This is great stuff. I even tried it once but she would never give me access to her privates so it basically had to stay platonic. Maybe someday she'll relax enough.
Upfront warning – this is one some should skip!
Yes, you can massage her to orgasm – if you massage the right places the right way. This is NOT just a “hand job” – it’s a sexual massage resulting in climax, but it will also give plenty of pleasure along the way. This is something you do for her, to make her feel loved and sexually pampered. Take your time, draw it out, overwhelm her with sensuality and pleasure.
To make this work you need:
- An hour of time when neither of you is too tired. A bit less for some women, a bit more for others. Give yourself extra time until you know.
- Privacy. A knock on the door will kill the mood, and a ringing phone or doorbell won’t be much better. She needs to be all alone with you in every way.
- Comfort. A warm room and a comfortable place for her to recline. Low lighting, candles, and some way of scenting the room are all nice touches. Soft instrumental music is also good, as long as it does not takes her mind away from what you are doing for her. Be sure the music loops or the playlist is long enough for the whole time.
- The ability to be quiet. Talking will keep her from being fully focused on what you are doing. Let her know she is free to talk, but you will not initiate conversation to allow her to focus. Also let her know she is encouraged to give you feed back or suggest ways you can better pleasure her.
- The ability to ignore your growing desire until she is finished. This is about her and her pleasure. You get (and will need!) a quickie or whatever she would like to offer you after she climaxes and comes down, but it is neither the point nor the goal.
- A good lubricant. Something that won’t get sticky – silicone or grape seed oil are very good. Placing the bottle of lube in a container of hot water will keep it warm.
- Well trimmed nails and soft hands.
- Towels. A large towel under her body. Be sure to cover all sheets. You may need an extra hand towel under her rear. Also, have a couple of small towels to clean her up after. (Having to get up to shower may interfere with her relaxation.)
- A willingness to wash, dry, and replace the sheets the next day if needed.
A nice long hot bath or shower is a good way to start, to get her relaxed. A bit of non-sexual warm-up massage is good, and often necessary. If she has any sore places work them first, then move to a light touch that does not cause any discomfort. Stroking the face is intimate and relaxing, and a good place to warm her up for what comes next.
For the sexual part of the massage, place her on her back. Her legs should be apart, knees bent, and rolled out at the hips. A pillow or two under each knee (with a towel over them) will hold her legs in place so they don’t get tired.
- Start with her breasts, using a good amount of lubricant. If the lube is not warm, apply it to your hands first to warm it. Use the palms of your hands, moving in large motions. Do the same thing to each breast at the same time, then use both hands on one, then the other. Your touch should be soft, don’t apply too much pressure. Do the nipples last, and don’t do too much on them. Finish the breasts with more full breast strokes before you move to her vulva.
- Sit or kneel between her legs. DO NOT hurry for her clitoris. This is not about getting her to climax as fast as possible; it’s about giving her a great deal of pleasure. You don’t want to even indirectly stimulate her clitoris for AT LEAST the first five minutes.
- Start on her inner thighs. Use plenty of lube and run your hands up and down the inside of her legs from about halfway to the knee and up. Initially don’t go past the crease where her legs join her body. Gradually start to trace the crease, and very slowly move your hands in closer and closer to her vulva until you are brushing her outer labia. Apply oil to her outer labia now, and spread it around without moving past the outer lips for a while.
- Apply some lubricant at the top of her vulva and allow it to run down. Use your hand to keep it from going too far, gently moving it back up with a light touch. Now focus on the outer lips for a while. Massage each one in turn with both hands, taking the labia between thumb and fingers as you gently work up and down the lip. Next place one hand on each labia, covering each but leaving the inner labia alone. Press in slowly but firmly. Move your hands up and down together, in the opposite direction, in circles together, and circles in opposite directions. Sometimes hold firmly enough the labia move with your hands, and then slip out. Other times, hold lightly enough you slide over the labia.
- Apply more lube, and place a palm over her entire vulva. As above, apply pressure slowly. Move in various ways, moving the flesh of her vulva as you go. Make your touch feather light so you move over her skin, then back to a firmer touch. Take your time; go slow.
- Move to her inner labia. Stoke, pull(not too hard) outward and downward, and rub.
- Move both hands over her entire vulva, one after the other. Go downward for a while, then upward (with the backs of your hands) then up and down. Hold her inner labia between a thumb and forefinger and move and pull them in and out, up and down, left and right, and in circles.
- Place two fingers either side of her clitoris, far enough apart to be on the outer labia. Press in, causing the labia and the clitoris to move up between your fingers. Vary the separation of your fingers, force used, and speed, watching how each affects her.
- As above, but press in then make small circles with your hand.
- With one finger or your thumb, very gently push the clitoral hood upwards toward her belly button, exposing the clitoris. Some women can handle light, direct touch of the clitoris when they are highly aroused, many woman cannot.
- Move the hood up and down over the clitoris, using it to simulate her.
- Place a finger over the clitoris, press in, and move. Vary speed, pressure, and movements. If her clitoris is firm, you can bump over it from side to side.
- Move inside. Insert one finger S L O W L Y. Move around the vagina, pressing firmly.
- Move your finger in and out. Add a second, and maybe a third finger. Continue to massage the clitoris with the other hand.
