When she’s not feeling it, but it’s there.
There’s a good write up here of a very interesting study of how men and women differ when it comes to sexual arousal. The study looked at self-reported feelings of arousal and instrument based readings of physical arousal. In other words, they compared arousal of the body to feeling aroused in the mind. The head of the study said of women “They can have physiological responses and not feel sexually aroused. But that’s normal.” On the other hand, men’s brains and bodies were almost always in agreement.
Some of this, I suspect, is based in our biology. It’s pretty difficult to not feel an erection, so we guys tend to know when we’re physically aroused. A woman’s arousal is far more subtle; a slight increase of moisture in an already moist place is easily missed, especially given the scarcity of nerves in the vagina. What’s more, our physical reaction changes rapidly as our arousal changes, whereas women don’t experience the same thing. (Side note – I think this is why men usually have a much better understanding of what arouses them. Remember the early days of puberty, when any sexual thought or image resulted in an erection? This quickly teaches us what we find arousing, and that feedback system continues into our adult lives – thankfully with a bit less obvious results when we’re in public.)
There are several things all of this teaches us:
- If her body is turned on, but not her mind is not, sex is not going to work well. Don’t go straight for her crotch, work on her mind.
- Her lack of physical feedback for arousal means she can be unaware that something turns her on, and/or can choose to ignore that something turns her on if it’s not “acceptable” to her to be aroused by that thing.
- She’s not like you sexually. expecting her to act as you do or feel as you do is going to cause problems because it’s not how she was designed.