What Wives Want Their Husbands to Know

March 23, 2014

  • http://xfinitytv.comcast.net/watch/The-Dick-Van-Dyke-Show/6677903039746538112/95154243678/My-Blonde-Haired-Brunette/videos I love this episode. I want to look good for my husband but I have to admit I don’t put as much work or worry into it as Laura does. This does show how a husband can really miss this quality in a wife.
  • — Controlling me makes me feel like you don’t believe in me –Why does everything have to be the way you want it? –Correcting everything I do makes me feel you believe I can not do anything right. –Telling me I don’t earn enough money tells me all you want is money –Why is it more important to help other people before you help me? — Why is it easier to say no to me and yes to someone else? –Telling me you do not want me to touch you tells me you don’t want me
  • That a woman needs foreplay. A lot of men are not experienced in various forms of foreplay. Foreplay in the bedroom is really easy such as kissing touching, rubing, caressing, massages etc. but let’s be honest most men do not spend enough time with foreplay in the bedroom. It is because most men are ready to go on the spot. It has be scientificly proven that women need 30 – 45 minutes of foreplay to be physically emotionally and mentally ready to go. Let’s be honest, most men will do a little foreplay but very seldom 30 – 45 minutes of foreplay happens in the bedroom. So, how can the wife get what she needs and wants and the husband get what he needs and wants? The husband could spark and build the foreplay with his wife without even having to be in the same room. Heck, he can spark foreplay with his wife and he doesn’t even have to be home. This is one of the best examples of how to give your wife the foreplay she wants and needs. Then she will be able to give you the husband want you want and need. TEXT MESSAGE FOREPLAY!!!! Husband ‘s send your wife text messages throughout the day. You don’t want to do this everyday or the same day every time. Keep the mystery and excitement. The key to this type of foreplay is when to send these text messages and what to say / text. Example: The first text could be in the morning as you are warming up your car to go to work and text something like, “It was so hard getting out of bed this morning, watching you lay there like the beautiful sexy goddess you are. I just wanted to lay down with you and hold you close to me. I can’t wait until I am able to come back home, home to you and hold you in my arms sweetheart. I Love You.” Second text of the day should be sent mid-day and could be something like: ” I have been thinking about you all day. I only have 4 more hours and then I will be on my way home to You. I can’t wait to wrap my arms around you and gently push you up against the wall a give you a very long passionate kiss then I will slowly work my way down to your soft sexy neck giving you soft tender kisses and work my way up to your ears where I can nibble softly on your earlobe and whisper sweet nothings into your ears sweetheart. I love you so much. Just remember only 4 more hours and I will be there. Until then my love.” Then about 1 hour before you get off work, you could send her another text. Example: “Oh My Gosh will this day never end? I can’t wait to get home to you. To hold you in my arms and give you a long passionate kiss while I hold you and run my hands and fingers up and down your long sexy thighs and up to your hips reaching your waist and pulling you closer into me for more passionate kissing as the fire of my passion burns us both!!! You are my desire!! Remember sweetheart, just 1 more hour and I will be on my way home, to you.” Then as the husbands work day ends and he gets into his car, he sends the last text. Example : “Finally sweetheart this long day is over. It has been torture being away from you. You are the most beautiful woman in the world. You are truly the Goddess of Passion, Love and Beauty. I am the luckiest man in the world because I get to come home to you every night. I am getting ready to come home to you now. I can’t wait to hold you in my arms kiss your delicious lips as I explore every inch of your body. Then I will look deep Into your eyes and you will feel the burning desire I have for you. Then I will give you the longest most passionate kiss ever. Just remember sweetheart it won’t be long and I will be there with you, the woman of my dreams, the love of my life, my wife.” By the time the husband walks in the door, the wife is going to be dragging him into the bedroom. She has been receiving foreplay from her husband all day long so she is ready to go… The husband is ready to go.. It is a win win for both the husband and wife…..
  • That while I understand his desire to play in the entirely playground, certain acts upset me and I cannot go as far as he would like.
  • If only men would understand how much it means to a woman if they were willing to put themselves out there and look a little foolish… To show their love or affection for the woman they are with.