- Press on various parts of the vagina. Find what she likes.
- Massage the G-spot, which is on the upper wall of the vagina. With the palm of your hand up, curl the one or two fingers inside. As you stimulate it, the G-spot may become more firm or pronounced. Pressure is better than movement for most women.
- Find what makes her feel good, and keep doing them. Don’t hurry, the longer it takes her to get there, the better it will be for her. If she gives any feedback be sure to follow it. Also look for signs from her body that what you’re doing is good, or not, or maybe too stimulating.
- If she pleads for you to finish her, do so. Some women will lose the edge if they are held there too long, and others will become so frustrated they either don’t climax, or don’t enjoy it as much as they could.
- If you know from experience she is unlikely to climax from your hands alone, you can have a vibrator handy – but don’t be surprised if slow focused attention takes her places she had never been before.
When she climaxes, snuggle up to her and hold her close. Set your arousal aside for a few minutes so she can enjoy the afterglow and feel close to you.
I'm not a Christian, though I may celebrate xmass and easter for the heck of it and I would find Jesus a cool buddy. I have a bad taste for labels and boxes and doctrines and authorities telling you how to breathe and failing at that anyway. Christian folk has high time to move on, go beyond their prejudgmental, prudent, superficial, limited view of life. Go deeper guys, allow God's glory to show you... Heaven is on earth in our hearts if we can find it! Sin and punishment is just a necessary lesson. The freakin tree was in the garden for a reason!
Wow, To equate simple instruction on how to pleasure your wife, which is, by the way what God intended as erotic literature????? From a medical and Scientific standpoint, there is no physiological reason for a women to have a clitoris. God has designed it to provide pleasure for a women in Holy matrimony with her husband....Strengthening a bond with her husband and making Satans job much harder to break the union. Pleasuring your wife is God's plan! Learning HOW is God's plan.
in response to the comments, criticism & judgments posted by tks: how exactly can you claim to define anything as Godly or UnGodly? Exactly what percent is the sum total of all of your knowledge about everything you claim to "know", compared to the total of all recorded knowledge in the history of human beings?? And what percentage is that knowledge as compared to all the unknown knowledge in the infinite universes??? all of what you think, or i think is "the truth", is infinitesimally insignificant compared to everything we do not know!!! so what purpose does your criticism really serve? Why not keep an open mind and an open heart? BTW, this isn't my advice, it was originally written by Meister Eckhart, one of the great mystics of the Catholic Church, in a poem called "How Then Can We Argue" and in the advice of another great teacher (Jiddu Krishnamurti), why not practice the art of listening with an "intention of understanding", rather than a place of judgement, which stifles you, more than it does others...
I understand that. A Christian person should be able to filtrate all medical and psychological advices regarding sex with the Christian set of values and principles - as he does with everything in life. We know watching porn is sin. But to be that explicit - it is an erotic graphic you're drawing here - I am sorry, I don't find it godly (even with the good intention at heart) or common sensed of appropriate or even necessary (as I said, some things need to be intimate). I would suggest to explain the principle, and let the specific intimate application to the spouses themselves. You cannot possibly do more. tks
E - While communication and relational issues are significant, physical problems are also very common. Yes, there are a lot of places to get advice on the physical, but the vast majority include a lot of ungodly advice - such as "watch porn". My desire here is to offer an alternative that does not include sinful suggestions.
Well...I appreciate the good intention coming from you to help.....But it is indeed necessary to be THAT explicit? I mean, I cannot imagine people not knowing how to experiment touching their wives. If they communicate (and they have to, even if the man follows your guidelines here!), I don't see the need for this explicit lesson. I think it is fine to discuss some things about sex - in christian marriage. But I do find, out of the common sense, that some intimate things that happen in marriage remain intimate. I mean..do you speak about or show your dirty underwear to anyone? I think the main problem with Christian sexuality in marriage is not the physical (or if it is, they can get medical and psychological advices) but with communication and other fundamental relational issues (an attitude of love and service, putting the other first etc). Just to think about it...
Thank you, thank you, thank you! After 17 years of wonderful marriage in every aspect except the bedroom (I always enjoyed the closeness but never had an orgasm), my husband and I tried this massage (along with the full body massage you also posted) and I had an orgasm for the very first time!! I think the biggest problem before was my inability/unwillingness to tell my husband what felt good, etc. and just let go and let it happen. My husband and I exchanged massages and we had a wonderful 2 hours together! I should add that a large part of our success was that I bathed the matter in prayer for a day or so before we had our "appointment" -- it's so wonderful to have a Lord who is there for us and happy to listen even to our deepest most personal requests. Again, thank you and Praise the Lord!
I have been doing this for my wife for several years. I always start with her back and give her a head ot toe massage first, then have her roll over. Coconut oil works great, but must be warmed first. She usually is begging me to get inside her, but I always try to finish her by hand or vib first, I want this to be all about her. After we snuggle for a while, I do a quicky (usually doesn't take me long!). Unfortunately, she almost never reciprocates, but that is ok, I love giving.
I mean I enjoyed the article and if you don't like it, let me enjoy it or you'll burn in hell (not)...
@Becky - Thanks for the note - AWESOME. I think it's so important for couples to know it's "never to late" for things to change. This is especially true for those of us who follow the Lord!