she truly blesses you sexually, go out of your way to tell her so. Many women feel inadequate sexually, and even those who are more than meeting their husbands needs may fear they are falling short. Monday, 15 October, 2001 - Eraseable Encouragement      Buy a small white board and marker - you can get them the size of a sheet of paper, with or without a bit of artwork or a cartoon on them. Post it in a fairly private place where you wife will see it daily - the back of your bedroom or bathroom door works well. Daily write a love note or other encouragement on the white board. Monday, 22 October, 2001 - Stuck on you      Post-it notes are a great way to leave encouraging words just about anywhere. Find a distinctive size, color or shape to use so she will know what it is even before she reads it. Monday, 29 October, 2001 - What a lover you are!      A lot of women worry that they are not really satisfying their husband in bed. Some women become so convinced they can never be a good lover they stop trying. So, make a point of telling her when she does something sexual that you enjoy. If she pleases you most or all of the time, tell her so. If she isn't doing too well, look for something you can praise her for; it might get her interested in trying harder.      If nothing else, try a heartfelt WOW after sex. Monday, 5 November, 2001 - Be a mirror      Most of us do not see ourselves accurately - it's like we are viewing ourselves in a warped, distorted, fun house mirror. Chances are very good your wife does this from time to time (or all of the time) and it may get her feeling bad about herself when she has actually done something that should make her feel good.      So be her mirror; her true, honest, as-it-is mirror. Yes, that means being honest when the truth is not exactly what she wants to hear, but knowing you will tell the truth no matter what, makes the good stuff you say more valuable to her.      And remember to speak the truth in love - without love it's nothing. Monday, 12 November, 2001 - Good gossip      Any time you hear someone say something nice about your wife when she is not around, be sure and let her know about it. Likewise, if someone tells you something good about her. Monday, 19 November, 2001 - SWAK       Okay, most of us know that SWAK on the back of an envelope means Sealed With A Kiss. Come up with your own signature line that only you and your wife know the meaning of. Put it on cards, notes, and e-mails. End phone conversations with it. Say it as you part.      YATLOML = you are the love of my life.      YHCB = you have cute buns.      CWTGH = can't wait to get home. Bonus: Find letters that spell out a word. Bonus 2: Fit her name into it. For example, if she was Gloria Olson:      GOLD = Gloria Olsen, Lady Divine. Monday, 26 November, 2001 - High tech love notes      If your wife has a pager, or a phone that allows for digital messages, you can send love notes that will mean nothing to anyone else, even if they see them.  Just work up a short list of codes, and you're all set. For example: 111 = your my number one lady 143 = I love you 34 = a hug and a kiss 777 = you are such a Godly wife 911 = I need you right now! 411 = thinking of you. Monday, 3 December, 2001 - Secret sign of encouragement      Is there something your wife faces, while you are around, where she feels uncomfortable or unsure? Maybe she is nervous around strangers, or has a hard time accepting compliments, or is uncomfortable speaking in a group. Create a nonverbal signal that means "you can do it" or "you were great" or "hang in there." The signal can be something like scratching your ear with your pinky, or folding your hands in a way you don't normally do. Monday, 10 December, 2001 - My heart on paper      Give her a gift she will remember for a long, long time. Sit down and write her a letter telling her how wonderful she is, how she blesses you, how much you need her and depend on her. It need not be real long, but it should be more than a couple of paragraphs. Put some time into it - think about it, write it and rewrite it.      Once you have it composed, create a nice looking document. Handwritten is a nice touch, if your handwriting is legible. If you print it out choose a fancy (but readable) font. A nice heavy weight paper with a pale pattern or picture is another good touch. Seal it up in a nice envelope, put her name on it, and leave it where she will find it when she will have a bit of private time to read it. Monday, 17 December, 2001 - If it weren't for you      Be honest, you are a better person because of her, aren't you? She softens your rough edges, and fills in where you are lacking. You have each benefited from each other, learning to be more balanced. So tell her how much she has helped (improved) you by her loving input into your life. Monday, 24 December, 2001 - The secret word is ....      Come up with a couple of secret words that mean "I love you" or "you mean so much to me" or even "you've got a cute butt". Make them words that are not too common, but that you can fit into a sentence occasionally. Then you can send your wife a secret love message even in a crowd.      A couple of example words - spectacular, ingenious, gargantuan, minuscule. Monday, 31 December - The year in revue    Think about the last year, and come up with some "highlights" which show your wife doing a great job; then share these things with your wife. Mention things which demonstrate a deepening commitment to the Lord, growth, or achievement. And don't forget to talk about things which come under the category of her being a generous wife. Quality Time Tuesday July 17, 2001- Dinner for 2      If your wife values time spent with you above all else, then dinner out is more about having you to herself than the food or the ambiance of the restaurant. So if funds are tight take her to Taco Bell, or if you can't leave the kids have a fancy dessert by candle light after they are in bed. Tuesday July 24, 2001- A place to talk      Create a special place which is dedicated to sitting together and sharing your thoughts and feelings. Put a love seat in your bedroom, or hang a porch swing, or put a couple of chairs under a tree in the back yard. Or if you walk together regularly find bench, curb, tree or rock to sit on. Neither where nor what matter, the point is to have a place which is reserved for this special intimacy.      Once you have decided on where, share with your wife that you want it to be a special place to be with her and to talk. You may well find she will sit there, or lead you there, to indicate a need to converse with you. And because our minds make connections between things and actions, and between places and feelings, you may also find that it becomes unusually easy for you to talk deeply and openly when you sit in that place with her. Tuesday July 31, 2001 - Walk the walk      Taking a walk together is a great way to spend time together. Hold her hand as you stroll. Comment on the things you see, and on what is happening in your life. Don't be afraid to be silent too, just holding her hand as you move together. So invite her for a walk after dinner, or at dusk. And when you get home, stop at the front door and give her a big, long kiss. Tuesday August 7, 2001 - I'm game      One good way to spend time together is to find a game you both enjoy. It's more than just the game, because you will be focusing on her, giving her your time, and talking with her as you go.      In general you want something which is not too complicated (it's hard to talk over a chess game). You don't want one person to lose all the time, so pick something 1) in which you are more or less equally matched 2) you can handicap, or 3) has a fair amount of chance to it. A few possibilities are Scrabble, Backgammon, cards, and dominos. Tuesday August 14, 2001 - Green light for time together     You can have a great time talking together in the car. It's private, and aside from all the folks out there who don't know how to drive, there are no distractions (leave the cell phone at home). Next time one of you needs to do an errand that requires a bit of a drive, why don't both of you go? It's a chance to be together, and the company will make it easier to avoid yelling unchristian things at other drivers ;-) Tuesday August 21, 2001 - Get away for a day      It's always nice to get away on a private little vacation, but sometimes funds and/or time make that difficult. Still, even a day away together can be great for your marriage, so here are some money and time saving ways to get away together.      If you have kids, see if you can find a couple who will trade out with you, so you can both get a break without having the kids. If you don't have kids, shoot for a weekday, since motel rates are lower Sunday night thru Thursday night.      Eating out can cost more than the motel, so pack an ice chest. Maybe have one nice meal out, and eat the rest in. Don't go far, so you don't spend too much time driving. Chances are there is someplace near you have never explored that you could enjoy together.      