When you live in close contact with others (we are 5 in about 1000 sq foot for the last month) you see a lot of variations in what is important to folks. For example, I find it fascinating what we all “need” to have clean, and what is less critical for us. I’m not talking about neat versus messy – rather most folks have something they want very neat and clean, and other things they care about far less.

When preferences are really just how you would prefer it, rather than based on safety or a real, try to be a bit less rigid. Accept that your preferences are just that, and realise your bride also has preferences – preferences which are no more nor no less valid and important than your preferences. Decide which of your preferences are most important to you, and let her know. Find out which of her preferences are most important to her. Then learn the art of give and take.

Beyond that, you can serve her by working to give her most of what she prefers, and/or by trying to back off on any of your preferences which are a sore spot or difficult for her.

Finally, don’t expect her to work to fulfil any preference of yours if you make it more difficult. For example, if having the floor clean is important to you, take your shoes off when you enter the house. Tracking in things and expecting her to vacuum more often is neither loving nor wise!

One Comment on “Preferences

  1. I realize that I have preferences with cleanliness. But I also know that too much clutter in particular places makes me irritable and I can’t stand to be in certain rooms in the house.

    It used to be that I would put up with it as long as I could and the I would blow up and stomp off.

    But now that we’ve identified the, I try to let my wife know if something is really starting to bother me and she will try to work on it in the next couple of days.

    When I have time at home, I try to do my part. But I generally don’t have much extra time at home.

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