  • That what we’re REALLY arguing about when we argue about sex, is whether it’s a pre-requisite that I feel somewhat connected to you before we have sex. That when we have sex before I feel somewhat connected to you, I feel used — by a “stranger”. Sex without some feelings of connection prior, builds walls. The act of sex, does not foster authentic intimacy. That when I have a lack of desire, it’s not only my problem. It’s OUR problem, and we need to work together as a team to remedy the problem. Why would any woman NOT want to have deep, authentic intimacy with the man she married?! Why would she NOT want to have fun with him, and be free with him? Because her heart is hurting. That the best way to create feelings of connection (at least for me), is validation. Validation = acceptance. Invalidation = rejection. I guess sort of how men feel about sex. Make it a top priority to learn how to validate. That I love you. And more than anything, I want to feel loved and cared about by you. Most especially before we have sex. That demonstrating tenderness toward me is the biggest aphrodisiac there is. Makes me feel loved and cared about by you. Be tender with your words especially. But also tender with your touch. That being “romantic” isn’t about flowers and chocolate, but about being thoughtful.
  • Variety is nice
  • Just because we are married, he doesn’t have to stop trying to woo me. He needs to woo me because I feel used and taken for granted.
  • Don’t assume that women have lower sex drive. I cannot find proof for that in Bible nor anywhere else. It’s just that our sex drive is not separate from everything else that goes on in our lives…so we can have hard time trying to concentrate and fully enjoy the intimate physical moments. This is especially true if there have been disappointments in the past. We would like to enjoy (more) sex, but all the other thoughts, feelings and experiences don’t let our brain to fully engage for the physical pleasure. I think that when you, my husband, have ignored my desires concerning better and more satisfying love making in the past (perhaps you were unsure how to make it happen or hesitant to talk openly about it), it stops me to want to have (more) sex now. If you have problems sharing intimately with me, don’t make it into ‘she has low sex drive’ issue. I need to hear form your heart, your fears, hopes, failures, dreams and if I don’t, I cannot enjoy sex. There.
  • sometimes you just have to listen…with intent to listen not to fix. bringing dinner home is very sexy….it means i don’t have to cook and you are thinking about a responsiblity that i usually have. shower…shower…shower…if you smell i really don’t want to have sex with you…. i believe in you. you can do good. you can change into whatever you want. sometimes I want you. and you don’t read my signals and even when i flat out tell you i want you you “forget”. really?? think ahead. Then act. Don’t tell me about your “intentions” that are going unfulfilled. That thought you had about buying me flowers don’t tell me you thought of it but didn’t do it…all it does is make me realize I’m not that important to you.
  • I would like to be treated like a lady and have him open doors for me and help me put my coat on, etc… like when we were dating. Would like to hear how much he appreciates my efforts to improve our sex life and that he likes me being open to trying new things.
  • It’s okay to make a mistake, admit it and move on. Being defensive creates resentment.
  • I never have sex for the sake of my own orgasm. They are great when they happen, but they are not my primary goal. I MAKE LOVE to you and with you because I love you, I want to be and feel close to you, I want you to feel happy and loved. I want you to feel like the luckiest husband on the planet. The fact that I can’t or don’t have an orgasm regularly (due to my physical challenges) doesn’t make it duty sex. I enjoy the interaction in different ways and for different reasons than you do – AND THAT NEEDS TO BE OKAY WITH YOU!!!! ____________________________________ When we got married, I didn’t become your appendage. Even after 30 years, I’m still a separate, mindful, different being with different perceptions, ideas, challenges, and gifts, abilities and abilities different than yours. These are meant to bless us with balance and increased scope of ability and understanding as a couple. I love you the way you are. Please don’t insist that I have to be and think and react just like you do, to be appreciated and respected. ____________________________________ Men and women perceive things and interactions very differently sometimes. Just because you don’t see what I’m seeing and understanding, doesn’t mean what I’m seeing doesn’t exist. Ask questions to understand before you dismiss my interpretation. _____________________________________
  • Insecurity, unwarranted jealousy and passive aggressive behavior is wimpy and not at all manly
  • My most important need as a wife is to feel loved and cherished. When that need is met, I am more than willing to accommodate you in the bedroom. To heck with helping with the housework, show me some love! (Hugs, kisses, cuddling)
  • Even after all these years, I need you to woo me. You don’t have to wow me, just woo me. Small romantic gestures, words of reassurance, touches of affection, and loving gazes will do the trick. Like it or not, there will probably always be a smidgen of self-doubt inside me, and your constant display of love helps me tamp it down and feel secure in myself and in us.
