Are you we or I?
You would be hard pressed to be around me for very long and not know that I’m married. I talk about “we” even when my bride is not with me, and talk about what she thinks, says, and does a good deal. Given this, I found an article entitled “Couples who refer to themselves as ‘we’ are happier than those who say ‘I’, ‘me’ or ‘you‘” very interesting. Basically, couples who see themselves as we, as a unit, as “one flesh” are happier than those who see themselves as two individuals. The ability to cope with problems and long-term survival of a marriage both correlate well with how “we” a couple seems themselves.
There is a bit of a chicken and egg question here – does thinking “one flesh” make things better, or does having a better marriage increase the odds you will think “one flesh”? I think each would tend to lead to the other, but being raised to see marriage as one flesh has to help.
Regardless of what you grew up with, or what you’ve lived so far, it’s clear that seeing your marriage as a unit is good for both your marriage and your personal happiness. Rewrite your code and reboot!