Second hand busyness

Busyness is a chronic problem in our society – and a huge cause of marital problems. If either you or your bride is too busy, it’s hurting both of you; and your marriage, and your sex life. Busyness leaves us drained, with no reserves, and neither the time nor the energy to be the spouse, parent, companion, or lover that we should be.

In some marriages busyness is fairly one sided – be it him or her. If you’re the only one who is too busy, then you can choose to make a change. Seek her help, and ask her to hold you accountable. If she is the only one who is too busy, you will have to convince her that it’s a problem, which won’t be easy. Watch her for a few weeks and make notes on the problems that come from her being too busy. Look especially for ways her being busy hurts her and your children. Then lovingly discuss the issue with her, setting out the facts and then giving her some time to think about it before pushing her to commit to changes.

In many marriages busyness is a way of life for both husband and wife. Again, spend some time looking for how this hurts each of you and your marriage, and then discuss it with your bride. Again, lay out the problem, including your part, and give her some time to think about it.

Regardless of who needs to change, brainstorm on what to changes to make and how to proceed. Work on things one at a time, with all the grace and patience you can muster. Move slowly – it’s taken you years to create the problem, and you won’t fix it in a few days.

One Comment on “Second hand busyness

  1. It would seem that this is a great opportunity to talk about sharing the jobs around the house which can also create that problem of busyness. If one spouse or the other is always busy with chores one way of lifting the burden of busyness is to lift some of the chores under which they labor.

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