And if a hotel is out of the question, tell everyone you are taking a short vacation, then stay at home! Turn off the phone, turn down the answering machine, close the curtains, don't check your e-mail, and ignore the world! Visit some local tourist attraction you never have time for. Or rent a bunch of movies, buy some junk food, throw a blanket in front of the TV, and spend the day naked. Tuesday August 28, 2001 - Basket optional      Think a picnic is corny or stereotypical? Maybe that's why is can be such a blessing. Pack an ice chest, grab a blanket, and head for a park, beach, forest, or even a rest stop. Just the two of you, eating, talking, laughing, and enjoying each other. Tuesday September 11, 2001 - Shop till you drop      Science has not yet proven that estrogen causes a need to shop, but antidotal evidence suggests this is true. And for most women getting there is more than half the fun - they like to look (and look, and look).      So for a real quality time blessing, go shopping with her, and DON'T complain when she looks at a shoe which you can not distinguish from shoes she has looked at in a dozen other stores. Or maybe she likes to go antiquing - go along and help out. If nothing else you can carry bags!      And while you are out with her, talk, walk hand in hand, share a soda, or get ice cream. Just enjoy being together. Tuesday, 18 September, 2001 - Spend your time wisely.      Is there something you spend so much time on that your wife feels cheated? We once had a wife cry "he loves his bass boat more than he loves me". Her husband spent so much time involved in fishing, and with his fishing buddies, that his wife was jealous - perhaps rightly so.      We only have so much time, and any time we spend away from our family is time we can't spend with them. When you were single your time was your own, but when you became married your time was no longer yours alone.      This is not to say it's wrong to do things away from your wife, but think about what you do and how much time you spend on various activities. Maybe you need to spend a bit less time on something you do, and invest the "saved time" in your marriage. Tuesday, 25 September, 2001 - Movie night      Rent a video or two, make some popcorn, and snuggle up together with the lights off. Enjoy the movie, and being together. (And let her rent a chick flick, if you dare). Tuesday, 2 October, 2001 - About 7 ......      Kids are very open about needing our attention, they get in our lap, or face, when they need some quality time. Unfortunately we have been taught to think adults should not be so forward. If you could read your wife's mind that would be okay, because you would know when she needed some time with you. But what usually happens is you don't know how much she needs a bit of time until she is already hurting from the lack of it.      So why not just ask her how full her "quality time tank" is? She can give you a zero to ten answer. Or find a way of letting her communicate the message without words - put a small white board where you will see it regularly, and let her write the number there - or keep ten coins on the dresser in two piles.      Yes, these ideas seem silly, but if it helps you better understand her and meet her needs, get over feeling silly. Tuesday, 9 October, 2001 - Quality time that's not "a waste of time"      Many men find it easier to talk while they are doing something than when they are sitting staring into their wife's eyes. So spend time doing some mundane task with her, and talk while you do it. Do the dishes together, wash the car together, or work in the flower beds together. Tuesday, 16 October, 2001 - Are you a FANatic ?      Are you a sports fan in a big way? Unless you have one of those rare wives who is really into football/basketball/golf/tennis/baseball/hockey/soccer/wrestling/nascar, your devotion to your sport(s) of choice may be a source of frustration for her. If you can give her as much time as you give the sport she will probably not complain. But if the sport gets more quality time than she does she has a reason to feel unloved, doesn't she?      Spend some time thinking about that balance, and increase the time you spend with her and/or decrease the time spent with sports until she is getting as much of you as your sports are. Think of it this way, folks on their death bed have lamented the lack of time they spent with family, but no one says "I wish I had watched more golf!"      P.S. GO HORNS! Tuesday, 23 October, 2001 - Quantity vs. Quality      How much quantity of time does it take to have real quality time? Sure, you can have a quality minute, but if all your attempts at quality time are crammed into a short bit of time, don't expect it to fill her need.      Part of the quality time need is a feeling that you are important enough to spend time with; always cutting quality time as short as possible does NOT send that message. Just being together, even if you are really doing nothing, is what she wants. Walking hand in hand together, laying together, doing the bills together, washing the dishes together ... see the pattern? It's the together part that's important! Tuesday, 30 October, 2001 - A very short vacation      If she gets overwhelmed by the kids, or by something she's doing, take her to the bedroom and spend a few minutes talking to her, hugging her and rubbing her back. If it's the kids who are stressing her, leave her alone and let her know you will watch them while she takes some time to regain her balance. Tuesday, 6 November, 2001 - Cheap date with a priceless lady      Try going out to a local coffee shop, donut place, or ice cream parlor, for dessert some time after dinner. It doesn't cost as much as a full dinner, and you have a bigger talking to eating ratio. You might even be able to leave older kids (or an older and a younger kid) for the half hour you would be gone.      Bonus: Get a soda with two straws or an ice cream sundae with two spoons. Tuesday, 13 November, 2001 - Join me      When you need to run an errand, ask her if she would like to join you. I doubt she gets into HomeDepot®, and she probably does not share you enthusiasm for hunting shops or places that sell live bait. But she will enjoy being with you, and she will enjoy talking to you in the car.      Bonus: spend at least a few minutes talking about something other than your project, sports, or catching the big one. Tuesday, 20 November, 2001 - Plan some time into the holidays.      The holiday season is upon us. It's easy to get so busy you don't make time for the most important things, like your wife! Take some time now to think about how you can guarantee that you will be able to give her the time she needs and deserves this next 40 days. Plan to do holiday shopping and errands together, decorate the house together, drive around looking at lights together. Tuesday, 27 November, 2001 - Got kids?  Got time for them"      Mothers care deeply for their kids, and especially for their emotional well being.  So, spending some time with your children is a blessing to her too.  Time with your children need not be a big deal or involve a lot of planning; they mostly just need to be with you.  When our son was 2 and 3 years old I was working a lot of hours in the Texas heat.  At night I was too exhausted to do much, so I would lay on the floor and let him climb all over me.  A few tickles and rolling him over now and them made it a great fun time with dad!      Bonus: Arrange some of your time with your kid(s) so it gives your wife a break at the same time. Tuesday, 4 December, 2001 - I'm your husband, and I'll be your waiter tonight      Find a place for the kids if you have any (switch nights with a friend who has kids) and make your wife a meal for just the two of you. If you don't cook, shouldn't cook, or don't have time, get a variety of gourmet frozen food and put it on nice plates after you cook it. You can even buy a complete salad mix in a bag, just add a tomato and/or a few olives.      Seat your wife, then serve one course at a time. Eat slowly, and enjoy the time together. Be sure she knows you will be doing the clean up.      Hot Bonus: If you think she would go for it, dress in your best shirt, tie and suit jacket - but go naked from the waist down. Tuesday, 11 December, 2001 - Twinkle light up her life      Sometime around the weekend before Christmas, take a drive to look at Christmas light displays. Maybe a town display like a "trail of lights" or a neighborhood where everyone tries to out do everyone. Some newspapers will write articles on the best neighborhoods, or you can scout it out yourself before hand. Some Christmas music on the car radio or CD/cassette player adds to the experience, but keep the volume low enough to share your delight with the lights.      Bonus: Bring a Thermos of hot chocolate or coffee. Tuesday, 18 December, 2001 - Yule time date      Life getting crazy as Christmas approaches? Having less and less time to spend together? Make a firm date to go out to eat together. When and where are not important, just find a way to make it happen before Christmas. You may have to be creative to find a time you can both make. Can you take a long lunch one day, or maybe go for breakfast on Saturday or Sunday? And you may need to work at child care: find a friend to keep yours a couple of hours in return for you watching theirs, or tap into the out of school baby sitter pool during daylight hours when they are more likely to be available.      