  • Please tell me the truth, the complete truth. Don’t hide something thinking I’ll get mad or nag about it, but rather trust me to want the best for you and to understand you have needs and wants. Remember there’s another part to the Scripture about submitting. Please love me as Christ loves the church. In other words, please be willing to sacrifice for me. At times, you might need to do something that isn’t easy for you or that doesn’t feel good to you. It would mean the world to me, though, to know that you put my feelings and needs first sometimes. Don’t talk negatively about me to your friends. It does my heart good to think you are proud of me. Jokes at my expense aren’t funny to me and cause a long-lasting ache in my soul. Your opinion of me matters more than anything else. You are a man, so I understand you process problems and issues differently than I do. I get that you need some alone time to shut down for a while or to sort out a problem. However, please include me in those processes some, too; please don’t make me feel shut out of your heart and thoughts completely. Let’s pray together and read the Bible together. Spiritual intimacy is more important than sexual to me. Without the spiritual intimacy, we can’t connect at all. If you show your humility before God, I will respect you even more. When I respect you more, I can give myself to you and be more vulnerable with you. What I say isn’t always what I mean. Sometimes I say what I think you want to hear. “I’m fine” doesn’t always mean I’m fine. I know, I know. It’s bad. It’s how I am, though. You can’t read my mind, but I hope you can read my facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language enough to see through my attempts at covering my feelings. I want you to care enough to read between the lines. Also, if I say I don’t want an expensive gift, I kind of mean it and kind of don’t. Women are taught to believe we should take the smallest piece of pie. I don’t want to be selfish, and I don’t want the family to hurt so I can get something fancy. However, something special every so often would make my heart soar. Don’t ever say anything remotely
  • Please, please treat other women as sisters as the Bible states to do and STOP leering, oogling, and allowing your mind to wander in places it does NOT belong about them. We women are God’s daughters whether we know it or not. We are NOT your objects of lust. Stop the porn!
  • It doesn’t make him less of a man to have to ‘answer’ to his wife. As his partner i understand that my decisions, no matter how small effect him, therefore I know I have to answer to him. Thats what partnership is.
  • How to romance their wife if they are romantically “challenged”. Small suggestions on how to lead the family spiritually if it doesn’t come naturally. Ways to learn how to pray if no one has ever taught you. Encouragement to desire change and growth. That it doesn’t mean anything is “wrong” In order for us to want it to be better. Don’t be content with “average” or “mediocre”. Strive for great!
  • That if I don’t get complimented, flirted with, hugged, and touched MUCH more than you do now, I will readily accept it from other men, period. That goes for listening too.
  • Foreplay is essential don’t try and fix everything, just listening really helps Raising our children is really demanding and is a full time job You need to stand up for me and defend me
  • It helps us want to have sex more if you compliment us on how we do it. We want to feel appreciated for the effort we do put into it. Let us know that you want to make us feel good physically, just because you love us. Ask us what we want and don’t put pressure on us to want more or different things. Let us know often what you find attractive about us. It makes us more confident to give to you sexually.
  • Timing- Half 11 on a school night is a bad time to initiate sex as I am already asleep but 9 the same evening is a really good time for sex, 8 in the morning on a school day is also a bad time for sex as I have to get the kids to school by 8:45. Saturdays however 8 in the morning is a really good time as is 8:45, 9:30, ect.
  • That they are ruining our lives by watching too much porn
  • Actually, I wish I could get my husband to read The Generous Husband. I think he gets tired of hearing me talk about the XY Code. But if I ask him about what you say, he does always agree that what you say is right. so I thought I’d let you know. Tell husbands that we don’t mean to be annoying and moody. We don’t intend for him to feel like we prefer our women friends to him when we are concerned or sad or upset or have a problem. It’s just that our brains are different from theirs and sometimes other women are better equipped to truly hear us. But we still love our husband best.
