Second hand betrayal
Betrayal is similar to anger, but less obvious and therefore even more insidious. If you hold on too feeling betrayed, you force those closest to you to make a choice – they must either join you, agree that someone wronged you, or they will be seen as siding with the other person. It’s “Love me, hate those I hate” and that’s just wrong. Our bitterness divides the world into those who are acceptable and those who are not, and we expect those who love us to agree with us on who is acceptable, on who is to be loved and trusted and who is not.
Another thing that we men seem to be good at is taking up the betrayal of our brides and making it our own. On the surface this seems right (I confess I have done it more than I want to admit) but what it really does is enables her to be like the person I described above. She feeds on your being offended for her, and that can become a viscous cycle that makes the whole thing bigger and more harmful.
Certainly you are to support her when she is wronged, but we must learn to do that in a Christ like way. Have you ever seen a movie where some man risks everything to right a wrong done against “his woman”? Sometimes the wrong is very minor and the “righting” requires the death of the one who committed the offence. Sometimes the man is on a vendetta for his own reasons, other times the woman spurs him on – “Defeat my honour – vanquish my foes!”
I doubt any of us has contemplated murder over an offence against our bride, but movies often tell us about the thought and feelings common to mankind. Can you, like I, see more of yourself in those movies than we should?