Bonus: give her a small wrapped Christmas gift between ordering and getting your food. Tuesday, 25 December, 2001 - Merry CHRISTmas!      Find a moment of privacy today, even if you have to drag her into the garage, and tell her that after salvation, she is the most precious gift you have ever received. Give her a long hug, and wish her a merry Christmas. Gifts Wednesday July 18, 2001- Hidden Gifts      Buy several small inexpensive gifts - her favorite candy, a knick knack, a small candle, or anything else you know she would like. Wrap them the same, or put them in matching gift bags, and add a small tag with her name. Now "hide" the gifts in out of the way places where she will find them - the refrigerator, her lingerie drawer, hanging from the bathtub faucet, the front seat of her car, under her pillow - be creative! Wednesday July 25, 2001 - flowers      Giving flowers may seem unimaginative, but there is a reason flowers are a time honored gift for women. Of course you can make it even better by getting just a bit fancy.      Get a small vase and keep a fresh flower in it all the time. Vary the flower type and color. You should be able to get away with changing the flower 2 or 3 times a week.      Or build a bouquet one flower at time. You can do this over one day, or several. Buy the flowers all at once or a few at a time, and stash them away in a cool place in a holding vase. Slowly slip the flowers in one at a time, so there are more there each time she sees it. Wednesday August 1, 2001 - Be gift ready      If gifts are what speak to your wife, be ready at all times. First you need a good place to hide gifts till you give them to her. A box in the middle of a stack of boxes is a good place - she probably doesn't check old tax records regularly! Then you need to learn to keep an eye out for things you know she would like. Buy several of something when you see them, and give them separated by other things. Remember the woman who "hears love" in gifts is more moved by the thought than the price; big expensive gifts are always nice, but several small inexpensive ones will have a greater affect on her in the long run. Wednesday August 8, 2001 - Go get a whatzit or a thingamajig.      What does she like to do with her spare time? Jigsaw puzzles, crossword puzzles, cross stitch, collecting Pez® containers or Beanie Babies ® ?? Give her a gift along the lines of her hobby or favorite past time.      If you are unsure of what to give, if she enjoys knitting and you don't know a drop stitch from a ball of yarn, then give her a gift certificate. If her favorite store doesn't offer gift certificates (most do now), make one yourself and include it with cash in an envelope. Wednesday August 15, 2001 - Picture perfect     Get a photo of yourself or the two of you, and put it in a nice frame. Put it on the headboard or night stand without a word. Wednesday August 22, 2001 - how come the smaller it is, the more it costs?      This is especially for those of you who have wanted to give some sexy lingerie, but were afraid your wife might react wrong to the gift, but even if you've given lingerie regularly, try this. I'll give some first time dos and don'ts, and some size clarification below. By the way, don't think you have to go to one of the lingerie stores in the mall, which can embarrass you and will assault your wallet - Wal*Mart has some very nice looking things at great prices.      To soften the shock affect, package the undies in a fancy container which is a gift in and of it's self. Arrange several brightly colored panties in a cut glass vase for a faux flower presentation. Or enclose an item or two in a pretty box or music box. Any container will do, the prettier the better. Or try using lingerie as "wrapping paper" for a small item, especially jewelry.      If you have never given lingerie before, start out with something that is just a bit more racy that what your wife currently wears. If she only wears white and pastels, something black with red trim is over the top. Try solid dark colors like blue, green, or purple. Solid black or solid red are much more sexual, so avoid them or put one such item in with some tamer items. If you can find a black background with flowers on it that's ideal.      If she doesn't own a thong, don't buy one. If all she wears are "granny panties", a bikini (not a string bikini) may seem pretty sexual to her.      Sizes are mostly a sick joke when it comes to lingerie. Get her size off of her clothes. You want waist size, dress size, T-shirt size and bra size (the number is her chest under her breasts, the cup is how much bigger she is measured around at the nipples.) • Bras are easy for size, but then you have other options. If none of her bras has an underwire, don't buy a bra that does. If she does not own a push up bra, don't get her one. If all of her bras have a bit of padding, buy the same. Unless she does not own ANY back hook bras, don't worry about front vs. back. • The sizes on panties have no correlation to pants or dress sizes, and vary from one manufacturer to another. Your best bet is to check a pair of her panties which is not too old (and thus stretched out), and "measure" it. Put one edge on your pointer finger and gently pull it along your arm, noting how far it goes. Repeat at the store (when you are sure no one is watching). Otherwise check the size on her panties at home and try to find the same brand at the store. If you have her waist size a clerk can help, if you are game for that. • OS stands for "one size fits all". DO NOT BELIEVE IT. • Some things, especially looser things like teddies, are small, medium, large and maybe extra large. You can probably guess fairly well at this, or go by T-shirt size. When in doubt, get a bigger size. Wednesday August 29, 2001 - Across the miles      You can get some extra mileage out of a gift by giving it publicly. Your goal here is to make her feel special in front of her friends, not embarrass her, so subtle is the key. Rather than showing up in person and making a big deal, send or leave a single flower some place where she will be with a couple of her girl friends.      It should be easy to get one of them to help you, if need be. Once when Lori went to a women's conference, I gave one of the other women from our church a silk rose with instructions to leave it on her pillow at the conference. Be creative, and you can bless her even from miles away. Wednesday September 5, 2001 - Give yourself      Make some love coupons, with things you will do or get for her upon request. A meal out, a back rub, taking the kids for a couple of hours, watch a video, get her a cold drink, what ever you know she would enjoy most.      To make it easier, you can start with the blank coupons we have at <http://www.themarriagebed.com/coupons.shtml>. Wednesday September 12, 2001 - Wrap it up.      Part of the fun of gifts is unwrapping them. Even if it's simple and small (and inexpensive), wrapping it up makes it more special.      If you can't wrap, don't worry. Buy small pretty cardboard boxes, pre-made bows, a bit of ribbon, gift bags, and colored tissue paper. Wednesday, 19 September, 2001 - I'll be back ...      If you have to go out of town overnight, leave her a gift under her pillow, or between the pillow and the bedspread. Attach a card saying you will be missing her and thinking of her. Get a book or book of puzzles if she likes such things, or a candle or candy. What you give is not as important as the thought, and putting the gift where she will find it at the lonely go-to-bed-alone time will bless her. Wednesday, 26 September, 2001 - follow the flowers      Buy a dozen plus flowers (something low price) and make a pathway from the door where she will enter the house, to a spot where you have put a vase with a single red rose. Wednesday, 3 October, 2001 - It's money, honey.      A great way to give her something she will love is to give her a gift certificate to a store she likes. A book store, music store, craft store, clothes store, what ever she really likes. If the perfect store doesn't sell gift certificates (which if rare now), make you own for that store, and let her know what she has to spend.      It need not be a huge amount, but if you can afford to be generous that's fun too. Put the certificate in a card with a short message, and give it to her, leave it where she will find it, or even mail it. Wednesday, 10 October, 2001 - I'm a moth to your flame ....      Candles make excellent gifts. Get candles that are in some sort of container, as they are safer and less messy. Personalize it by getting a color and/or fragrance you know she likes. Wrap it up, or light it and put it in the bedroom while she is in the shower. Wednesday, 17 October, 2001 - Sugar daddy!      