May 13, 2009

A little bit about me –

Location, location, location: I was born in Wyoming. My parents moved a number of times my first four years – always taking me with them. Ended up in the Republic of Texas, and spent the next 41 years there. (The Israelites only had to do 40 years in the desert, guess I was a tough case!). November of 2006 we moved to a town outside of Salem Oregon. July of 2009 we moved even further north, then a year later bought a home north of Spokane, WA. Now we are talking about getting an RV and doing full time ministry on the road. See you in 2015!

personal photo

Paul & Lori – January 28, 2005

Marriage: I had better be! Married on Sunday January 28th of 1985. Found out later there were bets on how long it would last. If it were not for God, it would not have. We had problems right off because I was a former porn user, and she was a former sexual abuse victim. Initially things were great aside from sex, but the problems in the bedroom didn’t stay there. After two years of marriage it was getting ugly. We decided to do whatever it took to get it right. Along the way we found out our problems were more than just sexual. A great deal of study, struggle, prayer, and healing later we have the most incredible marriage ever – in and out of the bedroom!

History with God: Both Lori and I were “raised in church”, with parents who were in leadership. As we got older, we did the same, leading youth groups (Paul), women’s ministry (Lori), and a singles group (both). We also served in music ministry, landscape care, and anything else anyone wanted done. However, there was a growing dissatisfaction over the lack of community and fellowship we found in the churches we attended. We wanted more contact, and we wanted to study in depth with others. In 1999 we stumbled on “house church” – small groups meeting in homes to love, serve, share, and study together. In a few months, we knew people in our home church network better than folks we have attended church with for years. We became all about house church, but we had friends and connections with “traditional churches”. In the spring of 2010 we became involved with a church I would call a hybrid. Our church has a Sunday morning meeting and a paid pastor, but we also have life groups that become family. We have fallen deeply in love with the Vine and its people. We remain active in house church both locally and through our job.

Christian?: Yes, but it’s not a word I often use to describe myself. The majority of the people in the USofA identify themselves as “Christian” and yet live as if they have never read the Bible. My goal is to follow the example of Jesus – see what God is doing, and do that. I am serious about Jesus, and about what the Bible says.

Offspring: We have two children – a thirty something daughter from Lori’s former marriage, and a twenty something son. The daughter still lives in Texas with our first two grandchildren (one of each); the son lives with near us with his bride and baby boy. Yes, it is awesome to have grown children and an empty nest! 

Employment: We are self-employed ministers (ordained, but don’t tell anyone). We live on donations made to support what we do through The Marriage BedThe Generous Husband, and The Generous Wife and The XY Code. In Jan 2015 we will finished nine years with House2House ministries. In Texas we owned a small landscape and irrigation company for fifteen years. Other employment includes managing a Christian bookstore, Cabinet maker/woodworker, lifeguard, security guard, and various jobs with several newspapers ranging from carrier and rack runner to mid-level management in distribution.

What I do for fun: Hang out with my wife! Anything I do with her is fun. I enjoy Science Fiction, travelling, cruising (three so far, the picture above is from our first) gardening (strawberries, raspberries, cherries, apples, peaches, plums, rhubarb, asparagus, tomatoes, lettuce, onions, carrots, cantaloupe, squash), going to the beach (which is now too far away), and finding the best bowl of clam chowder in the world (the current champ is The Chowder Bowl in Depoe Bay, OR.).

What I read: Science in general, human biology in particular, and anything about the brain or sexuality in particular. I also like books about how humans think and see things, and books that challenge me to grow in the Lord. And of course, a lot of marriage books and blogs! 

What I eat: I’m not picky, but I particularly like TexMex (which you can’t get outside of Texas, although we have found a close approximation in Spokane), Indian food (or any curry) and seafood. I’m big on chocolate – the dark stuff, not the adulterated version. I do a good deal of cooking and baking around here (including TexMex as it is the only way to get it here) and make a mean cheesecake.



The Generous Husband
The Generous Husband

@Mary - Getting someone else to change is always iffy. Your best bet is to be honest with him about how you feel you made a mistake, let him know what you want, and then do all you can to show him a changed you that is what he wants. You have my prayers.


So, I am a 27 year old divorced woman--Initially I thought that a divorce would "help" make things between my husband and I, that it would somehow "fix" things. It made things way worse--I lost my baby daughter and the love of my husband. When I changed my mind on the divorce, my husband had a heart change toward me, and went through with it. You said you both worked really ex and I did not--but do you think it is possible to reconcile and be a family again? If it is, HOW?


  1. […] Paul Byerly of The Generous Husband sheds light today on the reasons we need to hold up any of our beliefs about sex against what the Bible really says.  […]

  2. […] Sheila Gregoire of To Love Honor and Vacuum tackles this topic today to help all of us (particularly us women!) gain a healthier perspective on not letting sex suffer. […]

  3. […] all honesty, I am super excited I recently had lunch with Paul and Lori, who were on their way through Nebraska as full-time RV […]