  • – if you don’t answer the phone or call back then insecurity will creep in ——————————————– – Please don’t let things stay broken, if you can’t fix it, find someone who can ——————————————– – please help with chores without being asked ——————————————– – and yes, sometimes just hold me and show affection
  • Please stop speaking over me, interrupting me and finishing my thoughts for me. I know we have been married forever and you think you know what I mean or want to say, but it is rude and shows a lack of respect for my thoughts, feelings and point of view.
  • I think and process differently than he does. Please don’t belittle my way of thinking. It is valid and important to me. I can only remain unemotional in response to certain discussions for so long before I get too frustrated and unable to unemotionally respond. Please be accepting when I say I’ve reached this point and not demand more or get mad when I get emotional beyond this point. It is not fair to blame me for your being late to work. If you get the impression I don’t want you to leave, ask to verify it. Don’t assume I’ll be upset that you need to walk out the door. I understand your responsibilities and am willing to table discussions to another time. I don’t assume you’re cold-hearted if I’m upset when you leave. Sometimes space is good and healthy for processing! I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER! Just because she responds a certain way doesn’t mean I will. I’m your wife, your partner, your lover, your encourager. I don’t want to be a mother figure to you!!!!! My issues with her are not yours, and your issues with her are not mine.
  • Just because I don’t enjoy the same things in bed that you do does not mean I am not interested in sex. Forcing me, or bullying me, or manipulating me, to do what you want, does make me dread sex, though. I am a woman, and would like to be treated kindly, and spoken to kindly, and be treated as an equal. Please take responsibility for your actions and admit when you are wrong and ask forgiveness. By not doing so, and pretending that things never happened, cause me to lose respect and not know where I stand. If you blast me one day, then the next day are all over me with hugs, etc.,without apologizing for harsh words or actions, I become very confused and am not sure how to respond to either the good or the bad.
  • Every girls dreams of romance Noone is perfect
  • Just because I am different and don’t do things his way or always get the things done that he needs done, that does not mean I don’t love or respect him. Crying does not mean I’m trying to manipulate him, sometimes it means I am frustrated that I just can’t seem to get my point across to him in a way he can understand and sometimes it means he has hurt me – I’m not being manipulative.
  • Men, admit you’re daily sexual struggles with temptation to other men, meet regularly, confess, uplift, and pray for each other. Everyone walks around pretending life is good and marriages are perfectly stable but everyone knows they are not and they can only get closer by starting off with admitting we all need help.
  • After years of neglecting my sexual needs and using me, you can’t expect me to flip a switch and make my body “work” in bed. Even if you are doing everything right. I can’t help it. This doesn’t mean I don’t forgive you. I still expect to hear “this is taking too long” or feel you fall asleep beside me. I am trying to let my guard down, but it is incredibly difficult!
  • I would tell them that they hold themselves to a much higher standard than we do. I know you’re not perfect – neither am I. But don’t let your fear of failure keep you from even trying in the first place! It’s more important to try (to lead our family or express your emotions or show me love or whatever) as we walk this life together, rather than have things perfect.
  • Wives need romance. Not just thoughtfulness as in taking out the trash but sweet things that touch her heart and emotions. Unexpected things.
  • When you comment on another woman’s beauty, here is what goes through my mind: He finds her beautiful + I don’t look like her and never will = he doesn’t want me. Many times, intimacy for me is more about conversation than about sex. Share beyond facts and opinions; include feelings and fears. This helps me pray for you. Show respect by including me in major financial decisions.
  • I want him to want to be with him and not me chasing him all the time
  • Watch your tone of voice and facial expressions – I know I have to do this too, but if every time we talk your body language and tone communicate dissatisfaction to me, I begin to believe this rather than what you are saying. Be kind, and funny if it’s in you. This goes a long way in the face of every other challenge we all face. Slow down – women are not made like men, and sex would be alot more fun and easier if I didn’t feel like there was a pressure to “hurry up” (real or perceived).
  • That I want to be pursued

Similar to the husbands' comments you collected. Most are "I want...." statements rather than compliments or declarations of love and appreciation. Hmmmmm


This don't say anything about wife stopping sex and want out of marriage when he communicate anger with his job and never about her?