Leave a bag, box or bar of her favorite candy where she will find it. If she is on a diet, go for her favorite low-cal snack food. Wednesday, 24 October, 2001 - Sticker to it      If you regularly give small gifts (and if you don't, consider it), find a way to easily identify them as being a gift from you. An easy way is to find a distinctive sticker (I found a great red glitter-look heart sticker). Buy a bunch, and slap them on gifts of any size. Eventually just the sticker alone will send a message of love. Wednesday, 31 October, 2001 - Pennies from hubby      Start a change box or bottle, and let her know you are saving it for her to get something she wants or needs. Put it where she will see it, and see how fast you can fill it up. Attach a card that says "For Lori". (Or use her name, it might work better ;-) Wednesday, 7 November, 2001 - Subscribe her       If there is a magazine she regularly buys (or just looks at in the store), get her a subscription. Since mail subscriptions usually come out well before the magazine is in the store you can make is a surprise that she will find out about when the first issue arrives.      Bonus: Play with her name on the subscription, using a pet name or nickname followed by your last name. Wednesday, 14 November, 2001 - Open a box of eating out      Make up a "good for one meal out" coupon, then put it where she will find it while cooking. You can just put it between a couple of cans, or you can get fancy - put it in baggie and slip it inside a box or a flour or sugar container. Make it clear she can save the coupon for future use - so the next time she is too tired or busy to make dinner she can open that special box and it's off to a restaurant.      Bonus: If money is tight, save up the needed funds ahead of time, and let her know the money has been set aside for that purpose. That way she won't worry about busting the budget. Wednesday, 21 November, 2001 - Flowers for her mother      Send your mother-in-law flowers on your wife's birthday. If you attach a card, a simple "thank you" is enough. Trust me, word will get back to your wife, and you will bless two women with one gift. Wednesday, 28 November, 2001 Todays tip comes from a Generous Husband in the UK ....      My memory isn't what it used to be, and giving my wife flowers/gifts at random is something that I love to do, but alas is easily forgotten by me.  So I got a desk calender that listed international holidays. Living in the UK means that she has no idea that it is Chinese New Year, or Thanksgiving, or Bastille Day... she gets flowers or gifts on these dates. She receives these gifts 'out-of-the-blue' :) This also easily allows me to keep track of when I last gave her gifts in this way. Wednesday, 5 December, 2001 - Gift giving time      With Christmas coming up, I'm going to break form and discuss various aspects of gift giving for a number of days. Next week I will suggest ideas for giving to women of each love language.      Gift giving need not be expensive to be a huge blessing. The real gift is that you thought of her. Taking the time to find the right gift, noticing her likes and needs enough to know what the right gift is, caring enough to make it look nice - these are the things that affect her beyond the gift itself. Your time is far more valuable than your money in everything you do with or for her, even with regards to gift giving. Wednesday, 12 December, 2001 - Gobs of gifts      What gift do you get someone who is a gift person? Lots and lots of gifts. What you buy is less important here than how many you buy. Buy a bunch of different things, or lot of similar things, or some of each. Wrap them all in a distinctive paper and either leave one or two a day for a week or more, or leave them all over the house on one day.      Bonus: Finish off with one really nice gift at the end of the day or week. Wednesday, 19 December, 2001 - Where can I buy 12 lords a leaping?      The twelve days of Christmas start on Christmas day (which is less than a week away, in case you missed it). Buy 12 small gifts, wrap them up, and give her one each day starting on December 25th. The gifts need not be fancy or expensive, and you can have fun trying to give things that reflect the song or pun off of the song. Wednesday, 26 December, 2001 - Picture that!      Have pictures in drawers and shoe boxes? Buy her a nice frame, or better yet a picture album. Acts of Service Thursday July 19, 2001- Let me do the shopping      She's totally exhausted, or just tired of being out of the house, and she needs to go shopping. Be it one thing or a weeks worth of groceries, offer to go for her. Promise to get exactly what's on the list, and only what's on the list .... then do it. (And don't put anything on top of the bread.) ;-) Thursday July 26, 2001-      Doing things, even little things, for your wife is great way to bless her; but for maximum affect, timing is everything.      If she is tired, just getting up to fill her glass, or bringing her something to drink when she's thirsty, will mean so much to her. Tucking the kids in when she has had a long day means a lot more than doing the same thing when she has not had a long day.      The ultimate is being the one to jump at doing things when you are both tired. From "I'll take care of dinner" to "I'll go out and get the mail", you can show your love by making a point of doing little things she would do, before she gets up to do them. Thursday August 2, 2001 - Mom's day IN      If you have young kids, one of the best things you can do for your wife is give her some time at home without them. Sunday is a great time to do this - take the family to lunch after church, then drop her at the house and take the kids out for the day. Let her know that you will be back after dinner, and you and the kids will have already eaten. When you get home, be responsible for getting the kids ready for and into bed. Thursday August 9, 2001 - a dirty job, but ....      There a many small tasks and little chores that have to be done to keep a family going. Each of us has one we really dislike, from taking out the trash to putting fresh sheets on the bed to dusting the ceiling fans. Try to identify a task that your wife does, but greatly dislikes, and start doing it for her. Don't mention it, just get there ahead of her. Thursday August 16, 2001 - Fix it man     Is there something which is sort of broken? It works, but not quite the way it should, or as quickly or easily as it should. In your mind it may not be worth the time, effort or money it would take to fix it - but does your bride feel the same way. Either set aside some time to take care of it, or bite the bullet and pay someone to take care of it. Thursday August 23, 2001 - Have her make a list, and check it      Doing this for your wife is great, especially if that's how she "hears love", but to really do it right you need to do the things she most wants/needs you to do. If you are faithfully doing things #4 through #100 on her priority list, but not doing #1 - #3, she is going to feel frustrated, and maybe unloved.      Do you know what is at the top of her list? Are you sure? Why not ask her, or better yet get her to write it down. Thursday September 6, 2001 - Nix the foxes      In Song of Songs, we read that "the little foxes spoil the vines". Big foxes would eat fruit from the grape vines, but the little foxes were to small to reach the fruit, and would instead chew on the stem of the vine, thus killing the whole plant.      In much the same way it is the little things which can hurt a relationship, and in reverse little things can have a huge positive impact when done regularly. Pull our her chair at the table, hold a door for her, open her car door, or go get her another glass of what ever she is drinking. These are all small, simple things, but done regularly they will seem like a lot, and they will make her feel very loved and cared for. Thursday, 13 September, 2001 - Without asking .....      Is there something she is forever reminding you of? Is it because she is a nag, or is it because you just don't do whatever until or unless she asks you to?      Make a commitment to yourself to take care of that thing regularly, and BEFORE she ever asks. Consider it a gift to her, to show how much you love her. If you don't do things because you forget, find ways to remind yourself. Leave yourself notes, or put some object which reminds you of the chore where you will see it.      If there are a number of things which fit this category, work on them one at a time. When you have one down solid, then add another. Thursday, 20 September, 2001 - Can I help?      Jump in and help her when she is doing some chore around the house. You need to be sure you are not in the way or making it more work for her, so if you're not sure, ask her just how you can help. Something as simple as grabbing the trash bag as she pulls it out of the kitchen trash can and taking it to the outside trash for her will bless her. Thursday, 27 September, 2001 - open and shut      When is the last time you held a door for your wife, or opened and shut the car door for her? How about pulling our her chair or helping her with her coat?      All these things were common a half a century ago, but then the feminists made it down right unsafe to do these little things for many women. Truth is these acts were not an insult or put down, they were a sign of respect and love. Try it, she might like it! Thursday, 4 October, 2001 - Even in front of others      If acts of service are important to her, they aren't important just in private. So make a point of thinking about what you can do for her in front of friends and in public. Don't make a big show, and don't go over board; just offer to get her a drink or help her with something, or go do some needed parenting thing. Thursday, 11 October, 2001 - Don't sweat the big stuff.      Is there something your wife regularly buys that is big and/or bulky and/or heavy? Bottled water, big bags of dog food, industrial sized containers of laundry detergent? Make a point of getting those items for her. Don't wait for it to run out, keep an eye on it and buy a replacement before she goes shopping. Thursday, 18 October, 2001 - What a gas!      The first time my mother filled a gas tank was shortly after my dad died. She was certainly able to do it, but despite the fact that they had "his car" and a "family car", dad kept an eye on the gas and always filled the tank on the family car.      If you share a single car this is easy, if you don't it's a bit more work. Even if you don't make a special trip to fill get gas for "her car", be sure to take care of things like the oil and tires. It's not that she is unable, it's just a way of serving her. Thursday, 25 October, 2001 - Manual labor      There are some chores that just can't be done alone, and others that are a lot easier with two people. So, offer her a couple of hours of your time to do what ever she could use help with. Thursday, 1 November, 2001 - You light up her life      Who changes the light bulbs around your home? Make a point of doing it, and do it as soon as they burn out. Even if there's one or more bulbs still working in a fixture, change the burnt out one.      Bonus: The new screw-in florescent bulbs cost more up front, but they last longer and only use about one forth as much electricity for the same amount of light. Thursday, 8 November, 2001 - Stress relief      Look for something she does regularly that seems to result in a good deal of stress. Then find a way to make it easier: do it for her, help her, or run interference while she does it. Thursday, 15 November, 2001 - So that's what that basket is for!      The joke around here is that I don't even know where the clothes hamper is. Recently I have made a very real effort to use it all the time. If you are a socks-on-the-floor, or inside-out-shirt-in-the-basket kind of guy, decide to change. Sure she loves you anyway, but since you love her, do it the "right" way.      Bonus: Pick up her clothes, and don't make a big deal about it! Thursday, 22 November, 2001 - Don't be a turkey!      If Thanksgiving is at your house this year, it is a huge task for your wife to get it all together and make it work. By the time the dinner is over, she wants to just go soak in a hot tub and not even think about the kitchen.      Soooo, draw her a bath and do the clean up for her.      Bonus: Leave a card or note where she will find it after her bath. Tell her how thankful you are for having her as a wife.      Note: Those of you outside the USofA can save this for Christmas or another appropriate occasion. Thursday, 29 November, 2001 - If you want to help, DON'T HELP      As much as she needs and wants your help, there are situations when you can end up being more of a hindrance than a help. Sometimes it's because you are getting in her way, and sometimes it's because she knows how she wants it done and it's easier to do it than try and explain it to you. Learn when to graciously back out. If you ask if you can help and she says no, maybe she means it! Thursday, 6 December, 2001 - Christmas shopping and kids      If you have kids, there are two things you can do to bless her. 1) Arrange to keep the kids for several hours one day so she can go shopping without them. 2) Take the kids shopping. Buy for mom, of course, but also help them with any other gifts they may need to buy. Thursday, 13 December, 2001 - This coupon good for ........      Give her some coupons good for various tasks that you procrastinate about doing, or things she normally does that you could do for her. Then be serious about doing what the coupon when she presents it to you. Maybe offer a 2 for 1 split if you say no!      If you are giving a number of coupons for the same thing, or several of a couple of things, you could replace the coupons with some sort of colored token - a chip or a fancy bead. Thursday, 20 December, 2001 - Stand up to family for her      When you get together with family for the holidays, keep an eye out for folks giving your wife a hard time. Around your family stand up to anyone (including your mother!) who is hassling her. Around her family be sure to support her and let it be know how much you love her and how wonderful she is as a wife and mother. Thursday, 27 December, 2001 - Comes the darkness ........      Dim light can be romantic and sexy, and it can be a lot less jarring if you need to find something in the middle of the night. So, install a dimmer control on a bed side lamp.      Fortunately you don't have to be a qualified electrician to do this job. Your local HomeDepot ® or other hardware store should have several dimmer controls that can easily be added to the cord of any incandescent lamp. Some controls require no wire stripping, and can be installed with nothing but scissors and a screw driver.      Bonus: Get a "dawn pink" bulb for the lamp. Physical Touch Friday July 20, 2001 - A hairy blessing      Brush her hair before she goes to bed. This can be very relaxing, and it's a great way to help her unwind. You can talk with her, or be quiet; do what you think will most bless her.  Have her sit, and stand or sit behind her (you can do this with both of you on the bed). If her hair is long brush from the top of the head to the ends, slowly. If her hair is short, use a brush with widely spaced, knobby "bristles" and give her a scalp massage as you go. Touch her face and shoulders from time to time as you work. Friday July 27, 2001 - strip to the ankles!      Anytime is a good time for a foot rub. Feet are often sore, and even if they're not, it just feels good to have them rubbed. If your wife tends towards ticklish, use a firm pressure and stay in contact with the skin rather than lifting your hands.      A lubricant is not essential, since the skin on the feet is fairly tough, but it can be very nice, and helpful. A lubricant can help reduce ticklishness, and it can make her feet softer. Buy a fancy foot cream, or use any hand lotion or baby oil.      Find a time to regularly rub her feet. If you watch TV together this is a great opportunity. It's also a nice way to relax at bed time. Friday August 3, 2001 - Touched by a diner      Make a point of touching her when you eat together. Brief contact with her hand, a touch of her face, and don't forget foot contact. This is especially good when you are eating out alone, but try to make it a regular part of every meal. Friday August 10, 2001 - I wanna hold your haaaaannnnd ....     It's so simple we forget it - holding hands; while you walk, sitting together on the couch, at a movie. Or get fancy, take her hand at stop lights, or when you kiss her hello or goodbye. Make a point of holding hands. Friday August 17, 2001 - A dicey way to touch     Get a die, or a pair of dice, and write up a code sheet for what each number means. For example: 1= a hug 2= a kiss 3= foot rub 4= back massage 5= face massage 6= hand massage     Leave the dice and the code sheet by the bed, or an end table near the couch, or anywhere else that seems appropriate. She may roll the die and receive the indicated touch whenever she likes.     If you use a pair of dice, some numbers will come up more often than others: 2 will roll 1 way (3%) 3 will roll 2 ways (5.5%) 4 will roll 3 ways (8%) 5 will roll 4 ways (11%) 6 will roll 5 ways (14%) 7 will roll 6 ways (16.5%) 8 will roll 5 ways (14%) 9 will roll 4 ways (11%) 10 will roll 3 ways (8%) 11 will roll 2 ways (5.5%) 12 will roll 1 ways (3%) Friday August 24, 2001 - a hug and a pat      Find a personal way to touch her. Nothing too explicit, but clearly something only done by lovers. A quick pat on the butt, or a gentle squeeze of her upper arm, for instance. As you pass her during the day, touch her, and just keep going. It's a silent "I love you". Friday September 7, 2001 - Be my snuggle bunny      Snuggling just feels good, especially to a lady. On the couch or in bed, fully clothed to completely naked, curl up as close as you can and hang on. Weave your arms and legs together.      Just make sure snuggling is not seen as nothing but a request for sex. It's natural for one to lead to the other, but if it seems you see snuggling as nothing but a way to have sex, it won't be as well received. And make a point of doing some serious snuggling AFTER sex, when it will be especially well received, and clearly will not be part of an "agenda". Friday, 14 September, 2001 - ..... I'll scratch yours.      A good long back scratch can be incredibly enjoyable and relaxing. When you are in bed get her to lie on her front, and begin a slow, gentle scratching of her back. Make sure you nails are not rough, and apply only moderate pressure. Keep going for a LONG time. Friday, 21 September, 2001 - Dress for bed? Why?      Sleep naked, and encourage her to do the same. Skin on skin feels nice, and you can snuggle up better before, during and after sleeping if you are both naked.      And as self defense, get her to wear socks if she has the wandering cold feet typical of many women. Friday, 28 September, 2001 - But no disco .....      Been dancing lately? You don't have to go somewhere to dance (especially if as a couple you have more than 2 left feet). Put on some music and dance around the living room or the bedroom. Another advantage to dancing at home is you can dance naked and not get arrested! Boogie down, dudes. ;-) Friday, 5 October, 2001 - Face time      The face is a very sensual place, with a lot of nerve endings. Take some time to slowly explore her face with you hands. Trace muscles and bones, outline her eyes and lips, explore her ears. Doing this while her head is in your lap is especially nice.      Then invite her to do the same to your face. Friday, 12 October, 2001 - Hands on touch.      Ever given a hand massage? Spend several minutes on each hand, stroking gently, firmly but carefully rubbing the muscles, and sliding your hand down her fingers. You can get away with this surprisingly intimate act just about anywhere. Try it at dinner (at home or out) or while waiting for a movie, a concert, or a game. Also great when you are watching TV together or laying in bed. Friday, 19 October, 2001 - [[[Hug]]]      If your wife is a touch person, you can't hug her too much or too long. Make a point of hugging, and make it a fully body, front to front contact hug, not the sideways squeeze you give the "huggers" at church.      Then don't be in a hurry to get away. If she loosens her grip to indicate you can stop, hold her at least a few more seconds. Friday, 26 October, 2001 - Touchably clean      Do you ever shower together? Is it just a sexual thing for you? Okay, your a guy, showering together is a sexual thing, but it can also be a great way to feed her touch hunger. Get a loofa or bath sponge and some "smelly" body wash, and wash her good. Spend extra time on her back and her legs. Finish off with some body splash, and dry her with a big, comfortable towel.      Bonus: have a towel in the dryer. When you are done washing her ask her to stay in the hot water while you run and get the towel. Wrap her in it's warmth and give her a long hug. Friday, 2 November, 2001 - Soft feet      Buy a fancy (and fragrant) foot lotion and put it in or on the night table. Every night rub the lotion into her feet after she gets into bed. Friday, 9 November, 2001 - Shoulder her discomfort      It's very common for a woman to carry tension in her neck and shoulders. When she is sitting, move behind her and rub her neck, shoulders, and upper back. Be firm but careful. Use your whole hands, not just fingers, and grasp and rub large areas so as not to pinch. Massage her till she is about to fall out of the chair, and you own her! ;-) Friday, 16 November, 2001 - Hands she WANTS to be touched by       If your hands are rough she may not enjoy you touching her with them. Despite being a landscaper my hands are not dangerous weapons. My secret is Corn Huskers ® lotion - a bottle in my truck, one by the bed, and one by the computer. A bit of work on your nails couldn't hurt either. Friday, 23 November, 2001 - Hey wife, what time is it?!       Set the alarm on your watch for a time when you are almost always with your wife. Each day when it goes off, stop what ever you are doing and give your wife a kiss. Don't tell her why, just let her figure it out.      Bonus: Kiss her in public too if the alarm goes off while you are out. Friday, 30 November, 2001 - Reach out and touch her >     When you walk past her, or she walks past you, reach out and touch her. Nothing fancy, just a brief physical contact. A pat, a stroke, a brush, anything to make contact. Friday, 7 December, 2001 - Gift wrap for those with more than 2 thumbs      Gift wrap can add a lot to a gift. It adds to the appeal and anticipation, and to a woman the fact that you wrapped it means "you care".      Unfortunately most women do not see the "charm" in Sunday comics and duct tape. If you never developed gift wrapping skills (I sure didn't) find other ways to make a gift look nice. Gift bags are great, just add a bit of tissue paper, tie a card on the handle, and you're set! You can also find printed gift boxes that look like wrapping paper - just add a stick on bow. Or make the wrapping part of the gift with a fancy box, bowl, or other container.      Finally you can get someone else to wrap it for you. Most malls have a wrapping station, and many individual stores do as well. Another option is to take all your gifts to a Mail Box Etc. ® or Postal Annex ® and have them gift wrap but not mail them. Friday, 14 December, 2001 - Rub her the right way      Buy (or make) a bottle of massage oil and give it to her as a gift. Of course the real gift is using it on her. From a quick back rub to a fl body massage, each application will bless her. Be on the look out for extra good times to massage her, such as physical pain, stress, and tiredness.      DIY Massage Oil: Most of what you can buy isn't very good; so you might want to make your own. I like the "feel" of 40 % walnut oil and 60% safflower oil, but any edible oil will work. You can play with the mix; some oils have more "drag" then others. Add a small amount of scented oil, I use peppermint essential oil (not extract) because it has a slight warming effect on the skin. A variety of essential oils are now available in many drug stores and grocery stores. Always test the mixed oil to make sure there is no allergic reaction. Store oil in the fridge, and float a small squeeze bottle of it in hot water to warm it for use. Friday, 21 December, 2001 - Kissing under the chili peppers      A friend of our hangs a decorative chili pepper ornament in a doorway - so we decided to kiss under it like mistletoe. Find some ornament to use this way, and hang it where your wife will be under it regularly. Friday, 28 December, 2001 - Folicle fondling      Give her a scalp massage. Stand or sit behind her, and place your hands on either side of her head with your fingers spread as if you were holding a basket ball with only your finger tips. Your thumbs should be on the back of her head, your pinkies over her ears Rub with your fingers as you slowly move your hands in small circles. Slowly rotate your hands so your thumbs are on top of her head, and your fingers are straddling her ears. Sexuality Saturday July 21, 2001 - Light up her sex life      Most women, even the few who could be on the cover of Cosmo, worry about the way they look, and this can interfere with their sexual freedom.  This is just one good reason to try some soft lighting.      You can now find colored light bulbs at the store, even at most grocery stores. GE makes a light pink bulb which has a nice soft color. Colored party bulbs are also available - red or yellow are the best for bedroom lighting.        Of course candles are always a good bet, and you can stir two senses at once with scented candles. Try a double or triple wick candle for a reasonable amount of light, or put several votive candles around the room, especially in front of mirrors. Be sure to put them on something safe, watch for flammable things nearby, and put them our before you fall asleep.      If you know which end of a screw drive to use, an excellent buy is a dimmer switch for a bed side lamp. Home Depot and other such places have dimmers that can easily be added to any lamp cord. Dimming a bulb not only provided softer light, it changes the color of the light in an inviting way. Saturday July 28, 2001 - Good clean sex      When was the last time you took a shower together? It's inherently sexual, and you can make it a great place for foreplay .... or even more.  Pick a time when she is not too tired, and keep an eye on her reactions as you go if this something new.      Start with a good washing. Have her face the spray of hot water while you stand behind her and slowly wash her back side with a lot more lather than you need. Start at the top and work down, spending extra time on her back and buttocks. When you get to her feet, have her turn around, and start back up the front side. Soap and female genitals are not a good mix, so just a hint and a mini shampoo of her pubic hair as you go past. Wash her breasts extra well and very slowly.      If you have a shower head that comes of the wall, you can have fun rinsing her off. A spray of warm water on her vulva can be arousing (or even lead to orgasm if she is so inclined and willing to instruct you), but don't set it to hard pulsating spray!      When she is rinsed off, put the shower head back and give her a long hug with her back to the warm water and her front to the warm you. When you step out of the shower get a towel and slowly dry her off. Next, follow your instincts. ;-)      And if she wants to wash you after you wash her, let her. Such a sacrifice! Saturday August 4, 2001 - Tell a new story      Ever write a sexual story for your wife; a story which "stars" the two of you? There are several good reasons to try it.      Leaving a story like this for you wife to read can be a great form of pre-foreplay. Or read it out loud to her in bed. Another advantage of story telling is that it's a safe way to explore things you have wondered about, but are unsure of yourself, or are worried she would react negatively to. If you have wondered what it would be like to try a certain position, try it in a story. If she says "I've thought about that", or "that might be fun" then you can discuss it from there. A story can also be a good way to tell her what you feel and think about when you make love with her; use it as a window into the inner workings of the man she loves.      As you write, be aware that she is a woman, and she does not think about sex in quite the same way you do. Don't run her over with a lot of explicit language and nonstop action. Describe the setting, the colors, the smells, the textures. Give the story some real emotional content, and don't end it the moment the sex is over. Write about the "after glow" too.      If she likes it, suggest she try her hand at writing one for you - who knows what you might learn then! Saturday August 11, 2001 - dancing hormones      Quick, what day of the month is it? No, not the month of August, I mean your wife's month - her monthly cycle. As your wife moves thru her cycle, a variety of hormones ebb and flow; and many of those hormones affect others, either raising or lowering them, or strengthening or weakening their affects. Aside from making her grumpy a few days each month, this "hormonal dance" has profound affects on her sexuality. Because every woman is somewhat different, you will need to study her to learn how her hormones affect her sexuality. Below are a few things to look for, to get you started. • Most women have their strongest sex drive just before they ovulate, at mid cycle. • Many women have a "receptive sex drive" before this time - they won't chase you, but they will enjoy being chased. • The type and duration of stimulation she wants/needs during foreplay can vary greatly. Same thing for intercourse. • There may be certain days (probably the week before ovulation) when it's easy for her to climax during intercourse, and other days (probably the week after ovulation) when it's difficult (or essentially impossible) for her to do so. • She may want or be able to have multiple orgasms only during a certain part of the month • She may be interested in receiving, or giving, certain kinds of stimulation at one time of the month, but not another     Surprisingly, many women are not aware of these things, and very few are fully aware of them. By studying her sexual reactions with her cycle in mind, you can learn how to use them to make sex much better for both of you. Saturday August 18, 2001 - Lovin' lips     Most of us male types have no idea how important kissing it to women. Kissing in general is appreciated, and kissing as a part of sex is vital. And there is a good biological reason why women get so turned on by kissing. Pheromones, which we like to call "airborne hormones", affect an organ inside the nose. You don't smell pheromones, but inhaling them can have powerful affects on your body. For some reason women are far more affected by pheromones than men, and kissing just happens to be a great way to give her a good dose of your own personal pheromones. And that gets her going!     There are probably other factors, including emotional ones, but the fact is kissing is the most universally affective form of foreplay for women. So spend more time kissing! Kiss her all day long, and kiss her when you start to make love to her. Then keep kissing her, even as you move on to more sexual (to you) things. Learn how she likes to be kissed, and give her all she wants. Saturday August 25, 2001- honey, you are so ... zzzzzzz      Think "after glow" is something made up by women to confuse men? Nope, it was God's idea. Sex releases a lot of chemicals into our bodies and brains, and those chemicals make women feel very warm, open and vulnerable. The same chemicals may also make a man feel so relaxed he drifts off to sleep, which is not what a woman feeling warm, open and vulnerable is looking for. So before you snore, snuggle up close and tell her how special she is, and how blessed you are she is your wife. Saturday September 8, 2001 - Tell her like it's going to be      Send her card, or an e-mail, or leave her a note, telling her just exactly what you are going to do the next time you make love with her. Be sensitive to what words she likes and does not like, and how forceful she likes you to be, but don't be vague. Then follow thru!      As with many things sexual, women vary greatly in how they respond to this. Some will get absolutely crazy with desire, while others will not seemingly be affected at all. Your wife's response may surprise you, so the only way to know is to try. Of course some women may be offended by this, so be thoughtful, and maybe test the waters with a few words of what you intend to do as you start to make love sometime. Saturday, 15 September, 2001 - Get grounded.      If you have sex in the "missionary position", you can make it easier, more comfortable, and possibly much better for both of you, by making sure your feet are against something solid. This will make it easier on your arms, allow you to put less weight on her, and put you in a position which should feel a bit better to her and allow you to last longer.      If your bed does not have a footboard, try putting the pillows at the other end of the bed, and put your feet against the headboard or the wall. Saturday, 22 September, 2001 - Sound off!      You ever suspect your wife is holding back vocally during sex? Certainly not all women are "screamers" but a certain amount of noise is a normal part of sex, and few women are completely quite just because that's how they're wired. Often silence is because she thinks "nice girls don't do that", or because she is afraid of what you would think if she made noise. Or maybe she is afraid the kids will hear.      One way to coax her to worry about noise less, without even mentioning it, is to provide background noise so she won't be self conscious of every heavy breath. Music is one time tested way to go. Consider the beat and tempo (don't want to put anyone to sleep). Instrumentals are good, or you can go with a sounds of nature track. If kids are the issue, you can play the music in your room, in their rooms (young children) or in the living room if it's between you and them. Another option is to run just the fan on the central air/heat, creating a nice white noise.      Even if this doesn't result in more noise, both of you may feel a bit more free if you don't have any concern about being overheard. Saturday, 29 September, 2001 - Talking, the other kind of intercourse      A lot of couples, even couples with pretty good sex lives, just don't talk about sex. This can cause a variety of problems, and can result in both husband and wife being frustrated.      Sometimes couples don't talk about sex because they think Christians shouldn't talk about such things. Another reason for silence is fear of what one's spouse might think about what we say. Once when my wife and I were ministering to a couple, he confided to me that he wanted to try other positions, but knew she would be unwilling. Meanwhile his wife was telling my wife that she wanted to try other positions, but knew he was opposed to it. What might you and your wife both want, but be afraid the other would reject?      It's usually best to discuss sex some time other then when you are making love or are about to make love. Afterwards works for some, not for others. Go slow, give each other room, and be willing to give each other time to mull over what's said before commenting on it. Saturday, 6 October, 2001 - Fiveplay, sixplay, sevenplay ....      Since most men are ready for sex, both physically and mentally, much faster then most women, it's easy to see foreplay as some necessary thing we have to get out of the way before the "real thing". Even if you never voice it, your eagerness to get past foreplay may be on your wife's mind, and it may be actually slowing her down.      So, if you usually start intercourse based on some unspoken signal, try ignoring the signal and keep going with foreplay. Make her ask you to move to intercourse. Or, if she verbally gives you the go-a-head, just ignore it, or ask if you can touch her a bit longer before you start intercourse.      She will probably enjoy the prolonged foreplay, but showing her you are not in a hurry can have a much stronger and more permanent affect. Many women worry that they "take too long", and some will urge hubby to move to intercourse not because they feel they are ready, but because they are worried that he is bored or upset about how long it's taking. Removing this fear from her mind will greatly benefit both of you. Saturday, 13 October, 2001 - Nudity optional      Have sex without removing underwear - yours or hers, including bra. Foreplay must be accomplished thru the underwear, and you move things aside, not off, for intercourse.      Aside from possibly being fun or even exciting, this "exercise" forces you to think a bit differently. Many of the ways you usually go about sex won't work, and you won't be able to just default to auto pilot. If you pay attention, you should learn something about each other.      Bonus: Can you give her an orgasm while she if fully dressed, without reaching under any clothing? If you understand her body it's not that difficult. Saturday, 20 October, 2001 - Hints are for guessing games      Hints are not good sexual communication!! Too often hints lead to hurt feelings because the person on the receiving end either misses or misinterprets the hints. For example a man may think he is being very clear about his desire to have sex, while his wife is clueless - then he is mad that she didn't "say yes", and she is confused about why he is upset.      Also be clear about what you want, and how you want it. If you hide your desires in lots of words or unclear communication, she might not be able to do what you want no matter how much she would like to. Saturday, 27 October, 2001 - TAKE ME!      The reason bodice ripper romances are so popular is most women like to be "taken" sexually. Not raped, but urgently taken by a man who just has to have them NOW!      Of course that's not politically correct, and it may be a problem for a woman with sexual or physical abuse in her past, but the reality is most women enjoy being desired in a way that leads to being taken.      If you're not sure, talk to her about it. Start small and work up if you need to. A few torn blouse buttons or tearing off her panties may have a major impact on her. Then if you think she is ready for it, go all the way: don't focus on her and her needs, just do what you feel and go for it. Let her enjoy you being yourself as you enjoy her. Afterwards you can do what ever she needs. Saturday, 3 November, 2001 - Head over heels?      Have you ever tired a new position? Think she won't go for it? You could be wrong. Once a husband was telling me he wanted to try something different but knew his wife would never go for it, while his wife was telling my wife she wanted to try other positions but knew he would think it was wrong.      No need for acrobatics, just try something like her on top or rear entry (doggy style). If you want to get a bit more adventuresome try sex in a chair (male sitting, with wife in his lap either facing him or facing away), laying her on a table with him standing, of rear entry with both of you standing. Saturday, 10 November, 2001 - Be a tease      One way to increase her pleasure during sex is to take her close to climax, then back off just a bit. Each time you get her close to climax, the peak will be a bit higher, and the final orgasm should be very good for her. This is a lot easier to do when you are using your hands or your mouth, but if you have good control you can do it during intercourse too.      Some women enjoy this more than others, and some may be frustrated by it, especially if you do it too may times. So try it just a few times at first, and see how she likes it. Saturday, 17 November, 2001 - No burlap!!       Sex can be a bit messy (if it's not, you may not be doing it right ;-) . Make clean up easy, and show her you think of her, by buying some nice terry cloth hand towels to be kept in the night table drawer just for clean up.      Bonus: Buy colors that coordinate with the colors in the bedroom. Saturday, 24 November, 2001 - Goose bumps are not sexy       Having sex under a big pile of blankets may be your thing, but if it's not, cold weather can interfere with your normal sexual activities. Warming the whole house just so you can actually see each others bodies during sex is not a great idea money wise, and it would mean having to get up and turn down the thermostat after your done. Instead, get a small electric heater for the bedroom. With the house unit keeping the temperature reasonable, it will only take a bit of time and a bit of electricity to get your bedroom nice and toasty.      (For those of you south of the equator, where it's getting warm, a ceiling fan can cool a bedroom inexpensively). Saturday, 1 December, 2001 - A sexy mouth      Interested in trying oral sex on her, but not sure how she will deal with it? Step 1) Start by discussing it when you are not about to have sex. Make sure she does not think it's wrong or gross. Step 2) While having sex, give her a few kisses on the genitals. No tongue, no lingering, just kiss her and go on. And don't ask her immediately how she liked it! Step 3) On another occasion, try something a bit more stimulating, and for a bit longer time, as part of foreplay. Again, do it a bit, then move on. Step 4) Talk again, when sex is not imminent, and see how she is feeling about it. See if she would like more oral sex in foreplay, or if she is interested in having an orgasm that way.      Bonus: She might say "How would you feel if I did it to you?" Saturday, 8 December, 2001 - Gifts for a very good girl      Get your wife a private Christmas stocking, and put it on her pillow Christmas eve or night.      What you put in the stocking depends on what she can handle. Perfume, lotion, emery boards, and slipper socks are pretty safe for everyone. If she will be blessed by it, spice things up with some sexy lingerie, flavored oils, or even a "sex toy".      Bonus: See if you can find or make a stocking which is classy, sensuous or down right sexy. Black velvet with her name in gold glitter for example! Saturday, 15 December, 2001 - More fore      Because they are painfully aware that they are slower to "get going" sexually, a lot of women feel they have to get through foreplay to intercourse as fast as possible. This may be true of your wife even if you have never expressed any impatience or tried to rush her in any way.      So try extending foreplay. Don't act on her first hint that she is "ready". If she says something, let her know you will move to intercourse if that's what she wants, but would enjoy seeing what it would be like to slow things down a bit. Even if she is able to make due with shorter foreplay than she might like, she will probably enjoy taking more time, and she may also enjoy intercourse more as a result. Also, slow prolonged foreplay can result in a much stronger climax than she would otherwise have. Saturday, 22 December, 2001 - How much is enough?      One of the most common sexual "problems" is that husband and wife can have very different sex drives. Part of the problem is thinking of sex as only intercourse. Intercourse is great, but there are other ways to be sexual together that can result in pleasure for both of you, and release for the one with the stronger drive. Manual or oral sex can be very pleasurable, and it's not as much effort for the person who is not feeling sexual desire. Talk about it some time when you are not about to have or trying to have sex. Discuss the situation and talk about ways of meeting the needs of both people.      By the way, while it's not as common, there are couples where the woman has a stronger drive than the man. If this is the case for you, make a commitment to give your wife everything she wants, even if there are times when it's "just for her". Saturday, 29 December, 2001 - Foreplay overload      Get a couple of items to touch/rub all over her body. A feather, a soft paint brush, a piece of fur or velvet, a silk scarf.      Start with her laying naked on the bed, face down. Use each item in turn, slowly touching her entire back sided with each one. Be careful not to tickle.      Then have her roll over and do the same on her front side. Pay extra attention to her face and breasts, but give her genitals only the briefest touch as you go past.      By the time you are finished she may already be highly aroused. Now it's time to zero in on her sex organs. Part her legs a bit more, if needed, and pick an item to use there. A paint brush with a lot of bristles ending in a point is excellent. Stimulate her with only the item, first on the labia, then focusing on the clitoris. Add a bit of lubricant (what ever you use if you have some - baby oil is good if you don't use condoms of a diaphragm for BC) to make it even nicer. If she seems like she could orgasm from this, and you don't think she would mind doing so, go for it. Other wise move to intercourse shortly before she loses her mind.      Bonus: If she is okay with it, the experience will be even better for her if she is blindfolded. Alternately, use very low light, such as a candle. Home This site created and maintained by Paul Byerly. Copyright © 2001 - 2007 All Rights Reserved. The Generous Husband is made possible by help from Marriage Bed, Inc., a donation supported ministry.